Best Online Dating Sites for Seniors

Are you over 50 and looking for a romantic partner? Online dating is the way to go! 

According to The Statistic Brain Research Institute, around 49 million people have tried online dating! In fact, its research shows that 20% of serious relationships today start online, and 17% of couples who got married over the last year met online!

I'm one of those statistics--having connected with my soon-to-be 2nd husband online at age 50, my next serious partner online at age 58, and my current life partner online at age 61. 

Ask me how this excellent tool worked for me (or read about it in my book "How I Met My Second Husband Online at Age 50" -- available from me as an e-book). It tells you all about my experiences and gives you tips that can lead to your own dating success!

If you haven't tried online dating yet, maybe it's because you don't know which sites to consider. According to Mashable, a global multiplatform company that's the go-to source for tech, digital culture, and entertainment content, there are several dating websites that are especially good for older singles: 

eHarmony - $54.95/month for a 3-month subscription
Match - $23.99/month for a 3-month subscription
Elite Singles - $62.95/month for a 3-month subscription
Silver Singles - $57.95/month for a 3-month subscription
Zoosk - $19.98/month for a 3-month subscription
Senior Friend Finder - $11.95/month for a 3-month subscription
Senior Match - $19.95/month for a 3-month subscription

This article gives you all the details about each one's offerings and advantages:

https://mashable.com/roundup/best-dating-sites-for-seniors/

If you've already chosen a site but have other obstacles blocking your success on that site, let's talk. Maybe you need help writing a profile, aren't sure what to say in the first email, or have concerns about the safety of the process.

Whatever is holding you back, I'm sure I can help you sort it out so you can move forward and starting connecting with people and and then set up some dates! Drop me a line at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or call me at 267-245-3023.

Why Are Older Women So Afraid of Dating?

In the 14 years I've been coaching women over 50 about dating, I've encountered dozens (if not hundreds) who initially tell me they're interested in being coached but then don't follow through to actually schedule a session to get started in the dating world. 

I've had some theories about why:
- They thought they were ready but realized they weren't.
- They weren't as interested in finding a partner as they thought they were.
- They were actually too busy to carve out the time even for an initial coaching session, much less the dating search process.
- They realized that having a coaching session might mean they'd actually have to take action on something they weren't really committed to or sure about yet.

But these are really just rationalizations. In my opinion, the main reason these women don't get back in touch with me is FEAR. An unexpected fear or fears come up when it's time to walk their talk and move forward to start dating.

I've done some research on the reasons older women fear entering the dating world after divorce or widowhood and discovered these 20 reasons (many of which are real to them but ultimately unfounded):

1. I have no idea what to expect.
2. It'll be awkward to try to date again at my age.
3. I'll probably have to compromise what I want in a partner just to get a date.
4. I'll have to sacrifice my privacy if I put myself online because everyone (including my coworkers and family) will know what I'm doing.
5. People will think I'm desperate if I use online dating.
6. I'm too insecure/shy to communicate with strangers online.
7. I'm old-fashioned and not comfortable being the initiator with men online.
8. My self-esteem and body image aren't healthy enough for me to believe a man will want to date me at my age.
9. There are no good men left--all the best ones are taken.
10. My schedule is too busy, with no extra time for searching for dates and/or dating.
11. I'm afraid I'll be rejected.
12. I'm afraid many older men want a caregiver rather than a partner.
13. I've heard there are a lot of scammers, liars, and gold-diggers online.
14. I don't have a desire for marriage but fear that most men do.
15. I'm afraid my identity will be fraudulently stolen.
16. I'm pretty sure most men my age prefer much younger, thinner women.
17. I fear getting sexual again after so long.
18. I'm not sure I'm healthy enough or mobile enough to be dating.
19. I'm afraid I'll lose my personal or financial independence if I get involved with a man.
20. Dating will be too much work and too time consuming. 

If you wish you had a romantic partner but have been hesitant to start the dating process, ask yourself why. Do any of the above reasons sound like you? Or is there something else holding you back?

I'm planning to write a book on this topic and would love to include your input (or that of any 50+ women you know who've been hesitating about dating). Please drop me a line at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or call me at 267-245-3023 to share your reasons with me (confidentially, of course; no real names will be used in the book.) Thanks! I look forward to hearing from you. 

Why Don't Older Singles Want to Get Married Again?

I've been talking recently with over-60 friends and divorced/widowed clients as well as my partner of 5 years about the pros and cons of getting married again. So I did some research on the topic. According to a Pew Research Center report, only 15% of divorced or widowed women and 29% of men say they want to remarry. Those are pretty low numbers. Why the hesitation? There are many reasons.

"Single older boomers are starting to view remarriage less favorably," says Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., a professor of sociology at the University of Washington, as well as an author and sexologist. “When they get divorced or widowed or have been single later in life, the motivation to pair up and shake up their life is muted,” she says. “And often, the conditions of past marriage were painful enough and difficult enough that they are loath to re-enter that fray.” 

Women, in particular, are finding that they love their newfound independence too, according to Schwartz. Which is why many of them opt to live with a partner rather than get married. In fact, the number of adults over 50 who were living together without marrying more than doubled between 2000 and 2010, from 1.2 million to 2.75 million, according to the Journal of Marriage and Family. It's not that these couples fear commitment. Instead, financial planners say they're afraid marriage will mean increased health care costs, reduced retirement benefits, higher taxes, and disrupted estate plans. This could be true, but you need to talk to your financial consultant to find out if these fears apply to your situation. This article "The Pros and Cons of Getting Married Later in Life" could help you sort it out: 

https://www.kiplinger.com/article/retirement/T065-C000-S002-pros-and-cons-of-getting-married-later-in-life.html

In the meantime, though, I recommend that you also consider the emotional aspects of having a partner in your life--whether you marry or live together. I was happy when my partner asked me to live with him because, of course, I love being with him but also because I like having a partner--sharing expenses, having each other's backs, traveling together, and, most importantly, enjoying companionship (someone to come home to each day, eat meals with, travel with, and cuddle and make love with). 

