DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!

This is definitely the piece of advice I give most often to dating coaching clients. I'm constantly reminding them that rejection is just part of the process in the dating world. They're not going to be everyone's cup of tea. Period. 

Some people will click with you, and others won't. It's not something you can control. So it's a waste of energy to take anything someone does or says about you personally--especially early on when they barely know you.

The best thing to do is to let it go and move on...because it's usually not about you at all. As Don Miguel Ruiz says in his book The Four Agreements in the chapter entitled "Don't Take Anything Personally", "Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so nothing they think about me is really about me; it is about them."

Of course, not taking things personally is easier said than done. We all know how hard it is to handle situations where we think or feel that people don't like us or we did something to offend them. We automatically assume we have some responsibility for their reaction. 

The truth is we don't. We are only responsible for our own words, actions, and reactions.

Not taking things personally is definitely super-important in the dating world--so you can continue getting back up and trying again, over and over, to meet new people...without beating yourself up about what others said or did and allowing that to affect your self-esteem. 

Since dating is a numbers game, letting negative comments go is the only way to maintain your positive self-image and the confidence needed to maximize your chances of meeting the right person for you.

This concept is also really important in the relationships you form after dating. I've been with my current partner for 5 years, and I'm still learning not to take things personally when we have a conflict. It's a knee-jerk reaction I often have, a hard-to-shake behavior left over from the many years I spent as a "people pleaser" looking for approval from others rather than from myself.

Taking things personally and, as a result, sounding like a victim doesn't help me foster a deeper, healthier connection with my partner. Instead, it makes me look insecure, which he definitely doesn't find attractive. So, I'm working hard to see his actions and words as reflective of HIS views and experience rather than assuming they're about me. I'm catching myself when I'm tempted to make such assumptions...and making slow but steady progress in that effort.

How about you? Do you take things personally more often than you'd like? Is this behavior hurting you in your dating search or in your relationships? If so, let's talk. I can support you in shifting your thinking so you can eventually change the behavior. Reach out. I'd love to help!

(267-245-3023 or gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com)