My Baby Boomer clients are always asking me for ideas of new ways to meet dating-minded singles. And I often steer them to a great book that tells the "how we met" stories of 29 couples who began dating and fell in love later in life--"Autumn Romance: Stories and Portraits of Love After 50" by Carol Denker.
This wonderful book is a heartwarming look at the myriad ways older singles meet and connect, and I highly recommend it if you've gotten discouraged about the chances of finding love again. It will truly inspire you and give you hope! (You can order it here: https://www.amazon.com/Autumn-Romance-Stories-Portraits-after/dp/0615314414.)
Here are just a few of the ways the happy couples in the book crossed paths:
- at a metaphysical lecture
- in a choir
- on a plane
- in an Italian class
- at the YMCA pool
- at a senior center activity
- at a speed dating meet and greet evening
- in a line dancing class
- at a support group
- at a wine tasting
- at a singles walking group
In general, these folks were just out and about pursuing their hobbies and trying new activities. And they connected with someone else who enjoyed the same thing. It's a no brainer for 2 reasons:
1) When you're enjoying yourself and having fun, you're upbeat and happy and thus more of a natural attractor.
2) Your chances of meeting like-minded people increase when you go out to activities and events that reflect your passions.
Have you done that lately? If not, why? The reasons I hear from my clients are:
- I have nobody to go with and don't want to go alone to an event.
- I'm shy about talking to people I've never met before.
- I'm so busy with work and other commitments that I don't have time for fun outings.
Of course, these are more "excuses" than they are reasons:
- Going alone to an event is easy if you're going to something like a lecture, class, support group, wine tasting, or choir practice because you can chat about the activity you're participating in.
- Shyness isn't an issue when it's an activity where there's a teacher, moderator, or leader who asks everyone to introduce themselves.
- Saying you're too busy for outings means you're not prioritizing fun/socializing, which is the only way to meet other people who share your interests.
So...are you ready to try some new ways of meeting people? For starters, check local newspapers or websites that list upcoming events and activities like the ones I listed above. Also: BE SURE to check www.meetup.com. And then call me for some ideas custom-tailored for you, your hobbies, and your region. I'm happy to assist!
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
Getting Started With Dating After Losing Your Spouse
When widowed men and women call me to pick my brain about dating, many of them tell me it's taken them a lot of time to be ready to make the phone call...and are often not sure they're actually ready to date.
That's understandable.
In many cases, they are people in their 60s or 70s who had marriages that lasted over 40 years. They spent most of their lives being married--often very happily to someone they considered to be their best friend and soul mate--and it's hard for them to imagine being with anyone else.
Also understandable.
But a son or daughter or a good friend or sibling urged them to think about moving forward in life and told them their deceased spouse would want them to be happy again. Or they reach a point where they're tired of not having a partner...and want to explore a bit to see how the dating world has changed since they last dated. So they call me to figure out what steps to take to get started.
They initially ask me:
- Should they try online dating?
- Are there groups or activities where they could meet nice people for dating?
- Is there any chance of meeting someone even half as wonderful and compatible as their spouse was?
The answer to all 3 questions is YES. Let me address each one:
Yes, they should try online dating because that's a good place to find people their age. The over-50 demographic has been the fastest-growing group joining dating sites for several years now. And, for women especially, that's where the men are. Men prefer using their computers instead of going to singles groups or other activities. That's been true for a very long time. They can use the key word "widowed" on any of the large sites to locate other widowed people (who, in my opinion, would be their best match). And there's even a dating site specifically for those who've lost a spouse: https://widowsorwidowers.com/
Yes, there are many groups and activities where they could meet nice people for dating. I can recommend some in their local area, and I also urge them to try Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com) to search for groups of folks who share their hobbies and interests. I also recommend that they stay in touch with people from any bereavement/support groups they attended or join any social groups that grow out of the bereavement group since they'll feel most comfortable with other widowed people. I know several widowers who dated women they'd met in such groups.
Yes, there is definitely a chance of meeting someone as wonderful as their spouse was. I know a couple, each of whom was around age 45 with 3 teenage children when they lost their spouse. They met at a book discussion group and hit it off right away. They were married 2 years later. They are very compatible and very much in love. And these happy-ending stories are more common than you might think.
If you or someone you know lost a spouse, grieved the loss and is relatively healed, and now feels ready to start over, let me know. It warms my heart to help widows and widowers have hope again...and possibly even to find love again!
That's understandable.
In many cases, they are people in their 60s or 70s who had marriages that lasted over 40 years. They spent most of their lives being married--often very happily to someone they considered to be their best friend and soul mate--and it's hard for them to imagine being with anyone else.