Companionship is key. Many people who divorce or lose their spouse in their 50s are alone for the very first time in their lives, and that loneliness can be overwhelming. It can even make newly single people desperate enough to remarry too soon. My advice: slow down and think it through. Research shows that couples who create happy second marriages have taken the time to do the necessary grieving and healing work after their marriage ended.  It's smart not to rush it. Be kind to yourself and be patient with the process.

It also pays to think carefully before moving in together. Maybe your newfound independence is more important to you than you thought it would be, so living apart but remaining a couple would work better for the two of you. Or maybe you'd be incompatible sharing a space because of differing financial, housekeeping, or lifestyle factors--yet you love each other and want to continue your relationship. 

It's all worth thinking about in detail and talking honestly with your partner about.

Older singles have all kinds of options. Which one sounds right for you? It's a good idea to decide before entering the dating world because future dating partners will ask you about this. Some will even eliminate you as a possibility because they envision/prefer a different kind of future relationship arrangement than you do.

If you need support as you brainstorm about it, give me a call (267-245-3023). I've had experience helping many older singles figure out their priorities--and the dating strategies that align with them. 

WHAT DOES AN ONLINE DATING PROFILE REALLY TELL YOU?

I recently read an excerpt about online dating in a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, which said online dating "offers a great opportunity to practice identifying emotional maturity as you read and consider what people are revealing about themselves in their profiles and emails."

I totally agree. It definitely pays to read others' profiles carefully to determine what the words they've chosen to describe themselves tell you about the person inside.

The book goes on to say "Although some people are better writers than others, all personal writing reveals something about how people think, what they value, and what they're most focused on, not to mention their sense of humor and sensitivity to other people's feelings."

I agree again. What a potential date decides is worth mentioning in a profile gives you clues about his or her priorities in life as well as about attitudes and personality traits. 

For example, I believe you can usually discern whether a person is an introvert or an extrovert, based on what he or she feels comfortable telling others (ie, strangers and the Internet universe) about him- or herself. If the person is very private and/or introverted, expect the profile to be fairly short without much detail. On the other hand, an extrovert like me will find it hard to stop sharing the details.

The amount of detail in the profile also reveals how confident the person is. Those who reveal more are likely pretty comfortable in their own skin, with a good sense of self and decent self-esteem and thus no fear of bragging a bit and putting information "out there". 

But what about those "just the facts, Ma'am" profiles that list a few of the person's interests but not much more? I know many of my clients complain that people don't write enough in their profiles to give others a sense of them. Of course, those are the profiles that generate the least interest and the fewest emails asking for connection.

I recommend sharing enough to pique people's interest so they want to email you to flesh out the details you've shared...and start a conversation so they can learn more about you. Based on what's mentioned above, I'd say it's smart to consider writing about activities or experiences that reflect
- what you value
- how you think
- what you're most focused on (how you spend your time)
- what you're most passionate about
- what makes you laugh 

These things will give people reading your profile a glimpse into who you are and what makes you tick...and whether you're the type of person they'd enjoy spending time with. Which is all a profile is meant to do--spark an interest in taking things further (with a phone call, meet-and-greet get-together, and then hopefully a first date).

If you have no idea what you want to write in your profile, give me a call. I specialize in helping singles write profiles that get others interested in reaching out to you. (267-245-3023 or gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com).

No One Ever Said Dating Would Be Easy

If you're like a lot of people in the dating world, sometimes you get tired of looking. It can sometimes feel like too much effort...for too few results. I know. I've been there.

You spend hours every week writing emails on dating sites, going to singles and hobby activities, and keeping your eyes opened everywhere you go for people who might be your type. It takes time, effort, and energy--and every so often, you feel like giving up. Like you need a break. 

I get that too. We all need to slow down to recharge our batteries when we've been working hard at something for a long time.

Yes, the dating search takes some legwork and time commitment. And, yes, it can be draining, frustrating, and even demoralizing. But I firmly believe that anything worth having, such as a romantic partner to go through life with, is worth spending some time and effort...which is why I never gave up searching.

And that's how I found the love of my life.

I stayed focused on my goal, put in the time and effort necessary to reach for it, and took breaks as needed to regroup after disappointments and failures. And you can do the same thing--if you set your intention, promise yourself to stick with it, carve out the time to pursue it, and reach out for moral support and new strategies when you hit a wall.

Maybe you've done all 3 of those 4 things except reaching out for moral support. Maybe you thought you could do it on your own--even after all the weeks, months, or years that your efforts didn't pay off. 

Maybe today is the day you should take that extra step by calling an expert for some advice and ideas to make dating easier.

People hire coaches when they're training for athletic events or trying to move to the next level in their career. But, for some reason, they hesitate to ask for help when it comes to their personal lives.

Isn't your love life just as important--or even more important--than a sport or career? If you think it is, you might want to consider working with a dating coach to:

* guide you to new places or websites to meet singles

* help you stay motivated and energized when you feel tired or hopeless

* boost your self-confidence for dating

* write your online dating profile for you if you're not sure what to say

* gain a new perspective so dating doesn't feel like work anymore

Are you ready? If so, I'm here to help with all the tips and techniques that woked for me in the dating world...and that led me to my true love. 

Contact me at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or 267-245-3023

How Fantasies Can Hinder Your Dating Search

Sometimes, clients tell me about their "dream" date. They have a very specific type of partner in mind, which is good to have--the more specific the better (since I always recommend getting super-clear on the qualities that are most compatible with you before going out there to look).

But some people take it too far.

They fixate on certain appearance traits or maybe even a celebrity they're enamored with--and then try to find someone who's exactly like that. Which, of course, is unrealistic and inevitably sets them up for disappointment when they can't bring their "fantasy" to life.

