4 SECRETS FOR GETTING MORE REPLIES FROM ONLINE DATING PROSPECTS

Sick and tired of taking so much time to search for and email prospects on one online dating site after another...only to have it result in few if any replies? I get it. I've been there. And I hear this complaint a lot from my dating coaching clients.

But it doesn't have to be this way. 

You can learn smarter ways to write an initial email and then see your reply rate improve a lot! In fact, I got double the number of responses when I used the strategies below.

These 4 tips can help you increase your chances of hearing back from the people you write to:

1) BE PROACTIVE: Write only to people active in the last week (the website usually tells you this) and be sure to write at least 5-10 people a week. Online dating is a numbers game--the more folks you contact, the greater your chances of replies in your mailbox. 

Also: make sure to monitor the website every day so you can write to new people within a day or two of their joining it. That's how I met my life partner 4 years ago. I wrote him the 2nd week he was on the site, before he had an onslaught of e-mail from other people...and he was very receptive to and excited about hearing from me since he was new to online dating. What a nice surprise that it turned out we were a great match for and immediately attracted to each other too! 

2) GET PERSONAL: Send a full personalized email (rather than a 1-click "Wink" or "Smile"). Give a sincere compliment about one specific thing the person wrote in his/her own words. Sound enthusiastic and impressed. In fact, I always used the subject line "I'm impressed!" in every email I sent. 

And don't be afraid to be the initiator. That's the only way I met the various men I dated online; the people who contacted me often weren't my type.

3) START A CONVERSATION: Ask a question about a hobby/interest or a passion you share with the person to get a conversation going. He/she will be much likelier to reply if there's a question to answer about a common interest as you begin a getting-to-know-you dialogue.

4) USE A STRONG CLOSING STATEMENT: Make sure the last line of your email gives the person hope of a connection. I always ended with "I have a bunch of the qualities you're looking for in a woman, and you have most of the traits I'm seeking in a guy. I think we're a good match...what do you think?" I sounded "sold" on him and then asked his opinion, so he'd be more likely to look closely at my profile. That way, he wouldn't make a snap judgment just based on my photo, age, or location--and would read more about me to determine whether he and I were compatible in other more important ways.

If you're having trouble writing the type of email I just described, call me (267-245-3023) or email me (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). I can help you get started and feel more comfortable with the process. Then, you can push "send" on a bunch of emails and enjoy the many positive replies you'll get!

5 WAYS TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE FOR DATING AFTER DIVORCE

Feeling anxious about trying to date again after your divorce? That's perfectly natural. You may be nervous because:

• It's been years since you were single and dating.
• Your self-esteem may have taken a hit during the divorce.
• You've heard scary stuff about people in the dating world.
• You're not confident about your ability to attract love again.

Over the last 14 years, I've helped hundreds of divorced men and women get past these and other insecurities and rebuild their confidence so they feel comfortable re-entering the dating world. 

Here are 5 things I suggest for boosting their confidence before they move forward:

1) Recapture your sense of self - Being single again gives you a chance to reconnect with yourself so you improve your self-respect, self-esteem, and self-love. Strength in these 3 areas is essential if you're going to see yourself as "a good catch" so you can project confidence. To get strong:  

  - Pay more attention to your desires and needs and take steps to fill them.

  - Do things you love to do and surround yourself with people who love you--two surefire ways to be more happy and exude positive vibes.

  - Make a list of your best qualities to remind yourself that you have much to offer a new partner. (This is often hard for my newly divorced clients to do, so if you need help with it, email me at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com.)

2) Do your research beforehand - We all feel more confident about doing something new when we've educated ourselves about it and researched the best ways to do it. Before embarking on a new adventure in the post-divorce dating world, investigate the groups and places where other divorced people go to meet each other. I recommend starting with www.meetup.com. It lists plenty of social groups for single and divorced people...as well as hundreds of hobby groups where you can meet people who share your passions. You can also consult with a dating coach like myself to create a personalized dating game plan.

3) Think in terms of abundance - By maintaining an attitude of "there are lots of fish in the sea," you'll feel more confident and hopeful about meeting someone right for you. This will help you avoid projecting a sense of urgency or desperation--which is very unattractive. Staying focused on the positive makes you naturally more confident and infinitely more attractive to dating prospects.

