Thursday, October 20, 2016

Where Are All the Good Single Men?

I hear this question all the time from my women clients. They bemoan the fact that "all the good ones are taken" or "the ones I'm interested in aren't interested in me."

Plus, since I work mostly with over-50 clients, they tell me they don't know where to go to cross paths with nice, stable, commitment-type single men in that age group.

My job as a dating coach is to guide them to places where such men might be.

I tell clients there are 3 places to meet the type of men they seek:
1) Singles groups/activities
2) Online dating sites
3) Hobby organizations/clubs/classes

An e-book I recently came across delves deeper into this topic and gives single women some great suggestions. The book is How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates by Marni Battista, CEO of Dating With Dignity (www.datingwithdignity.com). In it, Battista outlines 33 ways to find "handsome, successful, relationship-ready men" and breaks the list into 4 categories:
1) Ambitious men
2) Sensitive/spiritual/self-aware men
3) Adventurous men
4) International men & men who love to travel

Here are some of the ideas Battista offers for finding each type of quality guy:

Ambitious - Real estate seminars, country clubs, sailing clubs, charity events, upscale steak houses, entrepreneur associations

Sensitive/spiritual/self-aware - Personal development seminars, yoga retreats, Amnesty International events, art classes, art openings & galleries, musical performances, university on-campus lectures or performances, bookstores, author signings, poetry readings

Adventurous - Motorcycle lessons, scooter rental locations, rock climbing lessons/gyms, adventure trips, cycling trips, hiking clubs, triathlon clubs, camping groups, skydiving schools

International/love to travel - Brazilian wine-tasting event, salsa dancing, monthly meeting at a local embassy, Meetup groups for people of a certain origin, foreign language classes

I highly recommend trying any or all of these possibilities. If you need more ideas for local places in the Delaware Valley of PA & NJ, let me know. I have a list of places where singles mingle and can steer you to activities and clubs in this area where these 4 types of men would be. Don't hesitate to reach out...I'd love to help!




Friday, October 7, 2016

How Open Is YOUR Heart?

"Are you really ready for dating? Is your heart available to open to someone new?"

These are the questions I ask clients when they come to me for dating coaching. Often, shortly after a breakup, divorce, or loss of a spouse, they'll seek my help with getting back into dating. But at least half of them can't answer "yes" to these important questions.

They may feel ready to start meeting people, which could be true. They're curious about "what's out there" and  might be able to put "a toe in the water" of the dating world to see who's available. But many of them are NOT really ready to seriously date someone. There are many reasons for this:

1) They think they're healed from the past but don't realize they're still emotionally attached to their last partner (including a deceased wife/husband).
2) They're too busy with their job, kids, friends, house projects, volunteer work, and other commitments to carve out time to search for, much less build a new relationship.
3) They haven't taken the time to grieve the loss of their last partner, which is necessary in order to open their heart to someone new.
4) They're lonely and bored, looking for a relationship to fill a hole in their lives, but don't have much to offer a partner because their self-esteem is low.
5) Past breakups have robbed them of the self-confidence they need in order to present themselves in the dating world as "a good catch".
6) They have leftover anger, resentment, or fear from previous relationships, which they need to release in order to start dating with a healthy, happy heart.
7) They're not that interested in or willing to put forth the effort and commitment necessary to build a strong partnership because their natural tendency is to be a loner.

I've seen all these situations and more in my past dating life and in stories that clients and friends tell me. And none of these situations lead to success in dating.

Instead, what DOES work is to do the necessary preparation to be truly ready to date with an open heart. This means doing the opposite of the 7 things above:
1) Heal your past so you are emotionally available.
2) Reorganize your life priorities to free up time for the dating search, for actual dating, and for relationship building.
3) Come to terms with and find peace regarding the loss of a long-time relationship by seeing a grief counselor.
4) Fill your life with fun and interesting activities to get back in touch with your desires and to rebuild your self-esteem.
5) Focus on the present and future instead of the past so you can reconnect with yourself and then move forward with confidence.
6) See a therapist to resolve anger or fear issues so you're in a happier, healthier place psychologically and emotionally.
7) Get honest with yourself about whether you truly want to build a partnership or whether you're a free spirit who'd be happier on your own.

I can offer you resources and moral support to do all 7 of these things. Please reach out to me if you want to get ready for and eventually succeed at healthy dating. I'd love to help!