Facebook Can Hinder Healing From a Breakup

I bet you know someone who reconnected with an "old flame" via Facebook and went on to start dating. This can happen when both people are single and available.

You might also know someone who wasn't single but who still reconnected with an old flame on Facebook and started an emotional affair that led to problems in his or her marriage, or even divorce.

However, you may not know someone like my 60-something female client who reconnected with an old flame via Facebook, had a wonderful 2-year relationship, got rejected by him when he started seeing a much younger woman, and then couldn't recover from the breakup because she was unable to stop herself from checking his status on Facebook. 

Seeing photos of him with the new girlfriend caused extra pain just when my client was beginning to get over him. Yet, it was impossible for her to put distance between herself and him by staying off Facebook while she was grieving the loss. She inadvertently kept reopening the wound and thus sabotaging her much-needed healing process.

Why? Is Facebook THAT addictive? Is "snooping" on old "friends" too hard to resist? Why couldn't this client just "unfriend" the person so she could disengage from him and get on with her life?

I understand. Curiosity can get the best of you. It's hard to resist checking Facebook to find out what people are up to. I remember giving into the urge to check the page of someone I broke up with years ago too, even though I initiated the breakup. I was curious. But a few days later, realizing that doing that only reminded me of him and hindered me from healing and moving forward, I unfriended him and never looked back.

I advised my client to promise herself she would take a long break from Facebook, ask a good friend to hold her accountable for that promise, and also give me a progress report on how she was doing with it. I also recommended a grief counselor to help her recover from the loss and make a healthy fresh start in life.

How about you? Has Facebook been a help or a hindrance to you in the dating world? I'd love to hear your story and/or moral support you if you're finding it a hindrance.