In fact, fantasies can definitely get in the way of success in the real world. Especially with regard to dating.

There are 3 reasons why: 
1) People set the bar way too high by comparing everyone they meet to their fantasy woman or man. And, of course, no mere mortal will ever measure up. 
2) They might spend so much time daydreaming about their fantasy that they don't make time to go out in the dating world or online to start meeting real people.
3) They could get so caught up in the fantasy that they're thinking only about that fantasy person and, as a result, aren't actually emotionally available for a real-world relationship.  

This is very unfortunate, but it's also fixable. The solution? The person just has to let the fantasy go and get real. Easier said than done for some people. In extreme cases, they might actually reach out to their fantasy lover and then get rejected--which naturally damages both their self-esteem and their dating confidence. 

And, since confidence is 70% of the success formula for dating, this makes in almost impossible for them to be successful going forward. How can they present themselves well to potential dates in situations such as singles groups, online dating profiles, and other places in the real world when they feel like a loser in the fantasy world of their mind?

Short answer: they can't. 

The moral of this story is that singles need to make sure they're being realistic about the type of partner they think they can attract. Otherwise, they're setting themselves up for rejection and, in turn, sabotaging themselves by damaging the all-important confidence needed for dating success. 

How about you? Are you holding onto a fantasy that might be hindering you from moving forward in your dating search? If so, let me know. I'd be happy to support you in releasing it so you can succeed with dating. (267-245-3023 or gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com)



 

4 REASONS YOU NEED A PARTNER VISION LIST

I ask every client who hires me for dating coaching whether they have a Partner Vision List--a detailed description of the characteristics they seek in a partner.

Believe it or not, many of them don't have one...and that's a big mistake. Without my Partner Vision, I know I never would have found the love of my life.

Here are 4 reasons why I urge you to make that list right away:
1. It gives you clarity.
How are you going to FIND what you want if you don't KNOW what you want? Hasn't every dream or desire you've ever had started with an idea in your mind or a feeling in your heart about whatever you envisioned: the type of job you wanted, the kind of car you desired, the style of house you dreamed about? And didn't you find it was much more likely you'd realize those dreams once you clearly defined them?

The same is true about your romantic partner. Having a clear vision of that person (written down on paper) makes it far more likely you'll be able to spot him or her when he or she crosses your path.

2. It helps you focus better.
How are you going to meet people for dating unless you focus time and attention on that effort and focus on the types of places where you're likeliest to meet compatible people? Your Partner Vision provides much-needed focus too. The list gives you something to focus on when you're setting your intention and/or saying your prayers for partnership. I kept my list in my bedside table to focus on during nighttime prayers, and I taped it to my computer so I could keep the vision of my future partner top of mind while I was at work all day--a great manifestation tool to support the Law of Attraction. 

3. It signals how serious you are about finding a partner.
In addition, your written manifestation tool sends a powerful message to God/Your Higher Power that you are determined to attract a partner into your life. Anyone with a successful business will tell you it all started with a clear, written business plan. With a well-thought-out "blueprint" of your ideal partner on paper, your chances of success increase exponentially!

4. It gives you an important and helpful reference point. Every time you meet a new person on a dating site or at an event or activity, you can refer back to your list to determine if he or she has most of the qualities you know are compatible with you in a partner. That way, you won't be swayed by and taken in by someone's looks or charm even though he or she isn't right for you. You'll be able to rationally decide if it's worth pursuing this new person and not spend unnecessary time with people who aren't a match--a trap many of my clients fall into and then regret. 

Though it might sound analytical and methodical to use a written list to help you find a partner, it's just common sense--a practical tool to help make a complicated task easier. 

Or, if you think you already have a clear Partner Vision in your mind, write it down. Then enhance it with more than just appearance, age, and personality traits. List the values, philosophies of life, and dating behaviors you wish for in a partner too. The more detailed and specific, the better!

If you need help fleshing out your list, give me call (267-245-3023) or email me gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com. I'd love to help you!

DO YOU EVEN HAVE TIME FOR DATING?

Often, clients who haven't been in the dating world for ages ask me how much time the dating search will take. My simple answer is "more than you might think."

Why do I say that? Because, if you want to find a compatible person, it's smart to look in lots of places and/or to try lots of online dating websites. And then to try some more venues and more websites...and to continue that strategy week after week, month after month...until you cross paths with someone who's as interested in you as our are in him/her. 

That takes time....and patience.

It means you need to set aside some hours for 2 things: 
1) Sitting at your computer to peruse profiles and write emails and later having phone calls and meetings over coffee if you want success with online dating

2) Checking the newspaper and sites like Bucks County Alive.com (here in PA) and meetup.com for ideas of places to go to meet folks in person, such as singles groups and hobby activities...and then leaving your house at least twice a month to check these things out

If your life is super-busy because you have too many obligations, such as kids, elderly parents, a disorganized home or office, or long hours at work, it's unrealistic to think you can devote the time you'll need to search for dating prospects and then go on actual dates. And, if you do try to make the time, you'll probably be stressed out as a result.

The answer? Get all the other "ducks in a row" in your life (with a nice balance between work and family) first, before you even think about dating. Then, and only then, can you fully focus your attention on your dating life. And, believe me, if you're looking for love, that pursuit needs and deserves your FULL attention!

By full attention, I mean that you put a little effort into it every day. That could mean spending 15 minutes to search online and send an email or two...or to research some groups or events to attend over the weekend or next week. 

It could mean spending 10 minutes each day to respond to whatever emails you get on an online dating site..or having a phone call with someone you've exchanged emails with. (And then, of course, setting aside an hour within a week or so to have coffee or tea with an online prospect you clicked with on the phone).

Or it could mean spending 2 or 3 hours on a Saturday or Sunday attending a singles hike, wine tasting, dance, or other social event. Or the same amount of time checking out an art gallery, museum, movie premier, sporting event, arts festival, garden tour, or other outing related to your hobbies/passions.

