At a recent presentation I did about online dating for people over 50, I heard a lot of confusion and negativity in the crowd's questions...and several misconceptions about what I think is an excellent dating tool for older daters. Let me clear up some of these myths:
Myth #1-Men online won't contact women who are their age or older. Yes, it's true that men will start off trying to meet their ideal woman, who is usually younger. But, when those women don't write back (which is often what happens if they're choosing women 10-15 years younger), it soon becomes clear it might be worth considering someone closer to their own age. That's why I always encourage my female clients to write enthusiastic emails to men 5 years either side of their age (younger and older).
If a man gets a complimentary, flattering email from a woman with a lot in common with him, he's very likely to at least read her profile. If he finds her photo attractive, he'll often consider emailing back, even if she's outside his desired age range. My second husband was 7 years younger than me and said he ultimately wasn't worried about age--he just wanted to meet someone he was attracted to and felt comfortable with.
Myth #2-It's not safe to date online because there are so many scammers. Yes, the scamming thing is worse than it used to be and is definitely something to watch out for. But it doesn't mean online dating as a whole is unsafe. You just need to follow you intuition and this rule of thumb: "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." If someone seems over-the-top into you when they barely know you, emails and texts you more than once a day, but then keeps making excuses about why they can't meet in person, move on--especially if they say their work takes them out of the country a lot, they have a sob story about a deceased child or spouse, or they begin telling you about their money worries.
Myth #3-Women online aren't interested in shorter men. There are plenty of women 5 feet to 5'6" tall who'd be happy to meet an average-height man. There are even women taller than 5'6" who'd date a shorter guy. It's all about whether your personalities, values, philosophies, and interests match up. Height is just a number.
Myth #4-Everyone online lies about their age and weight. Yes, people who aren't all that confident and whose self-image needs improvement might be less than honest about their age and body type. But you can't assume that everyone online does that. Daters who assume that anybody who lists his or her body type as "average" is actually overweight are cynical at best. Before jumping to often-incorrect conclusions, explore what you have in common with each individual and then, if you feel a click on the phone, take a chance and meet in person. You may be passing up a lot of great potential dates by erroneously prejudging them. Believe it or not, some people actually look BETTER than their photos! I certainly found this to be the case with several men I met online and wound up dating.
Myth #5-It's hard to find men online who are into the arts and culture. This is definitely not true. There are several dating sites for people who love art, theater, ballet, etc., such as:
- artistfriendsdate.com
- lovearts.com
- agreaterdate.com
- artist.singles.dating.com
- theatrebuddies.us
- balletpassions.com
There are also groups on www.meetup.com for those who love film, theater, opera, ballet, and more. You could also search the large sites like Match.com or Plenty of Fish (www.pof.com) for fellow arts lovers by typing in a keyword like film, theater, opera, ballet, etc. The site will sort through the profiles and show you the ones that mention that keyword.
That busts some of the common myths. Don't buy into these inaccurate mind-sets. If you enter the online dating realm with a positive attitude, you'll be amazed at how quickly you'll be setting up phone calls and coffee meetings with nice people! Give me a call if you need some support with that (267-245-3023). I'd be happy to help!
Friday, March 24, 2017
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Guys: Finding It Challenging Writing Your Online Dating Profile?
If so, you're not alone. Help writing profiles is the #1 reason clients hire me as their dating coach.
I know it's not easy writing about yourself, much less trying to come across as confident and interesting without being arrogant.
Where do you begin when an online dating site asks you to describe yourself in just a few paragraphs? What do you say so you sound like a unique person whose had an interesting life and would be fun to date? It can be quite a challenge, especially if you're not comfortable with writing in general.
That's where a professional coach who's also a professional marketing writer comes in. I can compose those paragraphs about you in no time...in a way that highlights your best qualities, conveys a bit of your personality, AND sounds appealing to women.
A Pew Study in late 2013 found that 30% of women asked someone else to help write or review their dating profile compared to just 16% of men.
Why? Because men fear looking incompetent. And so they struggle trying to write something that will impress women--unaware that their inexperience in this arena could be sabotaging them. Women clients tell me (and I noticed when I was reading guys' profiles online) that men often say very little about themselves, have a simplistic writing style, don't really know how to express things clearly, or make spelling/grammar mistakes. Or all of the above. And so, unfortunately, a man may come across to women reading his profile as bored, boring, or uneducated--even if he's one of the most intelligent, successful, fascinating guys around.
