Tuesday, January 27, 2015

"Meandering" on the Path to Success

On her weekly radio show yesterday, one of my coaching gurus (Cheryl Richardson) was offering encouragement to a woman who's been feeling aimless and unsuccessful in her job hunt. Cheryl said something that really struck me: "This is a period of re-evaluation and inquiry for you. It's OK to meander for a while. Your meandering has a purpose. Just embrace its messiness."

I quickly ran to Webster's to get an exact definition of meander: "to wander casually and aimlessly without an urgent destination; to ramble." And what does rambling mean? It's "a leisurely excursion for pleasure." So Cheryl encourages us to let ourselves wander aimlessly while we're exploring new possibilities and to focus instead on pleasure. Hmmmm...very interesting. 

This is exactly what I've been feeling guilty about doing all this week, as my workload has slowed down and we here on the East coast have been snowed in. Right before hearing Cheryl's validation of the idea of meandering, I'd decided to reframe my slowdown in paying work by calling it a "spiritual retreat"--a time of reflection and reassessment, a "sabbatical" to check in with myself and consider what I truly desire...inner questioning that will help me prepare for deciding my next moves both professionally and personally.

And so I meandered through the last 2 days pondering these dilemmas:
1) Professionally: How to busy myself with administrative, research, and marketing tasks as I wait for some new projects coming next week (while keeping at bay any anxiety about the reduced income)
2) Personally: How to put more pleasure into each day as I endeavor to stay positive, present, and patient while waiting to hear from a man I started seeing 2 weeks ago to let me know when we'll have our 5th date

I should tell you right now--I've never been good at waiting!

But, lo and behold, I'm feeling more at ease and at peace about all of the above than I would've thought possible! The reason: I've given myself permission to "embrace the messiness" of it all. Yes, there will be slow periods, times of uncertainty, chunks of time when I have less to do than usual, and uncomfortable phases when I can't predict what's coming next (which are hard for me because I'm such a "doer" and a planner-- someone who likes to be productive and thus struggles a bit with the idea of unstructured time without a "to-do list.") 

Normally, being "aimless" isn't my M.O. But now, at age 61, after 31 years of being self-employed, I'm thinking it's OK to give myself a taste of semi-retirement. And, as a dating coach for 10 years, I'm learning to take my own advice about relaxing and wandering and exploring more in the dating world. Have no expectations or sense of urgency about a certain man. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Just have fun meeting and learning about men, without attachment to the outcome or worries about whether he's "the one". 

I think we could all benefit from giving ourselves permission to meander. All I know is that it feels liberating...and kind of exciting at the same time. I sense that the Universe will have more pleasant surprises for me when I don't try to plan or control everything along the way! :-)



 

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