You get the idea. Time needs to be carved out...and you need to commit yourself to periodically trying new things so you can cross paths with new people.

If you'd like an assessment of whether you're ready for dating yet and whether you can realistically devote the time to it, let me know. I'd be happy to help you determine your readiness...and then a dating game plan for when you ARE ready. gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or 267-245-3023

How Flexible Are You About Who You Date?

Are you an over-50 divorced or widowed person who's been told you're "too picky"? Are you somewhat inflexible about the parameters you set for the type of folks you'll consider dating? 

You are if you say something like this (which are statements I often hear from my older dating coaching clients):

"I've had a lot of dating experience and know what I want. I won't settle."

"I'm too old to play games. I just want people to be honest with me."

"I have to be attracted to the other person right away; otherwise, I know it won't work."

All of these sound like reasonable statements that are based on above-average knowledge of the dating world. But, in my opinion, they reflect a lack of the open-mindedness that is absolutely necessary in order to meet and date an interesting array of people.

"I won't settle" -- This statement is often indicative of a person who's not willing to reserve judgment until getting to know more about someone and, ultimately, to compromise with others to find a middle ground on whatever comes up in a relationship. I'm not saying you shouldn't have a clear "partner vision" and hold out for what you truly desire in a partner, but it helps you date more if you're open to different types of people. Often, the right person for you may not seem like a match at first but could reveal him or herself to be just that after a little time passes.

"I just want honesty." -- This is understandable, but you need to remember that people are putting their best foot forward in the beginning. They are presenting the most-positive picture of themselves in order to make a good first impression on you. And trust must grow between the two of you before he or she is comfortable being completely honest and, thus, vulnerable. Of course, I'm not saying you should tolerate people who are "playing games", lying, or not being forthcoming with you. But it helps to give others the benefit of the doubt regarding their behavior in the dating world. Many older singles are nervous, insecure, and inexperienced, especially if it's been a long time since they dated.

"I have to be immediately attracted." -- I agree that you should feel a comfort level and/or a warmth and some sort of connection with a dating prospect when you first meet. But actual sexual attraction may not develop until the second, third, or even fourth date. This happened to me with a couple of the men I dated...and later on, we had a wonderful physical relationship. The most important feeling you want to experience at first is pleasure being in that person's company...and the desire to see him or her again. I recommend giving each person you feel okay about a chance to "grow on" you. In my experience, getting to know the person better in terms of sense of humor and personality can reveal aspects that are more attractive than they seemed at first.

So, how flexible are you really? Be honest with yourself. If you determine you need to be more open-minded about the folks you meet in the dating world, let me know. I can definitely support you in that process...and ultimately help you have more success finding great people to date! (267-245-3023 or gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com 

AVOID THESE 3 UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS IN THE OVER-50 DATING WORLD

If you're over 50, how realistic do you think you are about the people you'll meet in the dating world? If you answer yes to any of these questions, you may not be realistic at all:

1) My date needs to be as good-looking or better looking than my last partner.

2) My date should be willing to make me the first priority in his/her life.

3) My date should be ready to go to bed with me by the third date.

Sounds crazy, right? But I can assure you I've worked with clients who had one or all of these expectations when they came to me for coaching, and my job was to help them do "a reality check".

LOOKS-In the first situation, some people set the bar way too high when it comes to looks and/or put far too much emphasis on appearance. Which makes very little sense for older daters who aren't the smooth-skinned "spring chickens" they once were.

Men and women are both guilty of this. How realistic is it, as one 50-something widower told me, to expect the women he dates now to have "a bikini body, just like my wife did"? (Note: his wife died in her 40s and never had any children.) And how realistic is it for a 60-something woman to expect a man her age to "have no beer belly" and to be as fit and health-minded as she is? 
What I suggest: I try to help both these types of people get real about the small minority of single people over 50 who fit those descriptions and encourage them to be more open-minded about appearance. I work with them on focusing instead on dating people with shared values, common interests, and similar lifestyles. You definitely can't tell a book by its cover.

PRIORITIES-In the second situation, I've had male clients bemoan the fact that women over 50 seem to be so busy with family, friends, jobs, volunteering, grandkids, hobbies, and traveling that they don't have time for a man in their life. The truth is that those women are often filling up their lives with people and activities so they won't be bored and lonely waiting for a man to appear. And, in general, men don't have as many friends to spend time with, and so they want their partners to be more available and to make them more of a priority. This is especially problematic if a man is already retired and his date isn't.
What I suggest: I encourage my overly busy female clients to carve out enough free time for both the dating search and actual dating...and tell them to keep in mind that a man wants to feel important in a woman's life. I encourage the men to create their own fun life, find ways to make more guy friends to do things with, and, when dating, to offer to get involved with the activities their lady loves.

SEX-I'd like to know who came up with this "3-date rule" thing. It can really mess up a potentially good relationship. 
What I suggest: It's wiser for both men and women to have no expectations, agenda, or timeline when it comes to intimacy. Let things flow naturally as caring and affection grow. A man putting pressure on a woman to have sex before she's ready (ie, feels an emotional connection to him) is not only counterproductive, but it borders on being coercive. Likewise, a woman who gives in and has sex just to ensure the man won't leave is fooling herself. He may get what he wants and leave anyway because he has not yet developed feelings for her. 

How about you? How realistic are your expectations in these 3 areas and other aspects of dating? If you might need a reality check to improve your chances of meeting a good match, let me know. I'd be happy to help!
gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or 267-245-3023

WHY DO ONLINE PROSPECTS SEEM INTERESTED & THEN DISAPPEAR?

This is the #1 question I get as a dating coach. "Why do people email, call, and and even have a couple of meetings and then disappear for days or weeks at a time?"

