Simplify Your Partner "Requirements" & You'll Date More

More than a decade ago, a female friend and I were theorizing about why we weren't meeting our type of men in the dating world and wondered if maybe our lists of  "must-have" traits might be too long. So, instead, we each came up with 2- to 3-word lists to describe our best match. Mine was "funny, happy, sexy"; and hers was "interesting and interested."

Though I still like and use my short list, I like hers a lot too. Here's what it means to me:

 - A man is interesting if he has a fun life, likes to do a variety of things, has some notable talents, has been to some cool places and wants to travel more, can converse intelligently about a variety of topics (such as psychology, history, the arts and/or current events), is curious about the world, is passionate about at least 1 or 2 things, has aspirations and dreams for the future, and enjoys learning new things.

 - I know a man is interested when he asks questions about my kids, my work, and my experiences...when he probes deeper about stories I tell...when he makes good eye contact while I'm speaking...when he remembers stuff I said last time we were together...when he starts doing nice things for me in the first few weeks of dating...when he introduces me to his family in the first couple months and asks to meet my kids too...when he regularly gives me sincere compliments...when he keeps in good touch between dates...and when he asks me for the next date before the current one is over.

Fortunately, the man I'm dating now is both interesting and interested. And that feels really good--especially since, sadly, I've gone out with several men in the past who weren't that interesting and definitely weren't really interested.

Why, then, you might ask, would I continue to date them? For the same 4 reasons a lot of other women would do the same thing:

1) giving him the benefit of the doubt hoping things would improve

2) doubting whether I'd be able to find anyone better

3) lacking the confidence to break it off for fear of hurting his feelings

4) not feeling deserving of getting what I really want

Now I know that none of these are good reasons to continue dating someone who doesn't have just the 2 or 3 traits that are most important to me in a partner. If he's not interesting enough to keep me mentally stimulated and interested enough to pursue me, I'm wasting my time and his by staying rather than moving on.

I now understand that, before I met the man I'm seeing now, I had simplified my "list" enough that it'd be likely a decent number of men would meet the parameters... meaning the chances were good I'd be able to date a lot more and, ultimately, meet a really close match. By zeroing in on a few key requirements, I made sure I didn't "screen out" a lot of good prospects but also that I didn't settle for guys who weren't close enough to what I desire.

How about you? Have you found it hard to narrow down your list to a few core traits? If so, let me know. I'd be happy to help you do that. If not, I'd love to hear what's on your list. Please post a comment to share that with me and your fellow daters. Thanks!