Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Are you saying no to the love of your life?

I just heard a great podcast with Julie Ferman (aka "Cupid's Coach) who provides matchmaking and dating coaching services to successful women looking for love. One thing in her interview really stood out: she said many women don't find the love of their life because they focus more on a man's "secondary" qualities like his height, age, job, hair, distance from her, the car he drives, and the age of his kids than they do on his "primary" qualities like values, personality, passions, respect for women, emotional IQ, parenting style, and readiness for commitment.

She said that, if she's found a great match for someone who then comes back to her after the first meeting and says "Great guy, no chemistry", she urges her to give him another chance. Then, she tells the man to plan a date that woman can't refuse--something, based on her passions, that she'd absolutely LOVE to do. Often, once the woman sees the guy again, lets him pamper her with the date of her dreams, and gets to know him better, she begins to see him in a different light. And, sometimes, a warm feeling grows between them that can make him look more attractive and appealing to her than he did at the first meeting. More times than not, she finds out he really IS a great guy who cherishes her and respects her, and love begins to bloom.

This happened to me several times during my dating years and has happened to clients and friends of mine too. Sometimes, we make a snap judgment about someone based on appearance and never give him/her a chance to show us his/her heart and soul. I can't tell you how many times a man's sense of humor, playfulness, intelligence, or laid-back manner won me over and caused me to be turned on by him...even after I'd predetermined he wasn't my physical type. Experience showed me that all 3 of these traits can be very sexy.

How about you sometimes make snap judgments about potential dates based on the outer trappings of their lives rather than the inner person? If so, you could very well be passing up opportunities to forge deep, satisfying relationships with people who may turn out to be perfect for you. If this has happened to you, share your story. I'd love to hear about it! :-)