In my coaching practice, with single friends, and on singles Facebook sites, I've noticed an uptick lately in negative attitudes and comments, especially about online dating. And it's starting to get to me. These folks don't realize that what they're saying about cyberdating is:
1. Counterproductive (i.e., not likely to attract a partner to them) and
2. Not true overall (but rather isolated incidents from their personal experience)
Badmouthing something never improves it. And complaining about experiences online does nothing to attract better dating prospects. Both behaviors just label the person who does them as negative and critical (not someone a positive, kind, respectful, emotionally available man or woman would be interested in dating).
Sure, we all want to vent sometimes to release our frustration. Unfortunately, these jaded, pessimistic, victim-type people don't understand the two main principles of the Law of Attraction:
WHAT YOU FOCUS ON EXPANDS.
LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE.
So, when they focus on or talk a lot about the bad experiences or less-than-ideal people they've met through the Internet, they're setting the stage to attract more bad experiences and people. And, when they're negative about dating, they attract others who are negative. And, of course, two negatives don't make a positive.
What shocks me most is how mean some people are. They say nasty things about the opposite sex and seem to have no compassion for others' struggles in life and in the dating world. Classic examples are men labeling women as "head cases" and women labeling men as "cold and unemotional". As we all know, these are gross over-generalizations.
Yes, we've all had "dates from hell" with total mismatches or people lacking social skills. But that's no reason to get down on the entire other gender or on the larger online dating arena.
I have a completely different view, and here's why:
Online dating has worked very well for me: I met my 2nd husband, the man I dated for 2 years in 2012-2013, and the wonderful man I'm seeing now on different dating sites. And, over the years, I met a bunch of other very nice guys on those sites too. Sure, there were a few odd people and disappointing experiences along the way, but that wouldn't cause me to dismiss online dating as a waste of time or to label the majority of online prospects as "losers" (a term I hear a lot from disgruntled online daters).
On the contrary: I truly believe it's the easiest, most efficient, most effective tool for meeting singles over 50. And I believe that the folks who haven't had any luck with it either aren't using it correctly or are coming to it with attitudes that undermine their chances for success.
I've had relationships with online dates that lasted from a month to 7 years. And I truly believe I'm close to finding the relationship that will last the rest of my life. You can too--IF you stay positive and nonjudgmental--and accept that online dating is just a tool to cross paths with people. And the lion's share of those on the sites are caring, interesting singles looking for and deserving of love--just like you.
Somebody that one negative person calls a "loser" could be a winner in someone else's eyes. It's all about attitude. There's power in positivity!
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