Remember how great it felt to share life's ups and downs, happy and sad times, and everything in between with someone who cared about and supported you? That's what all my single, divorced, and widowed clients are looking for--the type of partnership and sharing that makes life richer and more fulfilling.
But there's one thing I caution them about as they search for and nurture such a partnership: don't make your partner the center of your universe. Instead, I encourage singles to think of that person as "the cherry on top" of their already-wonderful life--one that was fun and fulfilling before their partner came along and that could be that way again if for some reason the partnership ended.
My point? You are the common denominator in any relationship you have. If YOU are content and living a life that's interesting, joyful, and filled with people and experiences you love, anyone else you welcome into your world will be a "cherry on top" of that wonderful life.
I learned from personal experience the danger of letting too much of my own happiness depend on the man in my life. I was a "people pleaser" who tried to conform to what my partner wanted, rather than considering what I wanted. The result? I wound up resenting my partner when he didn't seem interested in my needs and desires.
This, of course, wasn't fair to him because he didn't know what I needed and desired--because I didn't tell him. In fact, I didn't really know myself. I was so focused on pleasing him and trying to do and be what he wanted, I lost sight of who I was and what I needed for a "juicy" and sweet life.
Today, I'm older and wiser. I know what activities, people, and pursuits make each day glorious...and I intentionally integrate those things into my life. Some involve my partner; others don't. If he wasn't in my life, I would still be creating joyful moments and "following my bliss" by pursuing my passions. And life would be good.
How about you? What lights up your life? Here are a few examples from mine, most of which I can enjoy even when I don't have a partner (and none of which involve the work I do for a living, though I love that too):
o swimming, cycling or walking every day
o watching the birds from my porch swing
o walking/hiking/boating with (or without) friends
o playing board games
o doing yoga
o sharing new culinary experiences with my son or daughter
o reading fiction and nonfiction books
o watching old and new movies
o savoring a new flavor of herbal tea
o facilitating a book discussion group
o doing motivational talks at retirement communities
o listening to all types of music
o dancing (alone or with others)
o baking cookies, cakes, and quick breads
o indulging in a new TV series on Netflix
o doing crossword puzzles
o tending my flower and vegetable gardens
o volunteering for my church
o writing educational articles and blogs
o taking online classes and listening to podcasts to learn new things
Whatever makes you feel alive and happy is important--whether you're single or part of a couple. If you need support as you incorporate more of those things into your life, let me know. If you're single, doing that could make you a natural attractor for the "cherry on top" person you've been seeking!
gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or 267-245-3023
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