Wednesday, February 7, 2018

BE YOUR OWN VALENTINE!

If you're single and dreading Valentine's Day, you're not alone. You just want the day celebrating couples and romantic love to be over. 

I get it. I experienced many Valentine's Days without a lover in my life over the years--before marriage, while single after my divorces, and even while in a serious relationship. 

In those cases, yes, my partner was physically in the picture on February 14, but he wasn't "present" with me emotionally or psychologically because of a rough patch in our relationship and/or an erosion of the romantic connection we used to have.

That's the saddest situation of all...sadder than having no partner at all because you don't feel especially romantic about the "special someone" in your life.  As a result, there were times when the day for romance slipped by without much of a celebration.

Other times, my partner and I weren't on the same page about the holiday's importance. Not everyone is the "romantic fool" that I am. Not everyone sees Valentine's Day as special. It took me a while to adjust to that fact. But, once I did, I learned a valuable life lesson: how to be my own Valentine.

Even if my partner and I weren't feeling especially amorous, I learned I could celebrate love anyways. I could focus and take action on loving and cherishing myself...and create a day that made me feel loved.

I learned how to surround myself with people or pets who loved me. I did extra-special things for myself like scheduling a massage or taking the day off work and spending it in nature.

I also learned to have no expectations about Valentine's Day. If my partner didn't mention marking the occasion, I suggested going out to do something I knew I would love. Or, if my partner preferred staying home, I'd request a "Mutual Massage Night" or ask him to bring home my favorite sinful dessert.

Since my top 2 "love languages" (see my earlier blog on that topic from October 14, 2015) are Terms of Endearment and Affectionate Touch, I'd make sure my partner knew how much I appreciate a heartfelt card and time to cuddle. And then I'd have the lovely Valentine's evening I desired.

One of the most self-loving things you can do is express your desires to your partner. So Valentine's Day gave me an opportunity to practice that skill--and experience the pleasure of receiving what I asked for. Those without a partner can practice self-love by planning a fun activity with a dearly loved friend or relative.

How about you? How do you plan to celebrate love and to please yourself this Valentine's Day? Drop me a note to share your thoughts! gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!