Thursday, November 19, 2009

Why do so many people hate dating?

I hear this all the time from the divorced and widowed men and women over 40 I work with as a coach. They dread searching online for prospects. They hate getting off the couch and going out to meet prospects in person. They dislike the drama of dating relationships that didn't work out. And, as a result, they often throw up their hands in disgust and give up on dating. It's too much work, they say...and it's no fun. Well, I couldn't disagree more.

In the 8+ years I was in the over-40 dating world after my divorce, I had a lot of fun. I had 7 or 8 relationships and had first dates with about 50 men. I went to a lot of new places, learned about professions I'd never heard of, ate at some pretty cool ethnic restaurants, discovered some fascinating things about men's psyches, and grew in remarkable ways myself. Dating was an ongoing adventure.

Sure, there were misadventures and heartaches along the way. That's just life. But it was fun being pursued and wooed. It was empowering to initiate contact with men who grabbed my interest online. And it was a huge self-esteem boost to fall in love a few times too. I don't regret any of that time spent in the dating world, and, as I look back on those years now, I can honestly say it was enriching. Sure, I'm thrilled I finally found my new husband, and I'm glad I don't have to take a chance on losing in love anymore. But, overall, it was all worth it. And, for the most part, it was an enjoyable journey.

So I invite those who say they hate dating to look at it this way: dating is more than just a means to an end. It can be a prelude to a new romance. It can be an eye-opening, real-world course in male-female relationships. And it can be the fastest path to personal growth you ever took. If you approach it with this attitude, you won't be giving off those "Dating sucks!" vibes anymore. And I guarantee that this new outlook will soon bring better people and nicer dating experiences your way. Enjoy the ride!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Where are the quality men over 60?

They're online, ladies! Accomplished, attractive older women come to me more often these days wondering where to meet decent guys their age. Often, they've tried and eHarmony for many months with little success. They've gone out to singles events and found out they're 80% women. And they might've had a few meetings that just didn't wow them.

My advice: add hobby groups to the list of things you do, along with using the many dating sites for people over 50 (there are at least 10 good ones you may never have heard of), activities at senior centers (they do LOTS of fun stuff!), and other ways to meet singles in person, often through groups found at Whatever your hobby or interest, there's probably a meetup group to join. If not, start one yourself!

Happy searching!
P.S. If you don't have time to search, I'd be happy to do it for you!