Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Must-Do's for Dating After Divorce or Widowhood

Recently, another consultant asked me to name my 3 Best Practices for dating after divorce or widowhood. Good question!

It's hard to narrow it down to just 3, so I share 4 tips below. My many years of post-divorce dating experience coupled with the coaching I've done for divorced and widowed people over the last 16 years has clearly shown me that these are the Must-Do's for success with dating in later life:

1) BE who you want to attract. This means doing the emotional and psychological healing that's necessary after the loss of your spouse or marriage. Take the time you need to feel happy and whole again. Do the personal growth needed to foster in yourself the qualities you're seeking in a partner. 

The Law of Attraction says "like attracts like", so it's vitally important not to skip this step. Unfortunately, many of the people who come to me for dating counseling haven't done this yet. And then they wonder why they're attracting "the walking wounded." Call or email me for assistance with this step if you're struggling. I'll start by recommending you read and do all the exercises in the book Calling in "The One": 7 weeks to attract the love of your life by Katherine Woodward Thomas. It helped me attract my true love at age 61. (Ask me about that story--I really enjoy sharing it!)

2) Be proactive in your search for dating prospects. Use every means at your disposal to cross paths with like-minded singles your age--from singles hobby groups on and online dating. Do all 3 things as much as possible. 
- Get out to try new activities or groups at least twice a month. 
- Promise yourself you'll try a new hobby group or rekindle an old hobby as a way to meet new people. 
- Switch online dating sites often if you're not finding enough people to email on one site. 

Don't stop looking! You can take a breather if needed but get back out there as soon as you can! Your true love is unlikely to show up at your door while you're sitting at home or procrastinating about joining an online dating site.

3) Stay positive, persistent, and patient as you search. This means believing there's someone out there just for you; sticking with your search and not giving up no matter what disappointments you experience along the way; and taking the time you need to navigate the dating "journey" without rushing or being impulsive.

4) Don't settle! As we age beyond 50 or 60 or 70, many of us singles may be inclined to think that time is running out for finding the right person. Sometimes, we compromise our values too much or give people too much benefit of the doubt because we're afraid we're getting too old to attract new we have to settle for whatever we can find. Not true! Only by holding out for what you really want will you find the match you desire and deserve. Call me if you're tempted to settle for second best. I'll help you create new strategies for finding THE best partner for you!

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