Friday, March 15, 2019

5 WAYS TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE FOR DATING AFTER DIVORCE

Feeling anxious about trying to date again after your divorce? That's perfectly natural. You may be nervous because:

  • It's been years since you were single and dating.
  • Your self-esteem may have taken a hit during the divorce.
  • You've heard scary stuff about people in the dating world.
  • You're not confident about your ability to attract love again.
Over the last 14 years, I've helped hundreds of divorced men and women get past these and other insecurities and rebuild their confidence so they feel comfortable re-entering the dating world. 

Here are 5 things I suggest for boosting their confidence before they move forward:
1) Recapture your sense of self - Being single again gives you a chance to reconnect with yourself so you improve your self-respect, self-esteem, and self-love. Strength in these 3 areas is essential if you're going to see yourself as "a good catch" so you can project confidence. To get strong:  
  - Pay more attention to your desires and needs and take steps to fill them.
  - Do things you love to do and surround yourself with people who love you--two surefire ways to be more happy and exude positive vibes.
  - Make a list of your best qualities to remind yourself that you have much to offer a new partner. (This is often hard for my newly divorced clients to do, so if you need help with it, email me at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com.)

2) Do your research beforehand - We all feel more confident about doing something new when we've educated ourselves about it and researched the best ways to do it. Before embarking on a new adventure in the post-divorce dating world, investigate the groups and places where other divorced people go to meet each other. I recommend starting with www.meetup.com. It lists plenty of social groups for single and divorced people...as well as hundreds of hobby groups where you can meet people who share your passions. You can also consult with a dating coach like myself to create a personalized dating game plan.

3) Think in terms of abundance - By maintaining an attitude of "there are lots of fish in the sea," you'll feel more confident and hopeful about meeting someone right for you. This will help you avoid projecting a sense of urgency or desperation--which is very unattractive. Staying focused on the positive makes you naturally more confident and infinitely more attractive to dating prospects.

4) Practice, practice, practice! As with any pursuit, practicing something over and over builds confidence. I highly recommend thinking of first interactions with other single people as "practice dates". Say yes to first meetings with folks your friends might recommend for you. Use online dating to set up a bunch of initial meet-and-greet encounters. Try speed dating to have face-to-face conversations with new people. Practice your "flirting" skills wherever you go. This means giving people sincere compliments as a way to strike up a conversation. All of this helps you feel less nervous when talking to new people in the dating arena too. 

5) Move out of your comfort zone - Think of new challenging experiences to try so you can grow your confidence from the inside out. Take a risk to do something you didn't think you could do and see how it helps you trust yourself and feel more competent and confident. This could be as simple as going to a movie alone, showing up at a new singles group where you don't know anyone, or signing up for an event doing an activity you've been meaning to try but never tried before.

Take action on these 5 suggestions and see if you don't feel more confident about dating! If, afterward, you still want some extra moral support, drop me a line at the email address above. I'd be happy to help you develop the dating confidence you need! 

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