"Healing Partnerships" as Stepping-stones to Healthy Relationships

Ever found yourself in a relationship where one or both of you still needed to heal something from the past? Where you were drawn to someone with a wound similar to yours? I've certainly been there and done that.

At first, you feel strongly attracted emotionally and physically and think this person could potentially be your long-term partner. You are on the same wavelength in SO many ways. Friendship, trust, admiration, empathy, and caring develop and grow. Everything seems to flow so nicely. You fall in love.

Then, one day, you have your first major conflict or disagreement. You see a completely different side of the other person when he or she triggers one of your "hot buttons" from the past--touching a nerve related to something you thought you had healed but now realize you haven't. It could be your abandonment wound, your fear of being smothered by a partner, your unresolved anger about a past partner's disloyalty, your mistrust or resentment about the opposite sex because of a childhood incident with a parent...or any number of other issues.

During the conversation to resolve the conflict by getting to the core reason for it, your "stuff" is revealed, your unhealed wound reopened. Each of you talks about how to deal with this woundedness. You try to be compassionate about the other person's wound, but you struggle to stretch far enough in his/her direction to foster understanding and peace. Finally, though, after talking it out, you feel better.

Until it happens again. And then, a few weeks later, again. Where you once felt so similar, you now feel so different. And disconnected.

It could be that you've attracted into your life a healing partnership--a relationship in which the two people come together primarily for the reason of helping each other heal. Except they don't know that's the reason. 

If, instead, they could see the big picture and the "opportunity" for growth that God/the Universe is giving them, they would understand that "this is all happening for a reason"--and that reason is so they can evolve into a healthier partner for another person down the road. 

Sadly, their healing partnership will be temporary. It will last only as long as it takes them to grow sufficiently beyond it. It will run its course, and the two people will part ways after the lessons they were brought together to learn are learned and each of them has experienced substantial healing.

From my experience in two healing partnerships during my late 40s, I now know that the heart and psyche will attract such partners into our lives, and we will try desperately to hold onto them because we feel safe and understood. Inevitably, though, one or both people will begin to feel uncomfortable and start pulling away at some point--usually within 6 months after the initial connection.

Breaking up with a healing partner isn't easy, but it's necessary. Only by closing that door and moving forward, armed with the lessons learned, will you be able to attract a healthier partner and then get the chance to implement what you learned as you build a happier, healthier relationship with someone new--someone who has also integrated lessons from the past to become a healthier partner.

The wonderful thing is that the healing and growing you've done prepares you for showing up in your next relationship as your new improved self--an emotionally healthy individual now ready to attract a similarly healthy partner and then to forge the strongest, healthiest bond imaginable! 

I can attest that being in such a relationship is AMAZING! You feel more alive, happy, and connected than ever before...and you're on your way to the deepest, most fulfilling relationship of your life. Enjoy the journey!!