4) Practice, practice, practice! As with any pursuit, practicing something over and over builds confidence. I highly recommend thinking of first interactions with other single people as "practice dates". Say yes to first meetings with folks your friends might recommend for you. Use online dating to set up a bunch of initial meet-and-greet encounters. Try speed dating to have face-to-face conversations with new people. Practice your "flirting" skills wherever you go. This means giving people sincere compliments as a way to strike up a conversation. All of this helps you feel less nervous when talking to new people in the dating arena too. 

5) Move out of your comfort zone - Think of new challenging experiences to try so you can grow your confidence from the inside out. Take a risk to do something you didn't think you could do and see how it helps you trust yourself and feel more competent and confident. This could be as simple as going to a movie alone, showing up at a new singles group where you don't know anyone, or signing up for an event doing an activity you've been meaning to try but never tried before.

Take action on these 5 suggestions and see if you don't feel more confident about dating! If, afterward, you still want some extra moral support, drop me a line at the email address above. I'd be happy to help you develop the dating confidence you need! 

7 REASONS PEOPLE OVER 60 SHOULD TRY ONLINE DATING

Have you heard more online dating horror stories than you care to remember? Well, forget about those. They are the exception rather than the rule.

Today, I'd like to suggest we focus instead on success stories--like mine and those of the one third of married couples who initially met online (according to Pew research between 2005 an 2012). Yes, you CAN find love online! That's how I met the last 3 men I've had long-term relationships with.

And, as I tell my older clients, you can find love at any age! 

Even though some of my 60+ clients are hesitant to try online dating when they first call me, I share with them a myriad of reasons folks their age should definitely consider it. Here are 7 of them:

1. There are more older singles online than ever before. In fact, between 2013 and 2015 alone, the number of online daters aged 56-64 doubled.

2. Online dating is convenient--and much easier than going out to events. Unfortunately, there aren't that many singles events for people over 60, so searching for matches online is efficient and effective.

3. Older people usually have the time to devote to online dating. Even though online dating is convenient and efficient, it can be time consuming. But, if you're retired or semi-retired, it's not that hard for you to carve out the time for searching, sending and responding to emails, and having phone calls and first meetings with prospective dates.

4. There are more online dating sites for seniors than ever before...and there are always new ones popping up. In addition to long-standing sites like Senior People Meet, Silver Singles, Dating for Seniors, Just Senior Singles, and Senior Friend Finder, there are newer ones too: 50 Plus Club, Age Match, Elite Singles, Senior Match, and SinglesOver60.org.

5. There are free sites just for singles too: Seniors Circle, Senior Passions, Senior Friends Date, Free Senior Dating Agency, and Dating.Aarp.org. 

6. You have access to more people than you would in your daily life. If you're no longer working and not as involved in committees, community activities, and hobbies as you used to be, online dating gives you access to a whole new world of millions of single, divorced, and widowed people you'd never run across otherwise.

7. If you're a woman, it's an easy way to be the initiator. Over-60 women were brought up to believe the man needs to be the pursuer. But, with online dating, it's perfectly acceptable--and very easy--to reach out with the first email to men who look like a good match for you. Even if you're shy, it's a simple way to start a conversation with an interesting guy.

So, what do you think? Isn't online dating worth considering? If you're not having any luck meeting people for dating through the usual channels, I'd highly recommend giving online dating a try. 

If you have any questions about getting started or need moral support to put your toe in the water, email me at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com. I'm here for you! 

Dating Advice for Guys From Guys

Men are more likely to take dating advice from other men--especially male dating coaches--than they are from female coaches or other women in their lives. And it's fascinating to read the tips that men offer men.

I did some research this week on dating success pointers for guys over 50 from male dating coaches and authors. These 8 tips stood out to me as especially good advice:

