Monday, February 19, 2018

What Is "Inappropriate" in an Online Dating Email?

Recently, an attendee at a presentation I gave about success tips for online dating after 50 told a story of the many inappropriate and sexually suggestive emails she received from men first contacting her on an online dating site. She asked if I thought the reason these men offered to "give her a massage" or "bring a bottle of wine" over to her house was because she was 5 feet tall and petite.

I said that was probably part of it, since many men are attracted to small women. But, unfortunately, that's only part of the reason. In truth, some men just don't realize how they come across to women reading their emails.

They don't understand that such suggestions to someone they've never met are inappropriate. They don't realize that they're perceived by the woman not as romantic or sensual but as "creepy" and, ultimately, very unattractive.

In other words, what some men think will impress women definitely doesn't. I don't know one woman who would take a complete stranger up on such a suggestion. Not one.

Sure, after a woman has been dating a man for a few months and has grown to like him, she might be open to having him over for dinner and letting him bring the wine. And, yes, after a woman has shown she's interested in physical intimacy with a guy, she'd be OK with accepting a massage. But doing either of those things before she feels connected to and able to trust the man is highly unlikely.

A man who tells a new woman of his skills as a masseuse is saying, in effect, he can't wait to undress her. And a man who wants to bring a bottle of wine to her home before he's been invited there is perceived by the woman as someone who wants to get her drunk so she lets down her guard with him.

In either case, the "ew" factor is very big, and his chances of success are very small. But this lady at my presentation told me that dozens of men kept using such an approach. And that made her want to get off the dating site as fast as she could.

The moral of the story: men who are too sexual--even just verbally--too soon are a turnoff to most women (except those just looking for a "hookup", which is NOT most women). Singles seeking that should use the dating sites especially designed for casual daters seeking sexual partners--NOT the mainstream sites designed for people seeking long-term relationships.

My advice to any woman who receives such emails is simple: DELETE. Don't reply to these men. Delete their emails and move on. Write your own emails to the men YOU like. And leave the stalkers behind.

How about you? Have you had experiences similar to this? If so, drop me a line. I'd love to hear your story and help in any way I can.


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