Also understandable.
But a son or daughter or a good friend or sibling urged them to think about moving forward in life and told them their deceased spouse would want them to be happy again. Or they reach a point where they're tired of not having a partner...and want to explore a bit to see how the dating world has changed since they last dated. So they call me to figure out what steps to take to get started.
They initially ask me:
- Should they try online dating?
- Are there groups or activities where they could meet nice people for dating?
- Is there any chance of meeting someone even half as wonderful and compatible as their spouse was?
The answer to all 3 questions is YES. Let me address each one:
Yes, they should try online dating because that's a good place to find people their age. The over-50 demographic has been the fastest-growing group joining dating sites for several years now. And, for women especially, that's where the men are. Men prefer using their computers instead of going to singles groups or other activities. That's been true for a very long time. They can use the key word "widowed" on any of the large sites to locate other widowed people (who, in my opinion, would be their best match). And there's even a dating site specifically for those who've lost a spouse: https://widowsorwidowers.com/
Yes, there are many groups and activities where they could meet nice people for dating. I can recommend some in their local area, and I also urge them to try Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com) to search for groups of folks who share their hobbies and interests. I also recommend that they stay in touch with people from any bereavement/support groups they attended or join any social groups that grow out of the bereavement group since they'll feel most comfortable with other widowed people. I know several widowers who dated women they'd met in such groups.
Yes, there is definitely a chance of meeting someone as wonderful as their spouse was. I know a couple, each of whom was around age 45 with 3 teenage children when they lost their spouse. They met at a book discussion group and hit it off right away. They were married 2 years later. They are very compatible and very much in love. And these happy-ending stories are more common than you might think.
If you or someone you know lost a spouse, grieved the loss and is relatively healed, and now feels ready to start over, let me know. It warms my heart to help widows and widowers have hope again...and possibly even to find love again!
Friday, August 11, 2017
Finding a College-Educated Partner Online
Many of my clients are well-educated people interested in dating someone intelligent with a similar education level. And I know they can find someone like that by doing an advanced search on most of the larger dating sites, such as Match.com, Matchmaker.com, or Plenty of Fish. But they can also try a site that specializes in those types of matches--Elite Singles.
Since 2008, Elite Singles (www.elitesingles.com) has been helping educated singles find lasting relationships. In fact, it claims that 2,500 people find love by using its site each month--or one every 8 minutes! 82% of its members are college educated, and over 2/3 have at least a Bachelor's degree. Many are "relatively affluent" as well.
And the site has other things to recommend it:
- It attracts over 165,000 new members each month
- It safeguards members against fraud by personally screening every profile with "manual profile verification"
- It periodically removes the profiles of nonactive users so you don't waste your time emailing people who are no longer seeking dates
- Over 90% of its members are age 30-55 and looking for a serious relationship
- It uses a 200-question psychologist-tested personality test to send you 3-7 close matches each day (based on 5 factors: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism)
- It also lets you search for matches yourself
- Its fraud detection features work to cut down on scamming
I was out of the dating world when Elite Singles launched and so don't have personal experience with it, but I am beginning to recommend it to my clients. Any site that takes fraud detection seriously is worth a try in my opinion...especially for older daters (the majority of my clients). Since many singles over 55 aren't as computer savvy as the rest of the population, they are easy targets for scammers.
I also direct clients to this website, which lists statistics about educational levels of users on dozens of online dating sites: http://www.giveyourhandabreak.com/education/
Here are some of the sites with the largest percentages of college-educated members:
1. TallFriends.com - 60%
2. RepublicanPeopleMeet.com - 54%
4. SoulGeek.com - 51%
4. MillionaireMatch.com - 48%
5. Match.com - 47%
6. JDate.com - 46%
Here's hoping you find your intellectual match! If you need moral support or guidance for reaching out and writing emails etc., let me know. I'm always happy to help.
P.S. I have no education level stats on this site for more liberal people (http://liberalhearts.com/), but, in the interest of fairness, I offer it to balance out the mention of RepublicanPeopleMeet.com above. 😉
Since 2008, Elite Singles (www.elitesingles.com) has been helping educated singles find lasting relationships. In fact, it claims that 2,500 people find love by using its site each month--or one every 8 minutes! 82% of its members are college educated, and over 2/3 have at least a Bachelor's degree. Many are "relatively affluent" as well.