1) Let women initiate. This author writing for the AARP says the numbers are on men's side as they age, since single women outnumber men by quite a bit after age 50--and even moreso after age 65. He says that, since women have fewer unattached men to choose from, they know they need to be proactive if they meet a guy they like. So they're likely to initiate contact if they're interested in you. 
2) Check yourself on Google and Facebook. Usually, a woman who's interested in you will Google you to learn more about you and also check your Facebook page. So you need to make sure the latter presents you in a favorable light.
3) Use ONLY smiling photos in your online dating profile. One guy coach says this will increase the response rate you'll get from women by 40%. (I can vouch for this: most women I coach feel a smiling man is much more likely to be nice, friendly, sensitive, and sincere, so they'll feel more comfortable sending him the first email.)
4) Dress for success. This male author, who's dated a lot and had many long-term relationships, encourages guys to pay closer attention to their clothing so they look sharp, not rumpled. He even recommends getting a manicure. (Again, I can confirm the truth in this. Many of my women clients tell me that a man's dirty or unkempt nails and sloppy clothing were turn-offs for them on a first meeting or date.)
5) Stay in good shape. Say no more. Men aren't the only ones who are more attracted to members of the opposite sex who are fit and trim.
6) Be doggedly attentive and affectionate. Yes, there's nothing more appealing than a man who is attentive and affectionate. Women absolutely love those two qualities! 
7) Be upbeat, funny, and optimistic. What woman wouldn't want to spend more time with a guy like that?
8) LISTEN! This male coach recommends showing genuine interest in a woman's life journey, including her career, aspirations, hobbies, kids, successes, and disappointments by listening attentively while she talks. And he strongly urges men to listen carefully enough to express curiosity about her and then ask follow-up questions, which show her you really want to learn more.

Again, I know this is true. I've said this before in other blogs: the #1 complaint my female clients make about men in the dating world is that they don't ask enough questions about them.

I'd love to hear what my male readers think about this list of dating tips--no matter what age you are. Please drop me a line with your thoughts (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com). And if you're a woman reading this, please pass it onto any single, divorced, or widowed men you know to get their take on it. I'd love to hear their feedback. Thanks!

For Single Guys Who Want a Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day 2019! It's the day to celebrate love in all its forms--for yourself, your kids, your parents, your coworkers, your neighbors, your pets, your friends, and your girlfriend or partner (if you have one). But what if you don't?

Today's blog is for single, divorced, and widowed men who are wishing that they had a special woman to call their Valentine--someone to wake up with, do fun things with, eat meals with, kiss before and after a long day at work, travel with, pamper, and hold in your arms as you're falling asleep each night. Wouldn't that be nice?

After many years of post-divorce dating myself and then 13 years coaching men and women over 40 who are searching in the dating world for that special someone, I know one thing for sure:

It's sometimes hard for men to reach out for help in this area of life, even if they realize the things they're doing to meet women aren't working. 

I understand, guys. It doesn't feel right to ask for assistance with something that society assumes men are good at--attracting women. You want to project a strong, confident image...and you think you should just "know" what to do.

But, as the years pass, youth fades, and our "baggage" take its toll, we all start to wonder if we still have what it takes to appeal to the opposite sex. And it's especially challenging for men because they sometimes struggle to understand women and to know how to approach, talk to, and impress them. 

That's when a female dating coach can be invaluable.

Maybe you've wondered how to strike up a conversation with (or write an email to) a new woman in person (or on an Internet dating site)--which is what you need to do to get the ball rolling. Well, the answer is simple: give her a sincere compliment.

Women love it when a man notices and gives her a compliment related to her smile, her eyes, her voice, her friendliness, her intellect, or even the way she dances (if you happen to meet her at a dance). 

Here are some other examples:
- If you meet her at a hiking group, you could compliment her on her energy level, the great hiking boots she chose, or her knowledge of trails and parks in the area. 
- If you meet her at a kid- or teen-related activity such as a play, concert, or sporting event, you could ask her about and/or compliment her son's or daughter's abilities/talent. Women really like a man who is sincerely interested in and gives positive feedback about her children. 
- If you meet her at a business function, ask her about or compliment her on  her career path and/or her professional skills.
- If you see her on an online dating site, write a 3- or 4-sentence email complimenting her on something she said in her own words about her passions, aspirations, family, career, or hobbies.

You get the idea. It's all about communicating to her that you want to learn more about her as a person and get to know her better. That's what dating is for. It's a getting-to-know-you process that builds from a foundation of initial attraction and true curiosity--and ultimately reveals areas of commonality that could potentially create a bond and be the basis of a budding new relationship. 

Hopefully, this blog has given you enough ideas so you'll feel more comfortable approaching women you're attracted to. If you want more ideas or a supportive person to get you jump-started, drop me a line (gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com or 267-245-3023). 

I'm here to answer all your questions about women and dating...so maybe this time next year you can spend Valentine's Day with a really great girl!  

Women Laugh 127% More Than Men!

Fascinating! I came across this statistic recently while doing research for a motivational presentation about laughter and, in light of what I know about the differences between men and women in the dating world, it's not surprising.

