4 SECRETS FOR GETTING MORE REPLIES FROM ONLINE DATING PROSPECTS

Sick and tired of taking so much time to search for and email prospects on one online dating site after another...only to have it result in few if any replies? I get it. I've been there. And I hear this complaint a lot from my dating coaching clients.

But it doesn't have to be this way. 

You can learn smarter ways to write an initial email and then see your reply rate improve a lot! In fact, I got double the number of responses when I used the strategies below.

These 4 tips can help you increase your chances of hearing back from the people you write to:

1) BE PROACTIVE: Write only to people active in the last week (the website usually tells you this) and be sure to write at least 5-10 people a week. Online dating is a numbers game--the more folks you contact, the greater your chances of replies in your mailbox. 

Also: make sure to monitor the website every day so you can write to new people within a day or two of their joining it. That's how I met my life partner 4 years ago. I wrote him the 2nd week he was on the site, before he had an onslaught of e-mail from other people...and he was very receptive to and excited about hearing from me since he was new to online dating. What a nice surprise that it turned out we were a great match for and immediately attracted to each other too! 

2) GET PERSONAL: Send a full personalized email (rather than a 1-click "Wink" or "Smile"). Give a sincere compliment about one specific thing the person wrote in his/her own words. Sound enthusiastic and impressed. In fact, I always used the subject line "I'm impressed!" in every email I sent. 

And don't be afraid to be the initiator. That's the only way I met the various men I dated online; the people who contacted me often weren't my type.

3) START A CONVERSATION: Ask a question about a hobby/interest or a passion you share with the person to get a conversation going. He/she will be much likelier to reply if there's a question to answer about a common interest as you begin a getting-to-know-you dialogue.

4) USE A STRONG CLOSING STATEMENT: Make sure the last line of your email gives the person hope of a connection. I always ended with "I have a bunch of the qualities you're looking for in a woman, and you have most of the traits I'm seeking in a guy. I think we're a good match...what do you think?" I sounded "sold" on him and then asked his opinion, so he'd be more likely to look closely at my profile. That way, he wouldn't make a snap judgment just based on my photo, age, or location--and would read more about me to determine whether he and I were compatible in other more important ways.

If you're having trouble writing the type of email I just described, call me (267-245-3023) or email me (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). I can help you get started and feel more comfortable with the process. Then, you can push "send" on a bunch of emails and enjoy the many positive replies you'll get!

5 WAYS TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE FOR DATING AFTER DIVORCE

Feeling anxious about trying to date again after your divorce? That's perfectly natural. You may be nervous because:

• It's been years since you were single and dating.
• Your self-esteem may have taken a hit during the divorce.
• You've heard scary stuff about people in the dating world.
• You're not confident about your ability to attract love again.

Over the last 14 years, I've helped hundreds of divorced men and women get past these and other insecurities and rebuild their confidence so they feel comfortable re-entering the dating world. 

Here are 5 things I suggest for boosting their confidence before they move forward:

1) Recapture your sense of self - Being single again gives you a chance to reconnect with yourself so you improve your self-respect, self-esteem, and self-love. Strength in these 3 areas is essential if you're going to see yourself as "a good catch" so you can project confidence. To get strong:  

  - Pay more attention to your desires and needs and take steps to fill them.

  - Do things you love to do and surround yourself with people who love you--two surefire ways to be more happy and exude positive vibes.

  - Make a list of your best qualities to remind yourself that you have much to offer a new partner. (This is often hard for my newly divorced clients to do, so if you need help with it, email me at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com.)

2) Do your research beforehand - We all feel more confident about doing something new when we've educated ourselves about it and researched the best ways to do it. Before embarking on a new adventure in the post-divorce dating world, investigate the groups and places where other divorced people go to meet each other. I recommend starting with www.meetup.com. It lists plenty of social groups for single and divorced people...as well as hundreds of hobby groups where you can meet people who share your passions. You can also consult with a dating coach like myself to create a personalized dating game plan.

3) Think in terms of abundance - By maintaining an attitude of "there are lots of fish in the sea," you'll feel more confident and hopeful about meeting someone right for you. This will help you avoid projecting a sense of urgency or desperation--which is very unattractive. Staying focused on the positive makes you naturally more confident and infinitely more attractive to dating prospects.

4) Practice, practice, practice! As with any pursuit, practicing something over and over builds confidence. I highly recommend thinking of first interactions with other single people as "practice dates". Say yes to first meetings with folks your friends might recommend for you. Use online dating to set up a bunch of initial meet-and-greet encounters. Try speed dating to have face-to-face conversations with new people. Practice your "flirting" skills wherever you go. This means giving people sincere compliments as a way to strike up a conversation. All of this helps you feel less nervous when talking to new people in the dating arena too. 

5) Move out of your comfort zone - Think of new challenging experiences to try so you can grow your confidence from the inside out. Take a risk to do something you didn't think you could do and see how it helps you trust yourself and feel more competent and confident. This could be as simple as going to a movie alone, showing up at a new singles group where you don't know anyone, or signing up for an event doing an activity you've been meaning to try but never tried before.

Take action on these 5 suggestions and see if you don't feel more confident about dating! If, afterward, you still want some extra moral support, drop me a line at the email address above. I'd be happy to help you develop the dating confidence you need! 

7 REASONS PEOPLE OVER 60 SHOULD TRY ONLINE DATING

Have you heard more online dating horror stories than you care to remember? Well, forget about those. They are the exception rather than the rule.

Today, I'd like to suggest we focus instead on success stories--like mine and those of the one third of married couples who initially met online (according to Pew research between 2005 an 2012). Yes, you CAN find love online! That's how I met the last 3 men I've had long-term relationships with.

And, as I tell my older clients, you can find love at any age! 

Even though some of my 60+ clients are hesitant to try online dating when they first call me, I share with them a myriad of reasons folks their age should definitely consider it. Here are 7 of them:

1. There are more older singles online than ever before. In fact, between 2013 and 2015 alone, the number of online daters aged 56-64 doubled.

2. Online dating is convenient--and much easier than going out to events. Unfortunately, there aren't that many singles events for people over 60, so searching for matches online is efficient and effective.

3. Older people usually have the time to devote to online dating. Even though online dating is convenient and efficient, it can be time consuming. But, if you're retired or semi-retired, it's not that hard for you to carve out the time for searching, sending and responding to emails, and having phone calls and first meetings with prospective dates.

4. There are more online dating sites for seniors than ever before...and there are always new ones popping up. In addition to long-standing sites like Senior People Meet, Silver Singles, Dating for Seniors, Just Senior Singles, and Senior Friend Finder, there are newer ones too: 50 Plus Club, Age Match, Elite Singles, Senior Match, and SinglesOver60.org.

5. There are free sites just for singles too: Seniors Circle, Senior Passions, Senior Friends Date, Free Senior Dating Agency, and Dating.Aarp.org. 

6. You have access to more people than you would in your daily life. If you're no longer working and not as involved in committees, community activities, and hobbies as you used to be, online dating gives you access to a whole new world of millions of single, divorced, and widowed people you'd never run across otherwise.

7. If you're a woman, it's an easy way to be the initiator. Over-60 women were brought up to believe the man needs to be the pursuer. But, with online dating, it's perfectly acceptable--and very easy--to reach out with the first email to men who look like a good match for you. Even if you're shy, it's a simple way to start a conversation with an interesting guy.

So, what do you think? Isn't online dating worth considering? If you're not having any luck meeting people for dating through the usual channels, I'd highly recommend giving online dating a try. 

If you have any questions about getting started or need moral support to put your toe in the water, email me at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com. I'm here for you!