A recent article I read calls this "cookie jarring" (https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/what-cookie-jarring-have-you-been-victim-dating-trend-ncna1018471) and says that, though it's common for folks in the online dating world to "play the field" and date a few people at once while trying to decide which one feels like the best fit, there's an unfortunate new trend in which someone will string others along as "backups" while they're focusing their real efforts on someone else.

Similar to the way we might reach for a cookie when want a pick-me-up, the "cookie-jarrer" reaches out to his/her backup person when he/she starts to feel unsure about where the other relationship is headed, when the person he/she is pursuing isn't available, or after he/she has been rejected. In short, the cookier-jarrer is an insecure person who needs a "security blanket" and a contingency plan with someone else just in case the current dating relationship doesn't work out. 

The clients who come to me (the aforementioned "backups") are understandably confused and not very happy about the way they're being treated (ie, the pursuer isn't keeping in good touch, suggesting a date, or sounding at all enthused about learning more about them).

Sadly, these folks aren't immediately aware they're being kept on the "back burner". The pursuer dangles just enough "crumbs" to lead them to believe he/she is actually interested in moving to the next stage after a few emails, phone calls, or even get-togethers. But then nothing happens. The pursuer stops emailing/calling, doesn't arrange an actual date, and then disappears.

Here are the signs you're being "cookie-jarred":
1) The pursuer never wants to make a definite plan with you for a specific day or time but instead suggests coming over to your house on the spur of the moment
2) The pursuer doesn't make an effort to keep in touch with you and expects you to do all the contacting
3) There are big gaps in time between texts or emails
4) The pursuer avoids or gets defensive about conversations re: defining the relationship
5) The pursuer doesn't seem to be free on weekends
6) You sense that the pursuer is overly needy or insecure

If any of these things have happened to you, my best advice is for you to disappear too. Stop emailing or texting or calling to find out what happened. Just move on. 

Don't waste your precious time chasing after someone who's evasive, inconsiderate, or even rude about following up with you. Accept the fact that he/she just isn't interested (or, in truth, isn't mature and empathetic enough to think of the way his/her actions are impacting you). 

By moving  on, you free up the time and energy you need to find someone else who IS interested!

If you need direction or support in how to do that, give me a call (267-245-3023) or email me (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). I'd love to help! 

5 DATING APPS YOU MAY NOT HAVE HEARD OF

Looking for some alternatives to online dating or dating apps like Tinder? 

A recent article in a Philadelphia-area newspaper outlined 5 apps that you could try if you're looking for a  partner:

Double
This app lets you have a date in a group. It provides a safe way to meet people offline, and it also means you're more likely to get to know those who might interest you. It also helps you avoid the possible awkwardness of an individual meeting with a brand new person.

Swoonbox
This is the world's first event-based dating mobile app integrated into TicketMaster, TicketNetwork, Spotify, and Fandango. Using "deep learning", it matches you with others interested in the same music, sports, and other kinds of entertainment--so you can meet up with these folks in real life as quickly as possible.

Do I Date
This app's goal is to give you much more information and transparency about your possible meeting with someone before you go. It brings an unprecedented level of openness to dates because, on this platform, you can review and share past dating experiences--good or bad--for the benefit of others.

Now
Immediacy is the big advantage of this app. It allows you to find someone who is free and willing to do an activity at a specific time. So, if you happen to have a couple of free hours and nothing to do, you can meet up with others and suggest an activity idea.

OKCupid
In addition to being an online dating site, OKCupid offers an app. It gives more importance to the ideas and thoughts of its users than to their photos. According to its creators, it uses algorithms and information provided by users through questionnaires to arrange the perfect match.

Have you tried a dating app yet? If so, drop me a line to tell me about your experience (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). 

If you haven't, you might want to consider branching out in that direction. In the dating world, it always pays to be open-minded and try new things--so you can cross paths with new people!

7 SECRETS OF "FLIRTING" IN THE DATING WORLD

Not a flirt? Neither are most of my clients or other folks in the dating world. I certainly wasn't when I was "out there" trying to meet other singles. But I learned what those who have the most success connecting with new people do to get conversations going that can later lead to dates. 

Here are some tips:

1. Make eye contact - Everything starts with effective eye contact. You need to hold your gaze longer than you normally would—at least 2 seconds--and then look away. Don't  overdo it. There's a fine line between sending the "Hey, I noticed you…let’s talk" signal and the "I'm a creepy stalker" signal.
2. Smile - You want to convey that you're warmhearted, fun and approachable by smiling NATURALLY - at the friend you're standing with, at the people around you, at the bartender when he hands you your drink, etc. If you radiate friendliness to everyone around you, others get the message that, if they approach you, you'll be friendly and welcoming to them too.
3. Open with something playful - You can't go wrong with a lighthearted, fun comment. For example, at a dog park, you could say: "Your boxer is totally snubbing my pug! She can't help it if she snorts." Or, at a happy hour: "Oh...so you're a martini drinker? I've been warned about girls like you."  Just remember: smile, keep it light and be PLAYFUL, not biting or sarcastic. 

4. Ask questions about him/her - When you show interest in that person’s life, job, kids, hobbies, etc., he/she is flattered. This creates an instant attraction. He/she feels important and interesting and associates that feeling with being with you.

5. Laugh - A sense of humor is very attractive. If you laugh at his/her jokes, his/her 

confidence will skyrocket, and you’ll be more likely to start building the kind of 

connection that leads to wanting to spend more time together.

6. Reveal something unique about yourself - Maybe you have a talent like song-

writing, do awesome things for your community like building houses for Habitat for

Humanity, or are an aspiring scuba diver. These things will pique interest, intrigue the 

other person, and set you apart from the crowd. 

7. Pay attention to body language - Only 7% of communication is verbal; the other 93% is body language, including eye contact and tone of voice. Your actions speak louder than your words. Be aware of your own body language to ensure you send a positive message to new people you're meeting.

