How do I know if I can trust a person I just met?

This is the question I received recently at a dating seminar I was presenting. And it's a very good question. The woman who asked it was referring specifically to online dating prospects...since she'd heard and been frightened by stories about people who lie about themselves online.

Whether you meet a new person through the Internet or in person, the same general rule of thumb about assessing someone's trustworthiness applies: listen to your gut instincts. If something feels suspicious or someone is evasive, be cautious. If your intuition tells you someone is hiding information, ask more questions and gather more facts before believing what he says. Your intuition will never steer you wrong.

In addition: make note of his or her body language. There are several micro-expressions and body movements that tell you someone is being evasive or dishonest. More info is here: http://www.reading-body-language.co.uk/body-language-lying.html.

As we all know, trust in any kind of relationship--personal or professional--takes time to build. People earn your trust little by little by proving true to their word...by doing what they say they're going to do...by being open and honest and willing to talk about anything that comes up during the getting-to-know-you process.

The woman who asked the question about trusting new men was hesitant because she'd been betrayed by a man in the past. She now found it difficult to imagine opening her heart enough to give others the benefit of the doubt--to see them as "innocent until proven guilty." This, of course, can be a huge obstacle in the dating world. When people feel you don't trust them, it is hard to form a connection that might lead to a friendship, romance, and/or love.

Here are some ways to tell if someone is trustworthy early in the dating process:
1. He or she shows up to your first meeting or date on time.
2. He or she calls on the promised day and time.
3. He or she prefers to communicate with you face to face rather than through email, texting, or phone calls. (Body language, of course, is a huge help in reading a person's intentions and sincerity, so anyone afraid of being caught in a lie would rather not spend much time in person with you.)
4. He or she will offer to do things for you and will follow through, so you'll learn that you can count on him or her being reliable.
5. He or she will keep any promises made. Small actions matter toward helping to build a strong foundation of trust.
6. He or she will keep private things you've shared completely confidential.
7. When you share personal information and your history, he or she will be comfortable offering to share similar information. 
8. He or she will offer a sincere, from-the-heart apology if he or she disappoints you or makes a mistake. He or she will take full responsibility for his or her action and reassure you that he or she understands how those actions impacted you.
9. Your friends or relatives who've met your new date will give you positive feedback about him or her. Often, the first blush of a new relationship blinds us to negative things that other objective observers can clearly see. Pay attention to their reactions!
10. He or she will be open to new experiences that you suggest. This builds a bond between you, and trust will follow. 

Armed with this information, it will be easier for you to venture forth into the dating world feeling more comfortable AND sending out more open, positive vibrations that draw nice people to you. Being overly cautious can definitely be a turnoff, but being reckless or gullible is unwise.

I'd love to hear your opinions and/or stories about trust. Drop me a note!