Ladies, is your life too busy for dating? Consider this...
I read an article the other day by a 55-year-old widower saying the big difference between dating now and when he was in his 20s was that there's now more competition than ever. Not from other men...but from all the other people and activities in the lives of the divorced and widowed women he was meeting.
I've often heard this from my male clients as well: women over 50 have so much going on with work, kids, grandkids, friends, committees, classes, hobbies, aging parents, etc. that a man wonders how he'll fit into the mix. How important will he be in her life? Will she be able to carve out quality time for him as they're dating, building a relationship...and possibly being together long term?
This is a legitimate concern. A man wants your family and friends to accept him so that he can be included in the outings and activities you share with them. If you don't invite him to be part of the many aspects of your life, a man won't get his need for companionship met or be able to envision a long-term partnership with you. And he won't feel he can be of service and enhance your life in some way, which are core male needs in a relationship.
So, when you're writing an online dating profile or chatting for the first time with a new man you met, it's best not to ramble on about how busy you are with a million and one things. Sure, men are attracted to active, interesting women. But they also want to know you have time for them.
The second thing you need to do is make it clear you value private, one-on-one time with a partner. Again, your online dating profile and first conversation with a guy out in the singles world should emphasize the fact you make alone time with a partner a priority. This means you're willing to put "date nights" with him on your calendar...and to make sure your schedule is flexible enough to accommodate a spontaneous casual get-together, time with his friends and family, or even a weekend getaway.
Lastly, you need to show a man you're able to be "present" with him and you care about him, your relationship, and what's important to him. I've heard several men I know lament the fact that the women in their past relationships were disengaged, overly independent, or preoccupied with things outside their relationship. As a result, the men felt disconnected and less emotionally invested in the partnership.
If you want a prospective date to warm up to you at first and feel deeply connected to you later, you need to be in the moment with him. You need to listen and show you care. You need to make time to see each other often--to facilitate the getting-to-know-you process. And you need to tell him what you like/admire about him and how he can help you with day-to-day things, so he feels like your "knight in shining armor."
If doing all this means you have to simplify your life and even clear some things off your schedule to make time to search for and then date the right man for you, do it! Is there anything more important than having a loving partner to share your life?
I didn't think so. :-)