If you need some moral support or other tips about talking to new people at singles gatherings or other places, give me a call (267-245-3023) or email me (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). I love helping people feel more comfortable (and, ultimately, be more successful!) in the dating world.

4 SECRETS FOR GETTING MORE REPLIES FROM ONLINE DATING PROSPECTS

Sick and tired of taking so much time to search for and email prospects on one online dating site after another...only to have it result in few if any replies? I get it. I've been there. And I hear this complaint a lot from my dating coaching clients.

But it doesn't have to be this way. 

You can learn smarter ways to write an initial email and then see your reply rate improve a lot! In fact, I got double the number of responses when I used the strategies below.

These 4 tips can help you increase your chances of hearing back from the people you write to:

1) BE PROACTIVE: Write only to people active in the last week (the website usually tells you this) and be sure to write at least 5-10 people a week. Online dating is a numbers game--the more folks you contact, the greater your chances of replies in your mailbox. 

Also: make sure to monitor the website every day so you can write to new people within a day or two of their joining it. That's how I met my life partner 4 years ago. I wrote him the 2nd week he was on the site, before he had an onslaught of e-mail from other people...and he was very receptive to and excited about hearing from me since he was new to online dating. What a nice surprise that it turned out we were a great match for and immediately attracted to each other too! 

2) GET PERSONAL: Send a full personalized email (rather than a 1-click "Wink" or "Smile"). Give a sincere compliment about one specific thing the person wrote in his/her own words. Sound enthusiastic and impressed. In fact, I always used the subject line "I'm impressed!" in every email I sent. 

And don't be afraid to be the initiator. That's the only way I met the various men I dated online; the people who contacted me often weren't my type.

3) START A CONVERSATION: Ask a question about a hobby/interest or a passion you share with the person to get a conversation going. He/she will be much likelier to reply if there's a question to answer about a common interest as you begin a getting-to-know-you dialogue.

4) USE A STRONG CLOSING STATEMENT: Make sure the last line of your email gives the person hope of a connection. I always ended with "I have a bunch of the qualities you're looking for in a woman, and you have most of the traits I'm seeking in a guy. I think we're a good match...what do you think?" I sounded "sold" on him and then asked his opinion, so he'd be more likely to look closely at my profile. That way, he wouldn't make a snap judgment just based on my photo, age, or location--and would read more about me to determine whether he and I were compatible in other more important ways.

If you're having trouble writing the type of email I just described, call me (267-245-3023) or email me (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). I can help you get started and feel more comfortable with the process. Then, you can push "send" on a bunch of emails and enjoy the many positive replies you'll get!

5 WAYS TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE FOR DATING AFTER DIVORCE

Feeling anxious about trying to date again after your divorce? That's perfectly natural. You may be nervous because:

• It's been years since you were single and dating.
• Your self-esteem may have taken a hit during the divorce.
• You've heard scary stuff about people in the dating world.
• You're not confident about your ability to attract love again.

Over the last 14 years, I've helped hundreds of divorced men and women get past these and other insecurities and rebuild their confidence so they feel comfortable re-entering the dating world. 

Here are 5 things I suggest for boosting their confidence before they move forward:

1) Recapture your sense of self - Being single again gives you a chance to reconnect with yourself so you improve your self-respect, self-esteem, and self-love. Strength in these 3 areas is essential if you're going to see yourself as "a good catch" so you can project confidence. To get strong:  

  - Pay more attention to your desires and needs and take steps to fill them.

  - Do things you love to do and surround yourself with people who love you--two surefire ways to be more happy and exude positive vibes.

  - Make a list of your best qualities to remind yourself that you have much to offer a new partner. (This is often hard for my newly divorced clients to do, so if you need help with it, email me at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com.)

2) Do your research beforehand - We all feel more confident about doing something new when we've educated ourselves about it and researched the best ways to do it. Before embarking on a new adventure in the post-divorce dating world, investigate the groups and places where other divorced people go to meet each other. I recommend starting with www.meetup.com. It lists plenty of social groups for single and divorced people...as well as hundreds of hobby groups where you can meet people who share your passions. You can also consult with a dating coach like myself to create a personalized dating game plan.

3) Think in terms of abundance - By maintaining an attitude of "there are lots of fish in the sea," you'll feel more confident and hopeful about meeting someone right for you. This will help you avoid projecting a sense of urgency or desperation--which is very unattractive. Staying focused on the positive makes you naturally more confident and infinitely more attractive to dating prospects.

4) Practice, practice, practice! As with any pursuit, practicing something over and over builds confidence. I highly recommend thinking of first interactions with other single people as "practice dates". Say yes to first meetings with folks your friends might recommend for you. Use online dating to set up a bunch of initial meet-and-greet encounters. Try speed dating to have face-to-face conversations with new people. Practice your "flirting" skills wherever you go. This means giving people sincere compliments as a way to strike up a conversation. All of this helps you feel less nervous when talking to new people in the dating arena too. 

5) Move out of your comfort zone - Think of new challenging experiences to try so you can grow your confidence from the inside out. Take a risk to do something you didn't think you could do and see how it helps you trust yourself and feel more competent and confident. This could be as simple as going to a movie alone, showing up at a new singles group where you don't know anyone, or signing up for an event doing an activity you've been meaning to try but never tried before.

Take action on these 5 suggestions and see if you don't feel more confident about dating! If, afterward, you still want some extra moral support, drop me a line at the email address above. I'd be happy to help you develop the dating confidence you need! 

7 REASONS PEOPLE OVER 60 SHOULD TRY ONLINE DATING

Have you heard more online dating horror stories than you care to remember? Well, forget about those. They are the exception rather than the rule.

Today, I'd like to suggest we focus instead on success stories--like mine and those of the one third of married couples who initially met online (according to Pew research between 2005 an 2012). Yes, you CAN find love online! That's how I met the last 3 men I've had long-term relationships with.

And, as I tell my older clients, you can find love at any age! 

