Not a flirt? Neither are most of my clients or other folks in the dating world. I certainly wasn't when I was "out there" trying to meet other singles. But I learned what those who have the most success connecting with new people do to get conversations going that can later lead to dates.
Here are some tips:
1. Make eye contact - Everything starts with effective eye contact. You need to hold your gaze longer than you normally would—at least 2 seconds--and then look away. Don't overdo it. There's a fine line between sending the "Hey, I noticed
you…let’s talk" signal and the "I'm a creepy stalker" signal.
2. Smile - You want to convey that you're warmhearted, fun and approachable by smiling NATURALLY - at the friend you're standing with, at the people around you, at the bartender when he hands you your drink, etc. If you radiate friendliness to everyone around you, others get the message that, if they approach you, you'll be friendly and welcoming to them too.
3. Open with something playful - You can't go wrong with a lighthearted, fun comment. For example, at a dog park, you could say: "Your boxer is totally snubbing my pug! She can't help it if she snorts." Or, at a happy hour: "Oh...so you're a martini drinker? I've been warned about girls like you." Just remember: smile, keep it light and be PLAYFUL, not biting or sarcastic.
2. Smile - You want to convey that you're warmhearted, fun and approachable by smiling NATURALLY - at the friend you're standing with, at the people around you, at the bartender when he hands you your drink, etc. If you radiate friendliness to everyone around you, others get the message that, if they approach you, you'll be friendly and welcoming to them too.
3. Open with something playful - You can't go wrong with a lighthearted, fun comment. For example, at a dog park, you could say: "Your boxer is totally snubbing my pug! She can't help it if she snorts." Or, at a happy hour: "Oh...so you're a martini drinker? I've been warned about girls like you." Just remember: smile, keep it light and be PLAYFUL, not biting or sarcastic.
4. Ask questions about him/her - When
you show interest in that person’s life, job, kids, hobbies, etc., he/she is flattered. This creates an instant attraction. He/she feels important and
interesting and associates that feeling with being with you.
5. Laugh - A sense of humor is very
attractive. If you laugh at his/her jokes, his/her
confidence will skyrocket, and
you’ll be more likely to start building the kind of
connection that leads to wanting to spend more time together.
6. Reveal something unique about yourself - Maybe
you have a talent like song-
writing, do awesome
things for your community like building houses for Habitat for
Humanity, or are an aspiring
scuba diver. These things will pique interest, intrigue the
other person, and set you apart from the crowd.
7. Pay attention to body language - Only
7% of communication is verbal; the other 93% is body language, including eye contact and tone of voice. Your actions speak louder than your words. Be aware of your own body language to ensure you send a positive message to new people you're meeting.
If you need some moral support or other tips about talking to new people at singles gatherings or other places, give me a call (267-245-3023) or email me (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). I love helping people feel more comfortable (and, ultimately, be more successful!) in the dating world.
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