Listening Is Vital for Dating and Relationships

How well do you listen to others? Have poor listening skills negatively affected your relationships with family, friends, colleagues, bosses, or the people you were dating or in relationship with? If we're honest, most of us have to admit we could be better listeners. I know I could be. 

In fact, better listening is my top priority with my partner. But it's hard for me because I'm a big talker who is uncomfortable with silence. And, in my relationship, it's even trickier because my partner is a better listener than talker and is sometimes hesitant to reveal what he's thinking or feeling.

Sound familiar? Luckily, there is hope if we learn more about and practice better listening.

My research about and experience in the dating world and in my serious partnerships has shown me one thing very clearly: active listening is vital when getting to know someone in the beginning and when nurturing relationships along the way.

Research shows that the ability to listen carefully and then empathize with someone can do wonders for any relationship. Here are some tips to help you incorporate empathetic listening skills into your relationships:

• Refrain from talking. Sounds easy, but I can attest to the fact it isn't. Your first impulse might involve adding your "two cents" before the other person has finished talking. While you might think you are actively involving yourself with his or her issue, in truth you may be limiting or halting the person's ability to communicate. Keep silent until he or she pauses for a response from you.
• Acknowledge the other person's feelings. Empathy means you sympathize and understand. You can verbalize this by repeating what the person has told you and prefacing it with a statement such as, "I understand that you are feeling…"
• Ask for clarity. Sometimes listening involves clarifying not only what the person says but what he or she means. Once you restate what the other person has said, ask for clarification if you are confused.
• Remain neutral. Hot topics often involve raised voices and emotional outbursts. If you want to empathize, you've got to stay neutral.
• Listen to not only what is being said but also to what may not be said. This may include fears, doubts, concerns, and even dreams.
• Listen respectfully…no matter how angry you might be.
• Wait to think about your reply. Don't begin composing it in your mind until the other person has completely finished talking.
• Start with empathy. Repeat an overall concern of the other person to show that you have in fact been listening.
• Don't jump to conclusions.
• Be an active listener. Maintain eye contact and watch your body language.

So, how good are you at listening well to what a new dating prospect says when you first meet? And how well do you listen to his or her answers when you ask those important getting-to-know-you questions during the first few months? What about later, when you're in a relationship and trying to strengthen your connection?

I know it's not easy, but I've been practicing active listening in my relationship for a while, and I'd be happy to share with you what I've learned. If you need support in this effort at any stage of dating or relating, get in touch. I'd be happy to help!

(gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or 267-245-3023)