The solution? I have 2 suggestions:
1) Ask a woman to either help write or at the very least read your profile before you post it. You could talk to your sister, your daughter, a female friend or coworker--anyone who knows you pretty well and whose opinion you trust. Get her take on whether what you wrote is accurate about you and presents you in the best light. And, most important of all: Does the description sound like someone she'd consider dating? A female dating expert is also a good choice as a sounding board or writing assistant .
2) Attend a how-to workshop or seminar about writing a winning profile. (Ask me when my next one is happening.)
If you need a few tips on writing a profile women will love, drop me a line. I'd be happy to write or critique your profile to ensure it makes you stand out with the ladies...and gets you started dating quality women right away!
I know it's not easy writing about yourself, much less trying to come across as confident and interesting without being arrogant.
Where do you begin when an online dating site asks you to describe yourself in just a few paragraphs? What do you say so you sound like a unique person whose had an interesting life and would be fun to date? It can be quite a challenge, especially if you're not comfortable with writing in general.
That's where a professional coach who's also a professional marketing writer comes in. I can compose those paragraphs about you in no time...in a way that highlights your best qualities, conveys a bit of your personality, AND sounds appealing to women.
A Pew Study in late 2013 found that 30% of women asked someone else to help write or review their dating profile compared to just 16% of men.
Why? Because men fear looking incompetent. And so they struggle trying to write something that will impress women--unaware that their inexperience in this arena could be sabotaging them. Women clients tell me (and I noticed when I was reading guys' profiles online) that men often say very little about themselves, have a simplistic writing style, don't really know how to express things clearly, or make spelling/grammar mistakes. Or all of the above. And so, unfortunately, a man may come across to women reading his profile as bored, boring, or uneducated--even if he's one of the most intelligent, successful, fascinating guys around.
The solution? I have 2 suggestions:
1) Ask a woman to either help write or at the very least read your profile before you post it. You could talk to your sister, your daughter, a female friend or coworker--anyone who knows you pretty well and whose opinion you trust. Get her take on whether what you wrote is accurate about you and presents you in the best light. And, most important of all: Does the description sound like someone she'd consider dating? A female dating expert is also a good choice as a sounding board or writing assistant .
2) Attend a how-to workshop or seminar about writing a winning profile. (Ask me when my next one is happening.)
If you need a few tips on writing a profile women will love, drop me a line. I'd be happy to write or critique your profile to ensure it makes you stand out with the ladies...and gets you started dating quality women right away!
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Why Men Rarely Use Dating Coaches
In the 11 years I've been a dating coach, I've always had over 90% female clients. Where are the men and why do they hesitate to use a coach? They're OK with reaching out to executive coaches for support with business advancement or sports coaches to help them improve in the world of sports.
So why do they hesitate to ask for support in attracting women in the world of dating? I did some research on this and found some fascinating facts about single men:
1) They think they should know how to get the girl without help. Even in the 21st century, ancient, irrelevant norms are subconsciously running the show. Men (the "hunters") still believe they're expected to go out and drag home the women (the "gatherers"). It's assumed that all men know just how to do that instinctively, because they're men. As one female dating coach puts it, "We expect every man to graduate high school with a PhD in courtship." That, of course, is unrealistic. Even the best of us can benefit from getting help to fine-tune our skills or jump-start us when we're a little "rusty" at something.
2) They're uncomfortable with the word "coach". They think using a coach means they're incompetent or unskilled in courtship. That implies that someone else is better at dating than they are. Thus, another female coach uses the term "dating optimizer" or "love adjuster" instead of dating coach--to imply that she's just there to help the guys up their game and be more competitive. In truth, women dating coaches help single men learn the rules of the dating game from a female perspective, which GREATLY increases their chances of winning over the girl!
3) They mistakenly believe their status/success should be enough to attract a partner. Unfortunately, in 2017, women are seeking many other qualities in a date, life partner, or husband (i.e., caring, compassion, and companionship, to name a few). However, in public, many men whose status isn't attracting quality women assume something is wrong with the women. Inside themselves, though, they start to feel something may be wrong with them. So they shut themselves off at the office or at home, using the excuse that they're too busy or tired at the end of the night to meet anyone. This is a recipe for failure, and, as a result, many will go years or even decades without a date.
If you're a guy or you know one who's not meeting his kind of women for dating, a session with a dating expert is worth considering. Here are the most helpful services she offers:
- help writing an online dating profile that women will like and respond to
- help understanding women and the psychology of attraction
- help figuring out how he can stand out from the crowd of other guys competing for the women he wants
- help to prevent falling into the "friend zone"
- help overcoming anxiety about approaching and talking to women
- help bringing out his funny, charismatic, confident self to attract more women
- help navigating the dating process from "small talk to seduction"
Ready for more success with women? I'm here to help!
