Monday, August 24, 2015

Your True Love Won't Just Appear at Your Door

Thinking it'd be nice if you didn't have to actually "date" in order to find love? Unfortunately, you'll have to think again.

Many of my clients complain about the effort and time it takes to search for dating prospects--both online and in person. And I have to gently remind them that a partner isn't likely to show up on their doorstep. They'll have to carve out the time and muster up the energy to do what it takes to cross paths with that person.

They'll have to make a commitment to the process and keep at it until they succeed. There are no shortcuts.

When I tell them it took me 8 years of dating after my first divorce to find my second husband and nearly 3 years after my second divorce to find the amazing man I'm with now, they often sigh deeply. It sounds like something they don't have the patience for. It sounds like too much work.

But isn't something you desire worth putting some time and effort into? Of course, it is. And so is dating. It's a necessary part of the journey to your compatible partner...and, like every other important dream in your life, it involves making a plan and taking action.

In the end, though, when you're with the love of your life, it's totally worth it.

Making a plan for your love means:
 - getting clear on the character, values, temperament, interests etc. of a compatible partner
 - getting your "ducks in a row" so your life has physical and emotional room in it for him/her
 - getting over your past and rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence if necessary

Taking action to meet your love means:
 - joining singles organizations, online dating sites, and hobby groups to meet new folks
 - promising yourself you'll be open to available people who are fairly close matches
 - letting down your guard and being honest in the getting-to-know-you process
 - staying open to the "experience" of dating--the fun parts and the not-so-fun parts

I would never have met the great guy I'm seeing now if I hadn't had a plan. That meant taking the time to heal from a breakup last summer, to rebuild my self-confidence, and to clarify what a better match for me would be as I prepared to write an online dating profile that could attract that man.

And, of course, I never would have met him if I hadn't taken action--to create that profile, post it, and then reach out by writing him that first email. 

What are you waiting for? You know what you need to do to find your true love. Are you ready to make your plan and act on it? I'm here to help if you need some extra courage or strategy ideas!

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Being in Love Changes You for the Better

Remember that "Wow, the world sure is a beautiful place!" feeling you have when you first fall in love? You're giddy, excited, and filled with child-like joy. Everything around you looks brighter. You feel positive, content, and hopeful. And the one you love is "amazing," "wonderful," and incredibly special. I know I'm experiencing all of these feelings right now as I'm about to celebrate the 6th month of a relationship that's been the easiest, most romantic, and most compatible of my life.

The coolest part is: I catch myself every so often seeing myself through my partner's eyes, and that causes me to love myself even more than I did before. Love begets love. It's a beautiful, magical thing!

Recently, on her TV program "Super Soul Sunday," Oprah interviewed a Franciscan priest named Richard Rohr, and he offered some fascinating insights about love. Father Rohr first distinguished between the "False Self" (your ego, including such things as your body, personality, racial/ethnic heritage, socioeconomic status, job title, life roles, etc.) and the "True Self" (your soul & spirit--the essence and core of your Divine being). He then said that, when you fall in love, you kill the "False Self" so you can become more of your "True Self." 

In other words, you're willing to change yourself for your partner by letting go of who you thought you were before you loved him. I know that, since saying "I love you" to my partner, I have definitely left behind the old image I had of myself. And I've actually felt like a different, kinder, more empathetic person in life in general.

When you open up your heart to your partner, you're able to become more your "True Self" -- the loving, compassionate, giving part of you. You reveal your true beauty within. I can attest to this too: the more I give and receive love, the more I want to give.

Sharing love with your partner wakes up your spirit. It reveals the most beautiful parts of you (and not just in those early months when you're "on your best behavior"). According to Father Rohr, as you and your partner grow and evolve together in co-creating a deeper, more emotionally intimate, and more spiritual partnership, you blossom into the best possible you (what other spiritual teachers often call "Your Highest Self").

Father Rohr says a spiritual partnership is one between equals who come together for the purpose of facilitating each other's personal/spiritual growth. As he puts it, "Love has to grow and expand as the two people grow or it won't last." This, sadly, is one of the common reasons couples break up--think about all those you know who divorced because they "grew apart" instead of together.

On the other hand, though, think about how great it feels to be in a mature, healthy relationship that supports each person's goals/growth/ aspirations and brings out the best in both of you! That "best" is your True Self--who you are deep in your heart and soul--not at all about the trappings of your external life. And the "soulful" connection you feel with a loving, compatible partner is fulfilling beyond words!

If you want that type of connection, BELIEVE it can happen for you. Be patient and trusting. BE the loving person you want to attract. Be open and proactive when searching for your love. And then get ready to experience how love can truly change YOU for the better!!