Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Do you REALLY believe there's a great match for you out there?

If you don't, you might as well not even think about dating yet. In my experience coaching hundreds of singles of all ages, I've found that NOT believing is the #1 biggest obstacle standing in their way. At least 50% of the men and women I coach tell me they doubt there are any good people left out there in the dating world. They say:
"All the good ones are taken."
"Nobody seems to want a long-term relationship anymore."
"People aren't really interested in dating; they just want to socialize."
"I can't seem to find my type of person anywhere."
And I say to them: you gotta believe or you'll just keep spinning your wheels.

The truth is: a positive attitude about your chances of finding love is KEY. Without it, you'll radiate defeatist, negative vibes. And those are not at all attractive. Here's what to do instead:
Since like attracts like, you want to focus your thoughts and feelings on the belief that you CAN and WILL find someone the Law of Attraction can work and you can attract that person to you.

If in your mind and heart you've given up...or you feel hopeless...or you harbor negative feelings about the opposite sex based on the last couple of disappointing relationships you had, you're sabotaging yourself. That kind of thinking will cause you to lose confidence in yourself and the dating world and to eminate "ho-hum" and "I'm no fun to be around" vibes. And people will pick those up the minute they meet you and, most likely, turn in the other direction.

So, here's my challenge to you: next time you catch yourself feeling disgusted or despondent about the quality of the people you're meeting, think about a couple you know who are happy together. Imagine yourself in their shoes. Picture being with a partner who's compatible with you. Close your eyes and FEEL what it'd be like to be held and loved by that person. Do this the next time you have hopeless or negative feelings...and the next time...and the next time. Pretty soon, you will have shifted into a more positive, confident, happy place. And from THAT place, see what you attract. You will begin to BE WHO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT. And I bet you'll start to have a lot better experiences with dating.

Drop me a note to let me know how this works for you. It worked for me right before I met Jim, and I'm hoping it works for you too! :-)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Why do so many people hate dating?

I hear this all the time from the divorced and widowed men and women over 40 I work with as a coach. They dread searching online for prospects. They hate getting off the couch and going out to meet prospects in person. They dislike the drama of dating relationships that didn't work out. And, as a result, they often throw up their hands in disgust and give up on dating. It's too much work, they say...and it's no fun. Well, I couldn't disagree more.

In the 8+ years I was in the over-40 dating world after my divorce, I had a lot of fun. I had 7 or 8 relationships and had first dates with about 50 men. I went to a lot of new places, learned about professions I'd never heard of, ate at some pretty cool ethnic restaurants, discovered some fascinating things about men's psyches, and grew in remarkable ways myself. Dating was an ongoing adventure.

Sure, there were misadventures and heartaches along the way. That's just life. But it was fun being pursued and wooed. It was empowering to initiate contact with men who grabbed my interest online. And it was a huge self-esteem boost to fall in love a few times too. I don't regret any of that time spent in the dating world, and, as I look back on those years now, I can honestly say it was enriching. Sure, I'm thrilled I finally found my new husband, and I'm glad I don't have to take a chance on losing in love anymore. But, overall, it was all worth it. And, for the most part, it was an enjoyable journey.

So I invite those who say they hate dating to look at it this way: dating is more than just a means to an end. It can be a prelude to a new romance. It can be an eye-opening, real-world course in male-female relationships. And it can be the fastest path to personal growth you ever took. If you approach it with this attitude, you won't be giving off those "Dating sucks!" vibes anymore. And I guarantee that this new outlook will soon bring better people and nicer dating experiences your way. Enjoy the ride!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Where are the quality men over 60?

They're online, ladies! Accomplished, attractive older women come to me more often these days wondering where to meet decent guys their age. Often, they've tried and eHarmony for many months with little success. They've gone out to singles events and found out they're 80% women. And they might've had a few meetings that just didn't wow them.

My advice: add hobby groups to the list of things you do, along with using the many dating sites for people over 50 (there are at least 10 good ones you may never have heard of), activities at senior centers (they do LOTS of fun stuff!), and other ways to meet singles in person, often through groups found at Whatever your hobby or interest, there's probably a meetup group to join. If not, start one yourself!

Happy searching!
P.S. If you don't have time to search, I'd be happy to do it for you!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Men dating older women

Why are men reluctant to consider dating women a few years older than them...especially if they have a lot in common? I'd love to hear men's views on this. I was married for 15 years, divorced at 41, and then dated for 9 years before meeting the man who'd turn out to be my 2nd husband when I was 50.

I'm in very good shape, have a ton of energy, and look years younger than I am, so I felt I'd be most compatible with a guy either my age or a bit younger. But while I was dating online at age 49 & 50, I noticed that men in their 40s weren't usually interested in responding to my e-mails (that is, until I wrote to my future husband, who was 43 at the time).

He told me he was just looking for someone he was attracted to and felt comfortable with. Is this how other men feel too? Let me hear your thoughts. I'm a dating coach now and help women have more success with dating after age 40, and they're always asking me about this phenomenon.