So why do they hesitate to ask for support in attracting women in the world of dating? I did some research on this and found some fascinating facts about single men:
1) They think they should know how to get the girl without help. Even in the 21st century, ancient, irrelevant norms are subconsciously running the show. Men (the "hunters") still believe they're expected to go out and drag home the women (the "gatherers"). It's assumed that all men know just how to do that instinctively, because they're men. As one female dating coach puts it, "We expect every man to graduate high school with a PhD in courtship." That, of course, is unrealistic. Even the best of us can benefit from getting help to fine-tune our skills or jump-start us when we're a little "rusty" at something.
2) They're uncomfortable with the word "coach". They think using a coach means they're incompetent or unskilled in courtship. That implies that someone else is better at dating than they are. Thus, another female coach uses the term "dating optimizer" or "love adjuster" instead of dating coach--to imply that she's just there to help the guys up their game and be more competitive. In truth, women dating coaches help single men learn the rules of the dating game from a female perspective, which GREATLY increases their chances of winning over the girl!
3) They mistakenly believe their status/success should be enough to attract a partner. Unfortunately, in 2017, women are seeking many other qualities in a date, life partner, or husband (i.e., caring, compassion, and companionship, to name a few). However, in public, many men whose status isn't attracting quality women assume something is wrong with the women. Inside themselves, though, they start to feel something may be wrong with them. So they shut themselves off at the office or at home, using the excuse that they're too busy or tired at the end of the night to meet anyone. This is a recipe for failure, and, as a result, many will go years or even decades without a date.
If you're a guy or you know one who's not meeting his kind of women for dating, a session with a dating expert is worth considering. Here are the most helpful services she offers:
- help writing an online dating profile that women will like and respond to
- help understanding women and the psychology of attraction
- help figuring out how he can stand out from the crowd of other guys competing for the women he wants
- help to prevent falling into the "friend zone"
- help overcoming anxiety about approaching and talking to women
- help bringing out his funny, charismatic, confident self to attract more women
- help navigating the dating process from "small talk to seduction"
Ready for more success with women? I'm here to help!
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Celebrating ALL kinds of love on Valentine's Day
Many singles dislike Valentine's Day because they're not currently
dating someone. That's understandable in a culture that puts so much
emphasis on couplehood But they'd be better off (and a lot happier) if they put the emphasis on the original meaning of the Feast of Saint Valentine--love. Love of all kinds.
This is a good day to stop and consider all the types of love you experience in your life:
- Love for your parents, children, grandchildren, and siblings
- Love for your pets
- Love for your friends and neighbors
- Love for your Higher Power
And don't forget the fondness you feel for your boss, coworkers, clients/customers, hairdresser, mail person, workout buddy, fellow volunteers, and other great people in your life. Love is not exclusive to or only to be celebrated with romantic partners.
So, even though my work as a dating coach is focused on helping people find their Valentine, I always remind clients and all the single, divorced, and widowed people I know to reframe this "lovers' holiday" as a broader commemorance of all the people in their lives who love them and who they have the privilege of loving.
If you sat down to make a list of those people right now, I bet there would be at least 10 names on it. Your job on this Feast of Love: Focus on that list and the emotions you feel for those people. Then you can't help but have a very
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!
This is a good day to stop and consider all the types of love you experience in your life:
- Love for your parents, children, grandchildren, and siblings
- Love for your pets
- Love for your friends and neighbors
- Love for your Higher Power
And don't forget the fondness you feel for your boss, coworkers, clients/customers, hairdresser, mail person, workout buddy, fellow volunteers, and other great people in your life. Love is not exclusive to or only to be celebrated with romantic partners.
So, even though my work as a dating coach is focused on helping people find their Valentine, I always remind clients and all the single, divorced, and widowed people I know to reframe this "lovers' holiday" as a broader commemorance of all the people in their lives who love them and who they have the privilege of loving.
If you sat down to make a list of those people right now, I bet there would be at least 10 names on it. Your job on this Feast of Love: Focus on that list and the emotions you feel for those people. Then you can't help but have a very
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!
Thursday, February 9, 2017
Confident Enough to Talk to a Complete Stranger?
Are you a great catch? Feel you have something to offer a future partner? Are you secure enough in yourself to KNOW someone out there would love to date you and develop a relationship with you?
If not, you're not ready to venture into the dating world. Why?
