Dating Help While "Social Distancing"

A client recently told me how frustrating it is trying to meet new people for dating in the midst of a pandemic. Everything is put on hold. You can't go out to events or gatherings--many of which have been cancelled or postponed. And you're certainly not going to do a face-to-face meeting in a coffee shop with someone you connected with online. Yes, it really IS very frustrating!

So, what can you do while waiting for this period of "social distancing" to end? Well, here are a few suggestions of how to use this time alone in ways that will enhance your dating life when the world gets back to normal:

1) Get to know yourself and love yourself better. As I've written many times before, loving yourself well is the best way to BE the person others will love too. Pamper yourself. Be kind to yourself. Continue working on being the best version of yourself you can be by healing any leftover wounds from the past. A book that will help with this is Relax, You're Already Perfect by Bruce D. Schneider.

2) Declutter your home now that you have the time to do it. Not only will this make you feel happier and freer, with a great sense of accomplishment, but it will cross off your list one of the things I tell clients to do when preparing for dating: "get all your ducks in a row". Make sure all aspects of your life are in good shape, so you can put more attention on your dating search. Clear out the old to make way for the new! 

3) Decide how you want to "make your own fun"--since there's nothing more attractive than a fun person who enjoys her own company and exudes upbeat vibes. You could play games online, read books or magazines, watch favorite TV shows or movies, cook or bake a new recipe, call old friends, plant some flowers, enjoy more quality time with family members, or spend time doing whatever you love out in nature. When you're comfortable being alone, you're not desperate to be with a partner, and we all know that desperation is VERY unattractive in the dating world.

 

4) Join an online dating site and practice writing sincere, complimentary emails to the people who intrigue you. When they respond, set up a phone call as soon as you can and enjoy a leisurely getting-to-know-you conversation. Then, if you feel a connection, talk about where you'd like to meet and pick a day and time for your meeting, so you'll have something to look forward to after the virus restrictions are lifted.

If you need other ideas or moral support during this challenging time, get in touch. I'd be happy to help you! (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or 267-245-3023)

 

Are You Confident Enough to See Yourself as "Dateable"?

Before the first session with new dating coaching clients, I send out a short form that asks them "What are your best qualities?" and "What makes you fun on a date?" This is a first step in assessing the level of confidence they feel--whether they honestly see themselves as "dateable"--as someone others would want to spend time with.

I do this because CONFIDENCE IS THE #1 FACTOR FOR SUCCESSFUL DATING. And singles who aren't strong in this area need to boost their confidence before even starting to think about searching for dates. Here are 3 ways I help them do that:

Confidence Booster 1--I urge clients to list the things they like or have been complimented on regarding their looks, personality, talents, accomplishments and passions. This helps them start off on a positive note--seeing themselves as "a great catch." Go ahead and try it--either on your own or with someone who knows you really well. You may be surprised at what a great list you come up with! 

Those who can easily make this list are likely to do pretty well attracting quality people for dating. But those who have trouble with it are less likely to succeed. I work with those folks to create the list together, writing everything down, and I ask them to focus on the list every day to remind themselves of what's unique and lovable about them.

Confidence Booster 2--I also encourage clients to get more comfortable talking to new people wherever they go, so that'll be easier in the dating world too (at both singles events and first in-person meetings after connecting online).

I suggest they try to reach out to new folks in their daily life with eye contact, a warm smile and a sincere compliment--whether it's the cashier at the grocery, the clerk at the post office, the receptionist at the dentist...whoever. The more practice they get with interrelating with random people, the less intimidated they'll feel initiating conversations with other singles.

Confidence Booster 3--Lastly, I suggest that clients take good care of themselves physically and emotionally by exercising and eating well, prioritizing their own needs, using only kind self-talk, and wearing clothes they feel good in. That way, they can walk confidently into any room or situation with an authentic smile and their head held high.

How can anyone resist that kind of confidence?!     

If your confidence needs some fine-tuning before you take the first step into dating, let me know. I'd be happy to support you with all these confidence-boosting activities. :-)
(gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or 267-245-3023)