Even though some of my 60+ clients are hesitant to try online dating when they first call me, I share with them a myriad of reasons folks their age should definitely consider it. Here are 7 of them:

1. There are more older singles online than ever before. In fact, between 2013 and 2015 alone, the number of online daters aged 56-64 doubled.

2. Online dating is convenient--and much easier than going out to events. Unfortunately, there aren't that many singles events for people over 60, so searching for matches online is efficient and effective.

3. Older people usually have the time to devote to online dating. Even though online dating is convenient and efficient, it can be time consuming. But, if you're retired or semi-retired, it's not that hard for you to carve out the time for searching, sending and responding to emails, and having phone calls and first meetings with prospective dates.

4. There are more online dating sites for seniors than ever before...and there are always new ones popping up. In addition to long-standing sites like Senior People Meet, Silver Singles, Dating for Seniors, Just Senior Singles, and Senior Friend Finder, there are newer ones too: 50 Plus Club, Age Match, Elite Singles, Senior Match, and SinglesOver60.org.

5. There are free sites just for singles too: Seniors Circle, Senior Passions, Senior Friends Date, Free Senior Dating Agency, and Dating.Aarp.org. 

6. You have access to more people than you would in your daily life. If you're no longer working and not as involved in committees, community activities, and hobbies as you used to be, online dating gives you access to a whole new world of millions of single, divorced, and widowed people you'd never run across otherwise.

7. If you're a woman, it's an easy way to be the initiator. Over-60 women were brought up to believe the man needs to be the pursuer. But, with online dating, it's perfectly acceptable--and very easy--to reach out with the first email to men who look like a good match for you. Even if you're shy, it's a simple way to start a conversation with an interesting guy.

So, what do you think? Isn't online dating worth considering? If you're not having any luck meeting people for dating through the usual channels, I'd highly recommend giving online dating a try. 

If you have any questions about getting started or need moral support to put your toe in the water, email me at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com. I'm here for you! 

Dating Advice for Guys From Guys

Men are more likely to take dating advice from other men--especially male dating coaches--than they are from female coaches or other women in their lives. And it's fascinating to read the tips that men offer men.

I did some research this week on dating success pointers for guys over 50 from male dating coaches and authors. These 8 tips stood out to me as especially good advice:

1) Let women initiate. This author writing for the AARP says the numbers are on men's side as they age, since single women outnumber men by quite a bit after age 50--and even moreso after age 65. He says that, since women have fewer unattached men to choose from, they know they need to be proactive if they meet a guy they like. So they're likely to initiate contact if they're interested in you. 
2) Check yourself on Google and Facebook. Usually, a woman who's interested in you will Google you to learn more about you and also check your Facebook page. So you need to make sure the latter presents you in a favorable light.
3) Use ONLY smiling photos in your online dating profile. One guy coach says this will increase the response rate you'll get from women by 40%. (I can vouch for this: most women I coach feel a smiling man is much more likely to be nice, friendly, sensitive, and sincere, so they'll feel more comfortable sending him the first email.)
4) Dress for success. This male author, who's dated a lot and had many long-term relationships, encourages guys to pay closer attention to their clothing so they look sharp, not rumpled. He even recommends getting a manicure. (Again, I can confirm the truth in this. Many of my women clients tell me that a man's dirty or unkempt nails and sloppy clothing were turn-offs for them on a first meeting or date.)
5) Stay in good shape. Say no more. Men aren't the only ones who are more attracted to members of the opposite sex who are fit and trim.
6) Be doggedly attentive and affectionate. Yes, there's nothing more appealing than a man who is attentive and affectionate. Women absolutely love those two qualities! 
7) Be upbeat, funny, and optimistic. What woman wouldn't want to spend more time with a guy like that?
8) LISTEN! This male coach recommends showing genuine interest in a woman's life journey, including her career, aspirations, hobbies, kids, successes, and disappointments by listening attentively while she talks. And he strongly urges men to listen carefully enough to express curiosity about her and then ask follow-up questions, which show her you really want to learn more.

Again, I know this is true. I've said this before in other blogs: the #1 complaint my female clients make about men in the dating world is that they don't ask enough questions about them.

I'd love to hear what my male readers think about this list of dating tips--no matter what age you are. Please drop me a line with your thoughts (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). And if you're a woman reading this, please pass it onto any single, divorced, or widowed men you know to get their take on it. I'd love to hear their feedback. Thanks!

For Single Guys Who Want a Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day 2019! It's the day to celebrate love in all its forms--for yourself, your kids, your parents, your coworkers, your neighbors, your pets, your friends, and your girlfriend or partner (if you have one). But what if you don't?

Today's blog is for single, divorced, and widowed men who are wishing that they had a special woman to call their Valentine--someone to wake up with, do fun things with, eat meals with, kiss before and after a long day at work, travel with, pamper, and hold in your arms as you're falling asleep each night. Wouldn't that be nice?

After many years of post-divorce dating myself and then 13 years coaching men and women over 40 who are searching in the dating world for that special someone, I know one thing for sure:

It's sometimes hard for men to reach out for help in this area of life, even if they realize the things they're doing to meet women aren't working. 

I understand, guys. It doesn't feel right to ask for assistance with something that society assumes men are good at--attracting women. You want to project a strong, confident image...and you think you should just "know" what to do.

But, as the years pass, youth fades, and our "baggage" take its toll, we all start to wonder if we still have what it takes to appeal to the opposite sex. And it's especially challenging for men because they sometimes struggle to understand women and to know how to approach, talk to, and impress them. 

That's when a female dating coach can be invaluable.

Maybe you've wondered how to strike up a conversation with (or write an email to) a new woman in person (or on an Internet dating site)--which is what you need to do to get the ball rolling. Well, the answer is simple: give her a sincere compliment.

Women love it when a man notices and gives her a compliment related to her smile, her eyes, her voice, her friendliness, her intellect, or even the way she dances (if you happen to meet her at a dance). 