Because it takes a lot of confidence to email complete strangers on an online dating site or approach people you don't know at singles events.
Many single, divorced, and widowed people who hire me as their dating coach don't have that confidence. They THINK they're ready to search for and be seen by potential dates. But they're not.
They're hesitant, insecure, or downright fearful about presenting themselves. Some worry about their looks; some don't what to say to dating prospects in an email or in person; and others are afraid about the types of people they'll encounter or whether anyone will like them. Seriously.
What's baffling is that many of these people are successful baby boomers with great qualities who've had wonderful relationships in the past. But now, for a variety of reasons, they lack the confidence to try to connect with new people without worrying about rejection. (Rejection, of course, is just a natural part of the dating process--you'll reject some folks who aren't good matches, and you'll be rejected by others who don't think you're their "cup of tea". That's just the way it is.)
The key to dating world success is not to take rejection personally. Simply move on and keep looking. You do that by seeing rejection in a more-positive light. As I tell my clients, "You just screened out a non-match, so now you have the time, energy, and freedom to find a good match."
Yes, it takes confidence and a really good sense of self to "put yourself out there" and then to handle being rejected and also to figure out how to reject others kindly--whether it's online or at singles events or hobby activity groups. But, if you want to meet someone to date and/or fall in love with, you'll have to strengthen your confidence.
If you need support in doing that, contact me (267-245-3023 or gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). I've helped hundreds of people see themselves more positively, believe in their "dateability", and grow in self-esteem and self-love..so they can march confidently into the singles world and attract great people for dating.
I'm confident you can do it too!!
If not, you're not ready to venture into the dating world. Why?
Because it takes a lot of confidence to email complete strangers on an online dating site or approach people you don't know at singles events.
Many single, divorced, and widowed people who hire me as their dating coach don't have that confidence. They THINK they're ready to search for and be seen by potential dates. But they're not.
They're hesitant, insecure, or downright fearful about presenting themselves. Some worry about their looks; some don't what to say to dating prospects in an email or in person; and others are afraid about the types of people they'll encounter or whether anyone will like them. Seriously.
What's baffling is that many of these people are successful baby boomers with great qualities who've had wonderful relationships in the past. But now, for a variety of reasons, they lack the confidence to try to connect with new people without worrying about rejection. (Rejection, of course, is just a natural part of the dating process--you'll reject some folks who aren't good matches, and you'll be rejected by others who don't think you're their "cup of tea". That's just the way it is.)
The key to dating world success is not to take rejection personally. Simply move on and keep looking. You do that by seeing rejection in a more-positive light. As I tell my clients, "You just screened out a non-match, so now you have the time, energy, and freedom to find a good match."
Yes, it takes confidence and a really good sense of self to "put yourself out there" and then to handle being rejected and also to figure out how to reject others kindly--whether it's online or at singles events or hobby activity groups. But, if you want to meet someone to date and/or fall in love with, you'll have to strengthen your confidence.
If you need support in doing that, contact me (267-245-3023 or gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). I've helped hundreds of people see themselves more positively, believe in their "dateability", and grow in self-esteem and self-love..so they can march confidently into the singles world and attract great people for dating.
I'm confident you can do it too!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
6 RULES OF THUMB FOR DATING IN MIDLIFE
As a coach who specializes in helping singles over 40 have more success with dating, I've recently noticed that at least 40% of my clients are 60 or older. They fall into 3 groups:
1) long-time post-divorce daters who are tired, jaded, or in need of new dating strategies
2) widows/widowers who, after long happy marriages, aren't sure how to begin dating again
3) men and women who've gotten so comfortable being alone that they're not sure they have the desire or ability to be in a close relationship with someone again yet feel the need for companionship
No matter which group they're in, I can help them sort out their feelings, boost their confidence, find places to meet singles their age, and approach dating in a more positive way. I encourage them to follow these 6 rules of thumb for midlife dating:
1) long-time post-divorce daters who are tired, jaded, or in need of new dating strategies
2) widows/widowers who, after long happy marriages, aren't sure how to begin dating again
3) men and women who've gotten so comfortable being alone that they're not sure they have the desire or ability to be in a close relationship with someone again yet feel the need for companionship
No matter which group they're in, I can help them sort out their feelings, boost their confidence, find places to meet singles their age, and approach dating in a more positive way. I encourage them to follow these 6 rules of thumb for midlife dating:
Love
yourself completely: Get comfortable with who you are—your age, your
body, your preferences, your beliefs. This will enable you to be confident
telling those you date what you believe, what you want, and what you need.
