Dating Advice for Guys From Guys

Men are more likely to take dating advice from other men--especially male dating coaches--than they are from female coaches or other women in their lives. And it's fascinating to read the tips that men offer men.

I did some research this week on dating success pointers for guys over 50 from male dating coaches and authors. These 8 tips stood out to me as especially good advice:

1) Let women initiate. This author writing for the AARP says the numbers are on men's side as they age, since single women outnumber men by quite a bit after age 50--and even moreso after age 65. He says that, since women have fewer unattached men to choose from, they know they need to be proactive if they meet a guy they like. So they're likely to initiate contact if they're interested in you. 
2) Check yourself on Google and Facebook. Usually, a woman who's interested in you will Google you to learn more about you and also check your Facebook page. So you need to make sure the latter presents you in a favorable light.
3) Use ONLY smiling photos in your online dating profile. One guy coach says this will increase the response rate you'll get from women by 40%. (I can vouch for this: most women I coach feel a smiling man is much more likely to be nice, friendly, sensitive, and sincere, so they'll feel more comfortable sending him the first email.)
4) Dress for success. This male author, who's dated a lot and had many long-term relationships, encourages guys to pay closer attention to their clothing so they look sharp, not rumpled. He even recommends getting a manicure. (Again, I can confirm the truth in this. Many of my women clients tell me that a man's dirty or unkempt nails and sloppy clothing were turn-offs for them on a first meeting or date.)
5) Stay in good shape. Say no more. Men aren't the only ones who are more attracted to members of the opposite sex who are fit and trim.
6) Be doggedly attentive and affectionate. Yes, there's nothing more appealing than a man who is attentive and affectionate. Women absolutely love those two qualities! 
7) Be upbeat, funny, and optimistic. What woman wouldn't want to spend more time with a guy like that?
8) LISTEN! This male coach recommends showing genuine interest in a woman's life journey, including her career, aspirations, hobbies, kids, successes, and disappointments by listening attentively while she talks. And he strongly urges men to listen carefully enough to express curiosity about her and then ask follow-up questions, which show her you really want to learn more.

Again, I know this is true. I've said this before in other blogs: the #1 complaint my female clients make about men in the dating world is that they don't ask enough questions about them.

I'd love to hear what my male readers think about this list of dating tips--no matter what age you are. Please drop me a line with your thoughts (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). And if you're a woman reading this, please pass it onto any single, divorced, or widowed men you know to get their take on it. I'd love to hear their feedback. Thanks!

For Single Guys Who Want a Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day 2019! It's the day to celebrate love in all its forms--for yourself, your kids, your parents, your coworkers, your neighbors, your pets, your friends, and your girlfriend or partner (if you have one). But what if you don't?

Today's blog is for single, divorced, and widowed men who are wishing that they had a special woman to call their Valentine--someone to wake up with, do fun things with, eat meals with, kiss before and after a long day at work, travel with, pamper, and hold in your arms as you're falling asleep each night. Wouldn't that be nice?

After many years of post-divorce dating myself and then 13 years coaching men and women over 40 who are searching in the dating world for that special someone, I know one thing for sure:

It's sometimes hard for men to reach out for help in this area of life, even if they realize the things they're doing to meet women aren't working. 

I understand, guys. It doesn't feel right to ask for assistance with something that society assumes men are good at--attracting women. You want to project a strong, confident image...and you think you should just "know" what to do.

But, as the years pass, youth fades, and our "baggage" take its toll, we all start to wonder if we still have what it takes to appeal to the opposite sex. And it's especially challenging for men because they sometimes struggle to understand women and to know how to approach, talk to, and impress them. 

That's when a female dating coach can be invaluable.

Maybe you've wondered how to strike up a conversation with (or write an email to) a new woman in person (or on an Internet dating site)--which is what you need to do to get the ball rolling. Well, the answer is simple: give her a sincere compliment.

Women love it when a man notices and gives her a compliment related to her smile, her eyes, her voice, her friendliness, her intellect, or even the way she dances (if you happen to meet her at a dance). 

Here are some other examples:
- If you meet her at a hiking group, you could compliment her on her energy level, the great hiking boots she chose, or her knowledge of trails and parks in the area. 
- If you meet her at a kid- or teen-related activity such as a play, concert, or sporting event, you could ask her about and/or compliment her son's or daughter's abilities/talent. Women really like a man who is sincerely interested in and gives positive feedback about her children. 
- If you meet her at a business function, ask her about or compliment her on  her career path and/or her professional skills.
- If you see her on an online dating site, write a 3- or 4-sentence email complimenting her on something she said in her own words about her passions, aspirations, family, career, or hobbies.

You get the idea. It's all about communicating to her that you want to learn more about her as a person and get to know her better. That's what dating is for. It's a getting-to-know-you process that builds from a foundation of initial attraction and true curiosity--and ultimately reveals areas of commonality that could potentially create a bond and be the basis of a budding new relationship. 

Hopefully, this blog has given you enough ideas so you'll feel more comfortable approaching women you're attracted to. If you want more ideas or a supportive person to get you jump-started, drop me a line (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or 267-245-3023). 

I'm here to answer all your questions about women and dating...so maybe this time next year you can spend Valentine's Day with a really great girl!  

Women Laugh 127% More Than Men!

Fascinating! I came across this statistic recently while doing research for a motivational presentation about laughter and, in light of what I know about the differences between men and women in the dating world, it's not surprising.

In fact, studies show that single women looking for men to date seek a partner who can make them laugh twice as often as they claim to be funny themselves. And men want to be the provider of humor 33% more often than they seek that ability in a partner. Instead, they want a woman who laughs at their jokes. This is because laughter demonstrates enjoyment and interest, or connection and understanding--which men feel are desirable qualities in a potential mate.

How true! Most of the men I dated over the years did their best to make me laugh...and often succeeded. And, because I laugh easily, it created an instant bond between us. 

Here are some more fun facts about laughter in relationships:

- Women tend to choose funnier men as partners and often list sense of humor as the #1 trait they desire in a man.

- Evolutionary psychologists say a sense of humor is a sign of intellect and strong genes and that women--the more selective sex due to the need to find suitable fathers for their children--are attracted to funny men because of the genetic benefit for their potential offspring.

- When you first meet someone, a good sense of humor signals to you that he or she is not just intelligent but also creative and playful--two more very attractive qualities.

When I asked the women in the audience at my presentation about laughter why they think women laugh more, they said "Because we're often laughing at how ridiculous men are." Men, on the other hand, believe they're funnier than women. I beg to differ. Consider comedians such as Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball, Ellen DeGeneres, Melissa McCarthy, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Sarah Silverman, Amy Schumer, and many more.

So why do women laugh more than men? Well, there are several clinical explanations having to do with the differences in women's brain chemistry. But, for the sake of this article, I'll keep it simple:

The main reason is that, as research shows, men think that, by being funny, they'll impress women and win them over; so they do their best to be humorous. And women, who are natural connectors, laugh at their jokes as a way of creating a bond. As the psychologists describe it, "laughter is an involuntary response that functions as a social lubricant." In other words, it eases the development of a connection between two people.

In short, a shared laugh is a great way to begin feeling close to someone...and to begin building a foundation for a relationship. Something to keep in mind as you circulate in the dating world. Have fun!!