Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Why Men Rarely Use Dating Coaches

In the 11 years I've been a dating coach, I've always had over 90% female clients. Where are the men and why do they hesitate to use a coach? They're OK with reaching out to executive coaches for support with business advancement or sports coaches to help them improve in the world of sports. 

So why do they hesitate to ask for support in attracting women in the world of dating? I did some research on this and found some fascinating facts about single men: 

1) They think they should know how to get the girl without help. Even in the 21st century, ancient, irrelevant norms are subconsciously running the show. Men (the "hunters") still believe they're expected to go out and drag home the women (the "gatherers"). It's assumed that all men know just how to do that instinctively, because they're men. As one female dating coach puts it, "We expect every man to graduate high school with a PhD in courtship." That, of course, is unrealistic. Even the best of us can benefit from getting help to fine-tune our skills or jump-start us when we're a little "rusty" at something.

2) They're uncomfortable with the word "coach". They think using a coach means they're incompetent or unskilled in courtship. That implies that someone else is better at dating than they are. Thus, another female coach uses the term "dating optimizer" or "love adjuster" instead of dating coach--to imply that she's just there to help the guys up their game and be more competitive. In truth, women dating coaches help single men learn the rules of the dating game from a female perspective, which GREATLY increases their chances of winning over the girl!

3) They mistakenly believe their status/success should be enough to attract a partner. Unfortunately, in 2017, women are seeking many other qualities in a date, life partner, or husband (i.e., caring, compassion, and companionship, to name a few). However, in public, many men whose status isn't attracting quality women assume something is wrong with the women. Inside themselves, though, they start to feel something may be wrong with them. So they shut themselves off at the office or at home, using the excuse that they're too busy or tired at the end of the night to meet anyone. This is a recipe for failure, and, as a result, many will go years or even decades without a date.

If you're a guy or you know one who's not meeting his kind of women for dating, a session with a dating expert is worth considering. Here are the most helpful services she offers:

- help writing an online dating profile that women will like and respond to
- help understanding women and the psychology of attraction
- help figuring out how he can stand out from the crowd of other guys competing for the women he wants
- help to prevent falling into the "friend zone"
- help overcoming anxiety about approaching and talking to women
- help bringing out his funny, charismatic, confident self to attract more women
- help navigating the dating process from "small talk to seduction" 

Ready for more success with women? I'm here to help!

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Celebrating ALL kinds of love on Valentine's Day

Many singles dislike Valentine's Day because they're not currently dating someone. That's understandable in a culture that puts so much emphasis on couplehood  But they'd be better off (and a lot happier) if they put the emphasis on the original meaning of the Feast of Saint Valentine--love. Love of all  kinds.

This is a good day to stop and consider all the types of love you experience in your life:
- Love for your parents, children, grandchildren, and siblings
- Love for your pets
- Love for your friends and neighbors
- Love for your Higher Power 

And don't forget the fondness you feel for your boss, coworkers, clients/customers, hairdresser, mail person, workout buddy, fellow volunteers, and other great people in your life. Love is not exclusive to or only to be celebrated with romantic partners.

So, even though my work as a dating coach is focused on helping people find their Valentine, I always remind clients and all the single, divorced, and widowed people I know to reframe this "lovers' holiday" as a broader commemorance of all the people in their lives who love them and who they have the privilege of loving. 

If you sat down to make a list of those people right now, I bet there would be at least 10 names on  it. Your job on this Feast of Love: Focus on that list and the emotions you feel for those people. Then you can't help but have a very


Thursday, February 9, 2017

Confident Enough to Talk to a Complete Stranger?

Are you a great catch? Feel you have something to offer a future partner? Are you secure enough in yourself to KNOW someone out there would love to date you and develop a relationship with you?

If not, you're not ready to venture into the dating world. Why? 

Because it takes a lot of confidence to email complete strangers on an online dating site or approach people you don't know at singles events.

Many single, divorced, and widowed people who hire me as their dating coach don't have that confidence. They THINK they're ready to search for and be seen by potential dates. But they're not. 

They're hesitant, insecure, or downright fearful about presenting themselves. Some worry about their looks; some don't what to say to dating prospects in an email or in person; and others are afraid about the types of people they'll encounter or whether anyone will like them. Seriously. 

What's baffling is that many of these people are successful baby boomers with great qualities who've had wonderful relationships in the past. But now, for a variety of reasons, they lack the confidence to try to connect with new people without worrying about rejection. (Rejection, of course, is just a natural part of the dating process--you'll reject some folks who aren't good matches, and you'll be rejected by others who don't think you're their "cup of tea". That's just the way it is.) 

The key to dating world success is not to take rejection personally. Simply move on and keep looking. You do that by seeing rejection in a more-positive light. As I tell my clients, "You just screened out a non-match, so now you have the time, energy, and freedom to find a good match."

Yes, it takes confidence and a really good sense of self to "put yourself out there" and then to handle being rejected and also to figure out how to reject others kindly--whether it's online or at singles events or hobby activity groups. But, if you want to meet someone to date and/or fall in love with, you'll have to strengthen your confidence.

If you need support in doing that, contact me (267-245-3023 or gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). I've helped hundreds of people see themselves more positively, believe in their "dateability", and grow in self-esteem and self-love..so they can march confidently into the singles world and attract great people for dating. 

I'm confident you can do it too!!