Confidence is 70% of the success formula for dating.
Get
clear on your “Partner Vision” of the most-compatible
person for you. Be specific! Write down your top 5 “must have” traits, 15
strong preferences & 5 “cherry on top” traits that would be nice to have
but not absolutely necessary. Put this list in your bedside table to read each
night and in your handbag or briefcase to carry with you wherever you go.
Use
all 3 methods for meeting new people: singles groups,
hobby/Meetup groups, and online dating. There are over-60 single people in all
3 places.
Don’t
settle: Hold out for all of what you want—not just 50% or
60%. Be willing to drive people away in the dating world by being authentically
yourself. Don’t pretend to be something you think others want. Dating is a
screening process that brings you closer and closer to the most compatible
partner for YOU.
Employ
the 4 P’s of dating success: Positive attitude, Proactivity,
Persistence, and Patience.
Create
a happy life: “If you’re looking for the love of your life,
STOP! He/she will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.” –
David Steele, Founder of the Relationship Coaching Institute and Author of Conscious Dating
How about you? Are you over 60 and ready to date but not finding compatible people? If you're sticking to these 6 rules of thumb but still having no luck, you may need some extra moral support or new ideas to jump-start your dating life. If so, give me a call. That's my specialty, and I'd love to help!
Friday, November 18, 2016
Facebook Can Hinder Healing From a Breakup
I bet you know someone who reconnected with an "old flame" via Facebook and went on to start dating. This can happen when both people are single and available.
You might also know someone who wasn't single but who still reconnected with an old flame on Facebook and started an emotional affair that led to problems in his or her marriage, or even divorce.
However, you may not know someone like my 60-something female client who reconnected with an old flame via Facebook, had a wonderful 2-year relationship, got rejected by him when he started seeing a much younger woman, and then couldn't recover from the breakup because she was unable to stop herself from checking his status on Facebook.
Seeing photos of him with the new girlfriend caused extra pain just when my client was beginning to get over him. Yet, it was impossible for her to put distance between herself and him by staying off Facebook while she was grieving the loss. She inadvertently kept reopening the wound and thus sabotaging her much-needed healing process.
Why? Is Facebook THAT addictive? Is "snooping" on old "friends" too hard to resist? Why couldn't this client just "unfriend" the person so she could disengage from him and get on with her life?
I understand. Curiosity can get the best of you. It's hard to resist checking Facebook to find out what people are up to. I remember giving into the urge to check the page of someone I broke up with years ago too, even though I initiated the breakup. I was curious. But a few days later, realizing that doing that only reminded me of him and hindered me from healing and moving forward, I unfriended him and never looked back.
I advised my client to promise herself she would take a long break from Facebook, ask a good friend to hold her accountable for that promise, and also give me a progress report on how she was doing with it. I also recommended a grief counselor to help her recover from the loss and make a healthy fresh start in life.
How about you? Has Facebook been a help or a hindrance to you in the dating world? I'd love to hear your story and/or moral support you if you're finding it a hindrance.
You might also know someone who wasn't single but who still reconnected with an old flame on Facebook and started an emotional affair that led to problems in his or her marriage, or even divorce.
However, you may not know someone like my 60-something female client who reconnected with an old flame via Facebook, had a wonderful 2-year relationship, got rejected by him when he started seeing a much younger woman, and then couldn't recover from the breakup because she was unable to stop herself from checking his status on Facebook.
Seeing photos of him with the new girlfriend caused extra pain just when my client was beginning to get over him. Yet, it was impossible for her to put distance between herself and him by staying off Facebook while she was grieving the loss. She inadvertently kept reopening the wound and thus sabotaging her much-needed healing process.
Why? Is Facebook THAT addictive? Is "snooping" on old "friends" too hard to resist? Why couldn't this client just "unfriend" the person so she could disengage from him and get on with her life?
I understand. Curiosity can get the best of you. It's hard to resist checking Facebook to find out what people are up to. I remember giving into the urge to check the page of someone I broke up with years ago too, even though I initiated the breakup. I was curious. But a few days later, realizing that doing that only reminded me of him and hindered me from healing and moving forward, I unfriended him and never looked back.
I advised my client to promise herself she would take a long break from Facebook, ask a good friend to hold her accountable for that promise, and also give me a progress report on how she was doing with it. I also recommended a grief counselor to help her recover from the loss and make a healthy fresh start in life.
How about you? Has Facebook been a help or a hindrance to you in the dating world? I'd love to hear your story and/or moral support you if you're finding it a hindrance.
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