And the site has other things to recommend it:
- It attracts over 165,000 new members each month
- It safeguards members against fraud by personally screening every profile with "manual profile verification"
- It periodically removes the profiles of nonactive users so you don't waste your time emailing people who are no longer seeking dates
- Over 90% of its members are age 30-55 and looking for a serious relationship
- It uses a 200-question psychologist-tested personality test to send you 3-7 close matches each day (based on 5 factors: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism)
- It also lets you search for matches yourself
- Its fraud detection features work to cut down on scamming
I was out of the dating world when Elite Singles launched and so don't have personal experience with it, but I am beginning to recommend it to my clients. Any site that takes fraud detection seriously is worth a try in my opinion...especially for older daters (the majority of my clients). Since many singles over 55 aren't as computer savvy as the rest of the population, they are easy targets for scammers.
I also direct clients to this website, which lists statistics about educational levels of users on dozens of online dating sites: http://www.giveyourhandabreak.com/education/
Here are some of the sites with the largest percentages of college-educated members:
1. TallFriends.com - 60%
2. RepublicanPeopleMeet.com - 54%
4. SoulGeek.com - 51%
4. MillionaireMatch.com - 48%
5. Match.com - 47%
6. JDate.com - 46%
Here's hoping you find your intellectual match! If you need moral support or guidance for reaching out and writing emails etc., let me know. I'm always happy to help.
P.S. I have no education level stats on this site for more liberal people (http://liberalhearts.com/), but, in the interest of fairness, I offer it to balance out the mention of RepublicanPeopleMeet.com above. 😉
Monday, August 7, 2017
The Best Online Dating Sites
Clients always ask which online dating sites I recommend. The answer is: it depends on who you are and what type of person you're looking for.
If you're over 50, I can recommend sites specializing in that age group. If you're Christian or Jewish, I can steer you to the best sites for meeting other Christian or Jewish people. If you're seeking a spiritual partner, someone who loves pets, an environmentally minded person, or someone like you who is into art or an active lifestyle, there are sites specifically for singles in those categories too. There are even sites for disabled singles and those who are deaf.
My job is to direct you to the site where you're more likely to find a close match. And I have a list of over 50 sites I can share with you if you call or drop me an email (267-245-3023; gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com).
Today, I'd just like to tell you about the sites that are the busiest--that is, they get the highest numbers of monthly visitors. So you're more likely to see new faces all the time and have new possibilities to write to on a regular basis.
As of February, 2017, the statistics were:
1. Match.com -- 3.2 million visitors per month
2. eHarmony -- 1.2 million visitors per month
3. Zoosk -- 1.1 million visitors per month
4. Our Time -- 879,376 visitors per month
5. Elite Singles -- 53, 984 visitors per month
Other interesting facts about Match.com:
- The site says "travel" is by far the most common term its members use in their profiles, and "down to earth" is also used frequently. Match.com's biggest group of users is age 25-44, but there are also millions of older singles on the site as well.
And don't forget Plenty of Fish, which was acquired by the Match Group in 2015. It has 100 million users worldwide, 3.5 million active daily users, and 50,000 new signups every day. It says it creates 1 million new relationships every year. I always recommend POF because it's easy to use, free, and that's where I met my partner.
If you'd like a short consultation about which online dating sites are best for you, let's talk! I'm always happy to help!
If you're over 50, I can recommend sites specializing in that age group. If you're Christian or Jewish, I can steer you to the best sites for meeting other Christian or Jewish people. If you're seeking a spiritual partner, someone who loves pets, an environmentally minded person, or someone like you who is into art or an active lifestyle, there are sites specifically for singles in those categories too. There are even sites for disabled singles and those who are deaf.
My job is to direct you to the site where you're more likely to find a close match. And I have a list of over 50 sites I can share with you if you call or drop me an email (267-245-3023; gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com).
Today, I'd just like to tell you about the sites that are the busiest--that is, they get the highest numbers of monthly visitors. So you're more likely to see new faces all the time and have new possibilities to write to on a regular basis.
As of February, 2017, the statistics were:
1. Match.com -- 3.2 million visitors per month
2. eHarmony -- 1.2 million visitors per month
3. Zoosk -- 1.1 million visitors per month
4. Our Time -- 879,376 visitors per month
5. Elite Singles -- 53, 984 visitors per month
Other interesting facts about Match.com:
- The site says "travel" is by far the most common term its members use in their profiles, and "down to earth" is also used frequently. Match.com's biggest group of users is age 25-44, but there are also millions of older singles on the site as well.
And don't forget Plenty of Fish, which was acquired by the Match Group in 2015. It has 100 million users worldwide, 3.5 million active daily users, and 50,000 new signups every day. It says it creates 1 million new relationships every year. I always recommend POF because it's easy to use, free, and that's where I met my partner.
If you'd like a short consultation about which online dating sites are best for you, let's talk! I'm always happy to help!
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