In fact, studies show that single women looking for men to date seek a partner who can make them laugh twice as often as they claim to be funny themselves. And men want to be the provider of humor 33% more often than they seek that ability in a partner. Instead, they want a woman who laughs at their jokes. This is because laughter demonstrates enjoyment and interest, or connection and understanding--which men feel are desirable qualities in a potential mate.

How true! Most of the men I dated over the years did their best to make me laugh...and often succeeded. And, because I laugh easily, it created an instant bond between us. 

Here are some more fun facts about laughter in relationships:

- Women tend to choose funnier men as partners and often list sense of humor as the #1 trait they desire in a man.

- Evolutionary psychologists say a sense of humor is a sign of intellect and strong genes and that women--the more selective sex due to the need to find suitable fathers for their children--are attracted to funny men because of the genetic benefit for their potential offspring.

- When you first meet someone, a good sense of humor signals to you that he or she is not just intelligent but also creative and playful--two more very attractive qualities.

When I asked the women in the audience at my presentation about laughter why they think women laugh more, they said "Because we're often laughing at how ridiculous men are." Men, on the other hand, believe they're funnier than women. I beg to differ. Consider comedians such as Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball, Ellen DeGeneres, Melissa McCarthy, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Sarah Silverman, Amy Schumer, and many more.

So why do women laugh more than men? Well, there are several clinical explanations having to do with the differences in women's brain chemistry. But, for the sake of this article, I'll keep it simple:

The main reason is that, as research shows, men think that, by being funny, they'll impress women and win them over; so they do their best to be humorous. And women, who are natural connectors, laugh at their jokes as a way of creating a bond. As the psychologists describe it, "laughter is an involuntary response that functions as a social lubricant." In other words, it eases the development of a connection between two people.

In short, a shared laugh is a great way to begin feeling close to someone...and to begin building a foundation for a relationship. Something to keep in mind as you circulate in the dating world. Have fun!!

There ARE Benefits to Dating After Age 60!

Over 60 and discouraged by the challenges involved with finding suitable possibilities in the dating world? You're not alone. People like you come into my office for coaching every week. My job is to give them hope and some tools to use to find great prospects.

Here's something that should help. I recently read an article offered by Elite Singles, an online dating site for educated, selective, older men and women who are divorced or widowed. It listed a few benefits older daters should keep in mind:

1) WISER AND CLEARER: Being older also means you're wiser and clearer about what you want and what type of person is right for you. Experience has taught you what kinds of people are not a fit for you, so you can steer clear of those, not waste valuable time dating them, and free up time to go where you're more likely to find your kind of person.

2) STRONG FOUNDATION OF EXPERIENCE: At this age, you're largely on a level playing field with other "seniors" in the dating "marketplace" who also have experience, accrued wisdom/life lessons, and the resilience to know they can recover from loss and heartbreak and rebuild their lives and relationships. When you meet others who have also lived and loved and are ready to open their hearts again, you share a "launch pad of experience"--a strong foundation for a future relationship with another 60-something.

3) AUTHENTICALLY YOURSELF: By this stage in life, it's likely you feel comfortable in your own skin. You know who you are and what you want. It's easier for you to be authentic with other people, which saves the time of pointless posturing and allows you to connect with the right kind of person from the get-go.

4) MORE CONFIDENT: Even though some older folks lose body confidence as they age, it's important to remember that everyone ages and that confidence is a state of mind. Research has shown that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a potential date. So, to keep your confidence high, it's best to focus on what makes you a great catch (interior qualities such as character, personality, and values) rather than just your exterior appearance.

5) NEW PROSPECTS ALL THE TIME: After the age of 60, the chances of becoming widowed or divorced go up--which means there are always new 60+ people entering the dating world. You will not run out of options! If you keep your eye on several online dating sites and continue going to new and different meetup groups, singles organizations, and social activities, you'll consistently be crossing paths with people who are newly single and now available. 

By remembering all these benefits as you head out into the dating world, it should be easier for you and other over-60 singles to stay positive as you continue searching for suitable partners. 

Age is really just a number. You can be 65 years old or 65 years young, depending on your mind-set. By maintaining a positive attitude and an open mind while also staying curious and flexible, you increase your chances of running into and/or attracting other people like you--which means they are potentially very compatible with you.

Give it a try! Focus on these 5 ways that your age is actually an asset in the dating world and see what happens. I bet your success rate will go way up! 

Let me know how it goes by dropping me a note at gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com. Happy dating!