Saturday, March 31, 2012


If you're like me, you've probably had at least one experience in your dating life where a relationship didn't work out because the timing for one or both people wasn't good. In other words, you felt like you met the "right person at the wrong time." This happened to me in college. Though the guy I was dating was an excellent match for me in many ways and we had a really fun year and a half together, he wasn't ready to be exclusive and I was. And I had to reluctantly break it off when he decided he wanted to date other girls in addition to me. (I always wondered what might have happened had we met 5 or 10 years later after he'd "sowed his wild oats" but, oh well...)

I used to think it was simple...some relationships flounder just because of bad timing. But, after doing some soul searching, giving it a lot more thought, and having other similar experiences, I realize this:
You can't have a successful relationship unless BOTH people are emotionally available for one--meaning their hearts are healed from the past and totally open to potential love, they feel like they have what it takes to be a good partner for someone, and they have the time and energy available to be "present" in and to develop a serious relationship.

Also: their state of readiness for an emotional connection must be the same: they need to be ready, willing, and able to spend months getting to really know someone, doing all sorts of different things together, establishing a strong friendship, and then seeing if it blossoms naturally into a romance. (This, of course, assumes that both people also feel a physical attraction.)

What I now know is that someone can't be the "right person" if they're not ready for the same type of relationship that you are. The right person would be the one who's in the same place of readiness. Period. Even if two people are very compatible and have a deep connection on many levels, they are wrong for each other if one is ready and the other isn't.

It seems sad, doesn't it? That you can cross paths with someone who seems ideal for you but then have to let go and move on? I know it was really hard to get over that heartbreak at age 19. But, over the decades since, life has taught me that everything happens for a reason. And we're always in the place we're meant to be. So, even if you feel like he or she was the "one who got away"--the actual truth is: one door has to close so another one can open. We need to leave the past behind (taking the lessons that came from it with us), so we can create a brighter future.

Yes, sometimes "God works in mysterious ways." We don't know why these poorly timed relationships happen or how or when we'll meet the "right person at the right time." But we're not supposed to know. Experience has taught me (who used to be "control freak") that some things are out of our control--especially the miracle that is mutual attraction and readiness for love.

Here's the lesson I learned that I hope will help you in your love life:
If you have faith in a better tomorrow and the courage to carry on, you CAN move forward, trusting that life will unfold just the way it's meant to, in your best interest, and JUST at the perfect time! It's worked like that for me many times over the years, and I'm sure it can for you too! :-) WHAT DO YOU THINK??