DO 50+ SINGLE WOMEN REALLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP?

Recently, a 63-year-old single male friend of mine told me he thinks the reason he hasn't been meeting any good matches for a serious relationship is because most women over 50 don't really want that. 

In the years he's been back in the singles world after his last long-term relationship ended, he's dated a lot but has finally concluded that older divorced and widowed women just want someone to have dates and sex with--not a life partner or someone to live with or marry.

I did some research on the topic, and he may very well be right. A Pew Research study showed that only 15% of divorced/widowed women want to remarry. And another survey revealed that 40% of single women age 50-64 say they don't even want a relationship. Here are their reasons:

1) They've been unlucky in love and don't have much hope of meeting a compatible partner.
2) They really don't want to commit to someone again after bad past experiences.
3) They believe relationships cause too many problems.

When I dug deeper, I discovered that many women also say they like the freedom to do whatever they want without worrying about a partner's reaction, enjoy living alone, and are concerned that, if they got involved with a man their age or older, they might wind up being a caretaker for him if he develops health issues.

In short, these women are "happily single." Most have a wide circle of female friends and interesting hobbies, and they get out and pursue a variety of activities. And, of course, they spend a fair amount of time with their kids and grandkids. So their lives are full and fun, and they don't necessarily think life would be better if they had a man to share it with.

I am definitely not this type of woman. I believe life is richer with a partner to share its ups and downs as we work toward our common goals and enhance each other's personal growth, and it brings me joy to support my partner as he strives for his dreams and evolves spiritually. 

So I feel sad for my guy friend who wants the same kind of partnership for himself--and can't seem to find a like-minded woman.

At the same time, I can also understand the point of view of the women over 50 who just prefer being on their own most of the time. Sure, they admit it'd be nice to have a "friend with benefits" man in their life to go to dinner and movies with, to travel with, and to make love with. But they don't want to devote the time and effort and expend the energy to find and sustain an actual relationship. 

As some of my female clients have said, "It's exhausting. I'm getting too old for all that." I remember feeling like that now and then during my dating years. But my desire for a partnership always motivated me to get back out there and keep trying. And I'm certainly glad that I did!

How about you? Do you actually want a relationship? Or have you given up? In either case, I'd love to support you if you need it. Let's talk!
(gayle@datingsuccesscoaching or 267-245-3023)