When I'm coaching someone who hasn't dated in a long time, my first question is: "Do you have a clear partner vision--a picture of the kind of person who's most compatible with you?" And I invite you to think about this question too.
People often think I'm asking what physical type they're attracted to. Or what age person they're seeking. Or what kind of job or income they want their partner to have. But those characteristics are much less important than 2 things I'm hoping they'll think seriously about:
- What needs are most important for my partner to fill at this time in my life?
- What lifestyle factors should be similar so we'll have a smooth-flowing life together?
To help them answer, I give examples from my life and relationships. After two marriages and many dating partners, I've gotten super-clear on the answers to those key questions. And my current partner definitely fits my desired vision in both areas--more than any other man I've been in a serious relationship with. That's why our relationship feels so right and so fulfilling.
Here are some examples. What would be on your list in these 2 areas?
Needs that are most important for my partner to fill
1. Attention - listen & care
2. Affection - touch me lovingly throughout the day
3. Acceptance - seek to understand and accept me just as I am
4. Acknowledgment - notice & mention things about me that you admire and respect
Lifestyle factors needed for a smooth-flowing life together
1. Early risers
2. Healthy eaters & health-minded in terms of regular medical checkups
3. Daily exercisers
4. Good homemakers-diligent about keeping our house clean & well maintained
5. Thrifty shoppers who use coupons & look for bargains
6. Passionate travelers who plan out-of-town getaways a few times a year
7. Family-focused people who see our kids & grandkids often
8. Environmentally minded people who live with a focus on sustainable, green living
9. Not big TV watchers but do record and view comedy programs regularly
10. Spiritual people who attend services & regularly do spiritual reading/practices
11. Music lovers who enjoy listening to music during dinner & lovemaking
As you can see, this is a well-thought-out, detailed list...and that's what you need if you hope to find the right person for you. The clearer your vision the better. Then, when that person crosses your path, you'll KNOW he or she is the right match for you!
I love helping people clarify their partner vision and their relationship needs. If you need moral support with gaining that clarity, drop me a line! (firstname.lastname@example.org)