Here are some other examples:
- If you meet her at a hiking group, you could compliment her on her energy level, the great hiking boots she chose, or her knowledge of trails and parks in the area. 
- If you meet her at a kid- or teen-related activity such as a play, concert, or sporting event, you could ask her about and/or compliment her son's or daughter's abilities/talent. Women really like a man who is sincerely interested in and gives positive feedback about her children. 
- If you meet her at a business function, ask her about or compliment her on  her career path and/or her professional skills.
- If you see her on an online dating site, write a 3- or 4-sentence email complimenting her on something she said in her own words about her passions, aspirations, family, career, or hobbies.

You get the idea. It's all about communicating to her that you want to learn more about her as a person and get to know her better. That's what dating is for. It's a getting-to-know-you process that builds from a foundation of initial attraction and true curiosity--and ultimately reveals areas of commonality that could potentially create a bond and be the basis of a budding new relationship. 

Hopefully, this blog has given you enough ideas so you'll feel more comfortable approaching women you're attracted to. If you want more ideas or a supportive person to get you jump-started, drop me a line (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or 267-245-3023). 

I'm here to answer all your questions about women and dating...so maybe this time next year you can spend Valentine's Day with a really great girl!  

Women Laugh 127% More Than Men!

Fascinating! I came across this statistic recently while doing research for a motivational presentation about laughter and, in light of what I know about the differences between men and women in the dating world, it's not surprising.

In fact, studies show that single women looking for men to date seek a partner who can make them laugh twice as often as they claim to be funny themselves. And men want to be the provider of humor 33% more often than they seek that ability in a partner. Instead, they want a woman who laughs at their jokes. This is because laughter demonstrates enjoyment and interest, or connection and understanding--which men feel are desirable qualities in a potential mate.

How true! Most of the men I dated over the years did their best to make me laugh...and often succeeded. And, because I laugh easily, it created an instant bond between us. 

Here are some more fun facts about laughter in relationships:

- Women tend to choose funnier men as partners and often list sense of humor as the #1 trait they desire in a man.

- Evolutionary psychologists say a sense of humor is a sign of intellect and strong genes and that women--the more selective sex due to the need to find suitable fathers for their children--are attracted to funny men because of the genetic benefit for their potential offspring.

- When you first meet someone, a good sense of humor signals to you that he or she is not just intelligent but also creative and playful--two more very attractive qualities.

When I asked the women in the audience at my presentation about laughter why they think women laugh more, they said "Because we're often laughing at how ridiculous men are." Men, on the other hand, believe they're funnier than women. I beg to differ. Consider comedians such as Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball, Ellen DeGeneres, Melissa McCarthy, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Sarah Silverman, Amy Schumer, and many more.

So why do women laugh more than men? Well, there are several clinical explanations having to do with the differences in women's brain chemistry. But, for the sake of this article, I'll keep it simple:

The main reason is that, as research shows, men think that, by being funny, they'll impress women and win them over; so they do their best to be humorous. And women, who are natural connectors, laugh at their jokes as a way of creating a bond. As the psychologists describe it, "laughter is an involuntary response that functions as a social lubricant." In other words, it eases the development of a connection between two people.

In short, a shared laugh is a great way to begin feeling close to someone...and to begin building a foundation for a relationship. Something to keep in mind as you circulate in the dating world. Have fun!!

There ARE Benefits to Dating After Age 60!

Over 60 and discouraged by the challenges involved with finding suitable possibilities in the dating world? You're not alone. People like you come into my office for coaching every week. My job is to give them hope and some tools to use to find great prospects.

Here's something that should help. I recently read an article offered by Elite Singles, an online dating site for educated, selective, older men and women who are divorced or widowed. It listed a few benefits older daters should keep in mind:

1) WISER AND CLEARER: Being older also means you're wiser and clearer about what you want and what type of person is right for you. Experience has taught you what kinds of people are not a fit for you, so you can steer clear of those, not waste valuable time dating them, and free up time to go where you're more likely to find your kind of person.

2) STRONG FOUNDATION OF EXPERIENCE: At this age, you're largely on a level playing field with other "seniors" in the dating "marketplace" who also have experience, accrued wisdom/life lessons, and the resilience to know they can recover from loss and heartbreak and rebuild their lives and relationships. When you meet others who have also lived and loved and are ready to open their hearts again, you share a "launch pad of experience"--a strong foundation for a future relationship with another 60-something.

3) AUTHENTICALLY YOURSELF: By this stage in life, it's likely you feel comfortable in your own skin. You know who you are and what you want. It's easier for you to be authentic with other people, which saves the time of pointless posturing and allows you to connect with the right kind of person from the get-go.

4) MORE CONFIDENT: Even though some older folks lose body confidence as they age, it's important to remember that everyone ages and that confidence is a state of mind. Research has shown that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a potential date. So, to keep your confidence high, it's best to focus on what makes you a great catch (interior qualities such as character, personality, and values) rather than just your exterior appearance.

5) NEW PROSPECTS ALL THE TIME: After the age of 60, the chances of becoming widowed or divorced go up--which means there are always new 60+ people entering the dating world. You will not run out of options! If you keep your eye on several online dating sites and continue going to new and different meetup groups, singles organizations, and social activities, you'll consistently be crossing paths with people who are newly single and now available. 

By remembering all these benefits as you head out into the dating world, it should be easier for you and other over-60 singles to stay positive as you continue searching for suitable partners. 

Age is really just a number. You can be 65 years old or 65 years young, depending on your mind-set. By maintaining a positive attitude and an open mind while also staying curious and flexible, you increase your chances of running into and/or attracting other people like you--which means they are potentially very compatible with you.

Give it a try! Focus on these 5 ways that your age is actually an asset in the dating world and see what happens. I bet your success rate will go way up! 

Let me know how it goes by dropping me a note at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com. Happy dating!