Thursday, May 19, 2016

Survival Tips for Women Dating Online

Are you in the midst of or thinking about trying online dating? If so, I've been there. Over a year ago, I found my current partner (the love of my life!) that way, and I can and do offer plenty of helpful tips (on this website & in my book "How I Met My Second Husband Online at Age 50") to make online dating an easier, more enjoyable, and ultimately successful experience.

My favorite personal empowerment expert for women (Mama Gena, aka Regena Thomashauer) also has some tips. She recently wrote an article about surviving Tinder and succeeding with online dating. I highly recommend it: 

Mama Gena is a 50-something divorced woman and author of several excellent books. The tips she gives for online dating are:
1) When you're starting out, don't do it alone. Ask friends for help.
2) If it's not a "hell, yes!" -- it's a "hell, no!" Trust your intuition; be discerning; don't settle.
3) Occasionally say yes to someone you normally wouldn't pick, just to see how the dialogue goes. Experiment by stepping outside your usual box.
4) Do a pre-interview & check in with your girlfriend afterwards.
5) Use the opportunity to speak your truth; it's good practice for requesting what you want and need in dating & relationships.
6) Whatever you do, don't put him in the "husband suit". Stay in the moment & just enjoy dating.
7) Have fun. Really. If you aren't having fun, get off line.

I can personally vouch for the wisdom found in these tips:
1) Ask friends for help--Having female and/or male friends assist with writing your profile and choosing people to email is smart. People who know you well can remind you of your best traits (to list in your write-up) and give you honest feedback on the photos you should post and the people you should contact. Plus, your guy friends can give input on how your profile sounds to its intended readers. I asked several male friends to help and benefited greatly from hearing the man's point of view.
2) Trust your intuition--This is super-important! If a man's profile, photo, voice on the phone, or in-person mannerisms give you a weird feeling, let him go. Continue searching. Your intuition is always right; don't ignore it. It will lead you to men who are kind, healthy, successful, and sincerely interested in you...and away from those who aren't.
3) Experiment by stepping "outside your box"--This is wise because it expands your dating pool...and can lead to some fun adventures. Dating men with unusual jobs, men who aren't your usual "type," or men much younger than you (just as a few examples) can teach you a lot about your desires and help you to learn to trust your judgment.
4) Pre-interview a man on the phone or Skype before meeting--I always did this and highly recommend not skipping this step. Even a 10-minute call tells you a lot about his conversation style, sense of humor, and listening skills...AND how interested he is in learning about you (based on whether he asks questions or not). It's also a good idea to tell your girlfriend about how the call went so she can offer honest feedback about whether he sounds like a good match for you or not.
5) See it as a chance to practice speaking your truth--The entire online dating process is an excellent opportunity to hone your skills in being radically honest with the men you meet--about what you like and don't like about their dating M.O. It also helps you get honest with yourself about what dating behaviors do or don't appeal to you.
6) Don't put him in the "husband suit"--It's best to stay focused on the present rather than letting your mind drift into the future. A man doesn't want to feel like you have an "agenda" or he is being manipulated. "Future thinking" takes your attention away from your enjoyment of being with him in the "now" and being a good listener during the "getting-to-know-you" stage of dating. As a result, the fun vaporizes..and he stops calling you back.
7) Have fun or get off line--Dating is about meeting new people to have fun with. If you're not enjoying the process, stop swiping on Tinder or quit the dating site you're on. There's nothing more attractive than a woman enjoying herself, so, if you're not, try some other dating strategies or venues. 

I took all of these tips to heart when I was dating and had a lot of fun on the path to meeting the right man for me. Try them yourself and let me know what happens. Happy Dating!

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Dating Books I Recommend

Wow! Hard to believe it's been over 3 months since I've blogged. My apologies! I admit..the main reason I haven't carved out time to blog is that I've been having too much fun dating. In February 2015, I took my own advice about online dating and met a fantastic match on the site Plenty of Fish, and it's been an amazing, fantastic ride of romance and love.

The ironic part is I used to discourage clients from using that site because it was free. "You get what you pay for" is what I used to say. But then, one day in late 2014, I decided to see for myself why POF was growing in numbers and popularity. So I signed up and posted a profile. I was soon communicating with dozens of men and, within 6 weeks, had met the active, kind, communicative, successful, sexy, romantic guy I'm now seeing several times a week. 

I've never been with a man who's so right for me. And I've never felt so loved, heard, and understood. Not to mention having ALL 4 types of compatibility--emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical. That has never happened for me, and it is phenomenal! You feel closer, more connected, and more comfortable with each other than you ever dreamed possible. Things just flow.

How did I get to this place? By doing the personal growth work I needed to do so I'd BE who I wanted to attract--centered, happy, peaceful, self-loving, and self-confident--rather than needy, people pleasing, and addicted to others' acceptance as I had been for years (resulting, of course, in unhealthy relationships that ultimately failed).

Here are the books that helped me grow into the self-actualized woman I am now. I recommend doing all the exercises in each of them. Enjoy!
1. Calling in the One: 7 weeks to attract the love of your life by Katherine Woodward Thomas
2. The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the love of your life with the law of attraction by Arielle Ford 
3. Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts: Using the power of pleasure to have your way with the world by Regena Thomashauer 
4. Imagine a Woman in Love With Herself by Patricia Lynn Reilly 
5. Marry Yourself First: Saying "I do" to a life of passion, power & purpose by Ken Donaldson
4. Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a catalyst for an extraordinary life by Debbie Ford 

Happy reading...and happy dating! Let me know what you discover about your issues and dating patterns and how things improve after you read these books.