Saturday, April 23, 2011

LIFE-TRANSFORMING THINGS I LEARNED FROM MEN-Part 9

This is the 9th in a series of posts started on April 15. Feel free to scroll down to read the other 8.

IN MY SECOND MARRIAGE…
My current husband Jim:
After 8+ years of post-divorce dating, I began using a new tool to connect with potential partners—Internet dating sites. I spent about a year online and met dozens of men within an hour of my house before I wrote to a very nice person who lived just 20 minutes away. Jim had two children near my kids’ ages, a shared passion for outdoor activities, a happy and stable life, and a great sense of humor. He was also fit, active, slender, and attractive. By the time we had that first meeting for a walk at the park, I’d stopped having any expectations about each “prospect” potentially being “the one.” I just knew he had most of the qualities I sought in a partner, was funny and interesting in his e-mails to me, and sounded easygoing and nice on the phone. So I approached our meeting with a laid-back, whatever-happens-happens attitude. And, because I had no particular expectations, I didn’t set myself up for disappointment. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised at how comfortable I felt with Jim right from the start and how smoothly things flowed every time we got together. Within 7 months, we were engaged, and we married almost a year to the day we met.

Ironically, the new “It is what it is” approach I took at our very first meeting would be the #1 lesson I’d learn from Jim in our dating life…and that I continue to learn in our married life. He never judged me during the year we dated, even though I was different from him in many ways and must have taken some getting used to. He has never criticized me in the 6+ years I’ve known him, even though I’ve criticized him at times. His philosophy is: “Everybody’s unique. I have no idea how their background affected their opinions, so who am I to judge?” Luckily, that attitude is beginning to rub off on me—something I’m very happy about, because I’ve been struggling to be less judgmental for many years. Living with Jim, I’m learning to be more accepting and tolerant—of others and of myself. And that certainly is a more peaceful, stress-free way to live life.

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