Monday, February 2, 2015

Biggest Mistake in Online Dating

Not being ready for in-person dating!

Though I've written plenty of articles about common online dating mistakes, I can now narrow that long list down to the one mistake I notice more often than any other: People put themselves on an online dating site before they're actually ready to date.

They think they're ready, but as soon as someone writes to them or asks them to chat on the phone or meet for coffee, they either hesitate and disappear or take Step 1 but can't move to Step 2. Here are 3 examples:

1) I had a great first meeting (3 hours of nonstop, lively conversation) and then 3 very nice dates with a guy who really seemed to like me. Then, when he asked me for date 4 on a Friday night and I had other plans, he told me Saturday and Sunday, though good for me, weren't possible for him but didn't suggest another time. In fact, when he called about it, we barely talked for 2 minutes before he had to run, saying that, even though "he really enjoyed hanging out with me," his life was super-busy with some "personal issues."

2) I had a nice phone call from another online guy who sounded anxious to meet me and asked me to breakfast the next morning. The conversation was going well until, 3/4 of the way through the meal, he told me he'd broken off a 14-year relationship 6 months earlier but was still missing his ex-girlfriend.

3) I had another good phone conversation with a man who followed up with an email telling me how much he enjoyed chatting and how attractive I was in my photo and then asking me if I could get together for a movie and drinks the following weekend (5 days later). When I said I'd prefer something other than a film so we could talk and get to know each other, he didn't write back. 

Confusing--to say the least. Why did men who seemed so interested at the outset suddenly  back off? Because, I believe, in all 3 cases, they realized, after looking at the reality of actually dating someone, that they weren't ready:

In case #1, he had too much to juggle in his life to make time for dating.
In case #2, he hadn't gotten over his ex-girlfriend before entering the dating world.
In case #3, something about talking to a woman instead of just seeing a film with her made him change his mind. I really don't understand that one at all. 

It just seems evident in all 3 cases that they just weren't ready to pick up the ball and go forward into actual dating.

The moral of the story: Before posting an online profile, make sure you've got your "ducks in a row" and have healed from your past...so you're ready, willing, and able to spend time with people in the real world, not just the cyber-world. Otherwise, not only are you wasting your time writing a profile and send/replying to emails, but you're misleading well-meaning, sincere people who really ARE ready for dating. 

Sound familiar? What do you all think? Would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!


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