6 RULES OF THUMB FOR DATING IN MIDLIFE

As a coach who specializes in helping singles over 40 have more success with dating, I've recently noticed that at least 40% of my clients are 60 or older. They fall into 3 groups:

1) long-time post-divorce daters who are tired, jaded, or in need of new dating strategies
2) widows/widowers who, after long happy marriages, aren't sure how to begin dating again
3) men and women who've gotten so comfortable being alone that they're not sure they have the desire or ability to be in a close relationship with someone again yet feel the need for companionship

No matter which group they're in, I can help them sort out their feelings, boost their confidence, find places to meet singles their age, and approach dating in a more positive way. I encourage them to follow these 6 rules of thumb for midlife dating:

Love yourself completely: Get comfortable with who you are—your age, your body, your preferences, your beliefs. This will enable you to be confident telling those you date what you believe, what you want, and what you need. Confidence is 70% of the success formula for dating.

Get clear on your “Partner Vision” of the most-compatible person for you. Be specific! Write down your top 5 “must have” traits, 15 strong preferences & 5 “cherry on top” traits that would be nice to have but not absolutely necessary. Put this list in your bedside table to read each night and in your handbag or briefcase to carry with you wherever you go.

Use all 3 methods for meeting new people: singles groups, hobby/Meetup groups, and online dating. There are over-60 single people in all 3 places.

Don’t settle: Hold out for all of what you want—not just 50% or 60%. Be willing to drive people away in the dating world by being authentically yourself. Don’t pretend to be something you think others want. Dating is a screening process that brings you closer and closer to the most compatible partner for YOU.

Employ the 4 P’s of dating success: Positive attitude, Proactivity, Persistence, and Patience.

Create a happy life: “If you’re looking for the love of your life, STOP! He/she will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.” – David Steele, Founder of the Relationship Coaching Institute and Author of Conscious Dating

How about you? Are you over 60 and ready to date but not finding compatible people? If you're sticking to these 6 rules of thumb but still having no luck, you may need some extra moral support or new ideas to jump-start your dating life. If so, give me a call. That's my specialty, and I'd love to help!

Facebook Can Hinder Healing From a Breakup

I bet you know someone who reconnected with an "old flame" via Facebook and went on to start dating. This can happen when both people are single and available.

You might also know someone who wasn't single but who still reconnected with an old flame on Facebook and started an emotional affair that led to problems in his or her marriage, or even divorce.

However, you may not know someone like my 60-something female client who reconnected with an old flame via Facebook, had a wonderful 2-year relationship, got rejected by him when he started seeing a much younger woman, and then couldn't recover from the breakup because she was unable to stop herself from checking his status on Facebook. 

Seeing photos of him with the new girlfriend caused extra pain just when my client was beginning to get over him. Yet, it was impossible for her to put distance between herself and him by staying off Facebook while she was grieving the loss. She inadvertently kept reopening the wound and thus sabotaging her much-needed healing process.

Why? Is Facebook THAT addictive? Is "snooping" on old "friends" too hard to resist? Why couldn't this client just "unfriend" the person so she could disengage from him and get on with her life?

I understand. Curiosity can get the best of you. It's hard to resist checking Facebook to find out what people are up to. I remember giving into the urge to check the page of someone I broke up with years ago too, even though I initiated the breakup. I was curious. But a few days later, realizing that doing that only reminded me of him and hindered me from healing and moving forward, I unfriended him and never looked back.

I advised my client to promise herself she would take a long break from Facebook, ask a good friend to hold her accountable for that promise, and also give me a progress report on how she was doing with it. I also recommended a grief counselor to help her recover from the loss and make a healthy fresh start in life.

How about you? Has Facebook been a help or a hindrance to you in the dating world? I'd love to hear your story and/or moral support you if you're finding it a hindrance.