Why Are Older Women So Afraid of Dating?

In the 14 years I've been coaching women over 50 about dating, I've encountered dozens (if not hundreds) who initially tell me they're interested in being coached but then don't follow through to actually schedule a session to get started in the dating world. 

I've had some theories about why:
- They thought they were ready but realized they weren't.
- They weren't as interested in finding a partner as they thought they were.
- They were actually too busy to carve out the time even for an initial coaching session, much less the dating search process.
- They realized that having a coaching session might mean they'd actually have to take action on something they weren't really committed to or sure about yet.

But these are really just rationalizations. In my opinion, the main reason these women don't get back in touch with me is FEAR. An unexpected fear or fears come up when it's time to walk their talk and move forward to start dating.

I've done some research on the reasons older women fear entering the dating world after divorce or widowhood and discovered these 20 reasons (many of which are real to them but ultimately unfounded):

1. I have no idea what to expect.
2. It'll be awkward to try to date again at my age.
3. I'll probably have to compromise what I want in a partner just to get a date.
4. I'll have to sacrifice my privacy if I put myself online because everyone (including my coworkers and family) will know what I'm doing.
5. People will think I'm desperate if I use online dating.
6. I'm too insecure/shy to communicate with strangers online.
7. I'm old-fashioned and not comfortable being the initiator with men online.
8. My self-esteem and body image aren't healthy enough for me to believe a man will want to date me at my age.
9. There are no good men left--all the best ones are taken.
10. My schedule is too busy, with no extra time for searching for dates and/or dating.
11. I'm afraid I'll be rejected.
12. I'm afraid many older men want a caregiver rather than a partner.
13. I've heard there are a lot of scammers, liars, and gold-diggers online.
14. I don't have a desire for marriage but fear that most men do.
15. I'm afraid my identity will be fraudulently stolen.
16. I'm pretty sure most men my age prefer much younger, thinner women.
17. I fear getting sexual again after so long.
18. I'm not sure I'm healthy enough or mobile enough to be dating.
19. I'm afraid I'll lose my personal or financial independence if I get involved with a man.
20. Dating will be too much work and too time consuming. 

If you wish you had a romantic partner but have been hesitant to start the dating process, ask yourself why. Do any of the above reasons sound like you? Or is there something else holding you back?

I'm planning to write a book on this topic and would love to include your input (or that of any 50+ women you know who've been hesitating about dating). Please drop me a line at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or call me at 267-245-3023 to share your reasons with me (confidentially, of course; no real names will be used in the book.) Thanks! I look forward to hearing from you.