Monday, August 30, 2010


I read a great quote today that both my dating coaching and life coaching clients could benefit from:
"Anger, depression, and judging others--even the illusion of control--are all contagious. Far too often, however, we forget that HAPPINESS IS THE MOST CONTAGIOUS STATE OF MIND OF ALL."

I'm sure you've noticed how people who are smiling and happy give off vibes that rub off on those around them. If you've ever smiled back at a stranger walking down the street who smiled at you, you know how this feels. Yes, happiness and joy ARE contagious. They spread easily to anyone the happy person comes in contact with.

For singles circulating in both the world at large and singles events, this is wisdom worth noting, remembering, and putting into practice. There's nothing more "attractive" (that is, able to attract other people) than someone who's smiling and seems happy and having fun. Everyone wants to be around that person. He or she is a people magnet.

That's why my first advice to anyone seeking to attract dates and/or a long-term relationship in the dating world is to GET HAPPY YOURSELF. Create a fun-filled, rewarding life with friends, family and coworkers BEFORE you go out looking for Mr. or Ms. Right. Focus on getting all your ducks in a row and building a life of contentment. After you do that, it will be MUCH easier to attract another happy person into your life. And two happy people will always have a better connection and a smoother relationship than two miserable people (or even one happy + one miserable). It's just common sense.

My husband Jim and I both spent almost 9 years after our respective divorces redesigning our lives to be happier. Then and only then was it a good time for us to the chances of a successful relationship would be optimized. We met in June 2004 and were engaged 7 months later...all because we had each already gotten our lives and hearts to a place of peace and contentment.

How about you? Has this proven true in your life...or in the life of some couples you know who are happy together? I'd love to hear your input!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Want to stop playing the Blame Game?

Recently, I read an article that said the main reason relationships go south is that our hard wiring makes us instinctively want to offload our anxiety and stress onto we wind up pointing the finger of blame at those with whom we're in close relationships because they're easy targets.

If you've ever lashed out unfairly at your spouse, significant other, or the person you're currently dating, you know all about this. The article says scapegoating like this is an ancient defense mechanism in the brain that's unconscious yet powerful. In caveman days, it was a useful survival instinct that unloaded our distracting, annoying anxiety so our fight-or-flight response would be sharper and better able to keep us alert and safe. Nowadays, though, blaming others when we're stressed out only leads to conflict.

The weird thing is: When we're stressed out and blame or criticize other people for what's out of control in our lives, we tend to believe they're somehow at fault. But, in fact, this is just our anxiety talking. Unfortunately, the other person will likely feel unjustly accused and get angry, leading to a fight or even a breakup...a breakup that could have been avoided. If the blamer understood this instinctive tendency to blame others in times of stress, he or she could have managed the anxiety somehow without taking it out on the other person...and thus preserved a great relationship.

I've caught myself playing this Blame Game with my unsuspecting, innocent-of-any-wrongdoing husband who definitely doesn't deserve to be picked on. I'm hoping this awareness of my cavewoman instinct to offload my stress on him will help me stop attacking him in the future. How about you? Think this info will come in handy in your relationships? Drop me a line to share your thoughts! :-)