Sometimes, clients tell me about their "dream" date. They have a very specific type of partner in mind, which is good to have--the more specific the better (since I always recommend getting super-clear on the qualities that are most compatible with you before going out there to look).
But some people take it too far.
They fixate on certain appearance traits or maybe even a celebrity they're enamored with--and then try to find someone who's exactly like that. Which, of course, is unrealistic and inevitably sets them up for disappointment when they can't bring their "fantasy" to life.
In fact, fantasies can definitely get in the way of success in the real world. Especially with regard to dating.
There are 3 reasons why:
1) People set the bar way too high by comparing everyone they meet to their fantasy woman or man. And, of course, no mere mortal will ever measure up.
2) They might spend so much time daydreaming about their fantasy that they don't make time to go out in the dating world or online to start meeting real people.
3) They could get so caught up in the fantasy that they're thinking only about that fantasy person and, as a result, aren't actually emotionally available for a real-world relationship.
This is very unfortunate, but it's also fixable. The solution? The person just has to let the fantasy go and get real. Easier said than done for some people. In extreme cases, they might actually reach out to their fantasy lover and then get rejected--which naturally damages both their self-esteem and their dating confidence.
And, since confidence is 70% of the success formula for dating, this makes in almost impossible for them to be successful going forward. How can they present themselves well to potential dates in situations such as singles groups, online dating profiles, and other places in the real world when they feel like a loser in the fantasy world of their mind?
Short answer: they can't.
The moral of this story is that singles need to make sure they're being realistic about the type of partner they think they can attract. Otherwise, they're setting themselves up for rejection and, in turn, sabotaging themselves by damaging the all-important confidence needed for dating success.
How about you? Are you holding onto a fantasy that might be hindering you from moving forward in your dating search? If so, let me know. I'd be happy to support you in releasing it so you can succeed with dating. (267-245-3023 or gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com)
Monday, September 23, 2019
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
