Tuesday, September 25, 2018

What Do Single Men Over 60 Want in a Woman?

I just read a piece by another dating coach who was asked what single men over 60 want in a dating partner. Here is her answer: "Single men in their 60s are looking for a woman who is feminine and is willing to help them feel like a man. Many women spent most of their lives competing with men--at work, in social situations, and even at home. Now, as women reach their 60s, it’s difficult to stop competing and just relax a bit."
She goes on to say "Single men over 60 want women who are in touch with their feminine side. They want encouragement, not criticism. They need confirmation, not competition."
I am about to turn 65, have been in a serious relationship with a man who is 64 for almost 4 years, and can definitely relate to the fact that women over 60 have a tendency to be competitive with men. I blame it on menopause (and the decrease in female hormones/increase in male hormones that accompanies it). In fact, I have evidence of it in my own life--and my relationship with my partner.
We've been living together almost 2 years and, in general, get along great. We don't argue or fight. But recently, there have been more instances where I've gotten a little "irritable" (due to the aforementioned hormones) and take it out on him--with an unkind or judgmental comment that I now realize stems from my feeling competitive with him for some inexplicable reason. I never felt like that with him before, so this is weird. As an oldest child, I've always been a bit bossy, but my recent behavior is out of the ordinary--and very embarrassing. What's gotten into me? Why am I acting like this?
And, more to the other coach's point about over-60 men preferring women who are feminine and encouraging rather than competitive: Why is the non-feminine/ aggressive/competitive side of me rearing its ugly head lately and how does that affect the way my partner sees me/feels about me and how he feels himself? Does he see me as less feminine--and does this cause him to feel less masculine? I sure hope not--because that could change the dynamics of the way we interact and the nice connection we've had.
At this point in our relationship, we have built the love, compassion, and understanding needed to fully accept each other just the way we are--which is wonderful! And we've talked about how his ignoring my critical menopause-related comments (and my trying to bite my tongue when I feel irritation coming over me) are the best strategies to help us navigate this strange transition I'm going through.
But what about single men and women in their 60s still currently in the dating world who are just getting to know each other while also trying to deal with this transition and the irrational behaviors that come with it? Will the woman's "change-of-life" competitiveness hamper the new couple's ability to develop the ying-and-yang, male/female connection that is so special--and so desired by both people? Will men have the patience and empathy needed to give their dating partners the benefit of the doubt they need? And will women be able to reconnect with their feminine side enough that men will feel attracted to them?
I don't have all the answers, but I hope my story motivates you to research this topic a bit more yourself--and to look at your own behaviors and attitudes about it in order to cultivate empathy for the opposite sex, no matter what your dating partners are going through in their 60s. 
As Betty Davis said, "Getting old is not for sissies." And dating when you're older is certainly not easy. But I'm here for you if you need support. At this age, I've pretty much experienced it all, and I'd be happy to help you through--so you can have the success with dating that you deserve! 
I'm available at 267-245-3023 or gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com.