Recently, a prospective client called me about divorce support coaching...but told me she couldn't stop thinking about her ex-husband of 32 years, even though he'd been abusive for most of their marriage. I recommended she get grief counseling to cope with that loss. I knew she wouldn't be ready for me to help her plan her new single life unless she'd completely let go of her old married life.
The same is true when you're thinking about dating again after divorce or widowhood: it's best to heal your past before you start planning your future. You must do your best to have a "clean slate" emotionally and psychologically so you can potentially open your heart to someone new. It's common sense and it's essential.
You need to get through the various stages of grieving any loss if you want to be ready to make a fresh start. A grief counselor is trained to help you do that.
As a dating coach, I help people prepare for and implement the dating process. In order to be successful searching for and building a relationship with a new partner, I encourage daters to do everything possible to be in a positive, healthy place in all aspects of their lives before we begin working together. Sometimes, that might mean getting support from a grief counselor.
In addition to someone who still has an emotional attachment to an ex-partner, here are a few other examples of people who aren't yet ready for dating coaching:
o Someone who is still angry or desperately sad about his or her last relationship
o Someone who has negative feelings about the dating world in general or the opposite sex in particular, such as "Dating is too hard and takes too much time" or "There are no good men left" or "I never meet anyone who's looking for a serious relationship" or "All the women out there are mentally unstable" (Yes, I've heard this from male clients)
o Someone who has a poor self-image and doesn't believe he/she is attractive and/or worthy of love
o Someone who is struggling with a mental health challenge such as bipolar disorder, anxiety, or depression; such syndromes need to be well managed before anyone enters the dating realm
If you or someone you know wants to start dating again, I can help determine whether he/she is ready to move forward with that. Or...if you or they need a referral to a grief counselor as a first step, let me know. I'm happy to assist.
gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or 267-245-3023
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